Rages From the Heart: Jealousy has taken over me...

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Jealousy has taken over me...

Someday, my Paranoia will kill me...

Have you ever felt the feeling of being paranoid for a whole month? Like, asking the winds of fate whether she's ok or not? Everyday, every hour, every minute, every second, every moment you wonder what might have been if you two were in a same place at that time. God, I think I'm losing my mind!

Everyday, when you go to school, you're always wondering if she has woken up already and is ready to go to school.
Every recess and lunch you're wondering if she is eating properly or if she already ate something.
Every afternoon when you sit on the FX, worried about whether she's already on her way home or if she has an overtime at school.
Every minute, you're looking at her picture hoping to touch her face even for just a second.
Every second, you're always looking for that embrace that no one could ever replace. Those sweet embraces that only she could possibly give to you.
Every hour, you could only think about holding her hand as you pass by a series of couples walking along your path.
Everyday , you're always looking at that only picture you possess, imagining that it is alive and looking straight at your eyes too.
Everyday, wondering if you gave enough attention to her, or if you gave her too much that would make her feel over protected.
Everynight, as you go to bed. Wondering if you two are looking at the same moon.

I know I'm being too much paranoid. But then I guess that's how it is. Many of you know my not-so-good past so you can't blame me for feeling this way. I guess this is what they call "taking the risk". You're not in love if you can't take the risk. You're not in love if from the start, you are already giving up.

They say that trust is a must have factor if you truly love someone. If you ask me, yes, I trust her with all my heart. But then I don't trust him.

I guess, loving someone who's a hundred miles away from you is really very hard. It takes a lot of: Patience to understand the situation you to are in at. Trust knowing that you two love each other and no matter what the odds say, you two will not falter. And Honesty. Honest enough to let her know all the things you've been through all this time, honest enough to say aloud all you're feelings for that someone, and honest enough to let go of that person when you really don't feel anything at all.

You never stop loving someone, you just learn to live without them. I told you before and I'll tell you again. I love you too much to let go. Everyday I always fight the fear of thinking that one day, you'll leave my world, the fear of not having you around. I guess as time passed by, I developed that special kind of fear. I'm afraid to lose you.

Why does time fly by so fast? At that moment, you're still holding her hand, under the stars and the lovely glow of the moon. Then after one flick of the eye, the next thing you know, she's still sitting beside you but you notice that someone else is holding her hand too...

Labels: Drama, Love Life

posted by icarus_05 @ 6:20 AM Comments: 12

The Music they shared

The Author

Pseudonym: Icarus05
Birthday: April 25, 1990
Address: Novaliches, Quezon City
Province: Infanta, Quezon
School: University of the East
Course: Computer Science

Sports: Bowling, Volleyball

Hobbies: Bowling, Playing Guitar, Writing Stories, Writing Songs, Chatting, Blog hopping, Stargazing, Flyff-ing, Playing Ragnarok

About me: Single and Waiting! ;) A night person, very passionate and dedicated to everything I do, A lover trying to find himself and his true place here in the world...

Lost in this cold place, Never knowing where to go, I need you, I need someone, I need anyone

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