Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Rants and Raves part 2...
But they never gave me a chance to sing it to them... Kahit na pakinggan man lang kahit Chorus... Hay.. Di ko na alam kung ano pa dapat kong gawin, para lang ipakita sa kanilang lahat ng sinabi ko’y hindi ko sinasadya... Sobrang hirap na ko... My “Emotional Breakdown” ay nauwi sa Withdrawal... Hinayaan kong masaktan ang sarili ko dahil alam kong I deserve it... Sinigaw ko... Sinigaw ko with all my might... Iniyak ko ang lahat, dinaan sa gitara, dinaan sa kanta... Ng malabas ko na... Bumalik na sa dati ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko, ginanahan na ulit ako... Nakakangiti na ako... Pero di pa tapos...
Another day is coming... Kinakabahan ako... Para bang naghahabal ako sa bilis ng panahon... 14 days to go ‘til graduation... Di ko alam kung tatanggapin pa rin ba nila ako katulad ng dati... Katulad ng dati... Oh how I wish mabalik na sa dati ang lahat... Im not really good in saying sorry... Pero ganito na lang siguro ang masasabi ko...
“Masaya ako ng makilala ko kayo, di ako nagsisising lumipat ako dito, napakabait nyo sa kin, sana noon pa sinuklian ko na ang kabaitan niyo... Alam kong wala na ang tiwala niyo sa akin... Pero Im willing to do anything just to bring back the old days... Im willing to do everything... Karma ko na ito, at challenge na din... Kaya tinatanggap ko ito ng buong puso... Eto na ulit ako, sana makita niyo... Pasensya na kung nasaktan ko kayo, sa huli ako din ang talo... I don’t want to leave the school this way... I don’t want to have regrets when I leave Infanta... Naiintindihan ko ang side nyo, sana intindihin niyo din ang akin... Mahal na mahal ko kayo, at alam kong alam niyo iyon... Tinanggap ko na lahat ng bad comments at pinipilit kong gawin itong mabuti... Para na rin sa kapakanan ko... Please... Forgive me... Please... Give me another chance... Tutal paalis na din naman, Graduation gift niyo na sa akin... Pero, kung di ko na mabago isip niyo... Wala na akong magagawa... I did my best and this is it... I guess, the only thing that is left for me to do is wait... Im really sorry... From the bottom of my heart... I miss you guys... "
Well, after that... Naging maayos ang lahat... We talked things over and managed to have peace hehe... Pero, hindi rin naging masaya ang graduation ko... Pagktapos na pagkatapos ng ceremony, nag alisan na kaagad silang lahat na wala man lang paa-paalam... Hehe, yun ang napapala ko...
Labels: Drama, My Life, Series
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Rants and Raves...
Since wala naman akong ma i-post... Ito na lang... Habang naghahalungkat ako ng files ko 2 years ago dito sa PC, eto nakuha ko... This happend before graduation nung Highschool... Sa mga incoming 4th year dyan, wag nyong hayaang mangyari sa inyo to! Madami pa kong nakitang stories dito, pero saka ko na lang ipopost... Medyo mahaba kaya sana'y may oras kayong nakalaan...
It All started…
Nag bakasyon ako sa Infanta, Quezon… Everything was different, since I last came here… madaming nagbago, madaming nasira, madami ding gumanda… Then I met this girl… kasama siya sa mga pagbabago, gumanda din siya, she was more beautiful than the last time I met her… Sarap ng feeling tuwing kasama ko siya… I don’t want this feeling to stop… So, nag sacrifice ako para lang dito, I left my school, I left my family just to be with her… Akala ko, maganda ang kalalabasan ng lahat… Pero, sabi nga, “madaming namamatay sa maling akala…”
Start of another school year... this time, it’s different… Different school, different people, and different environment… Di ako sanay... Lahat bago... Sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi lang dapat siya ang makilala ko, madami akong makakasalamuha dito sa bagong school ko, hindi lang siya... Tinulungan niya ko to know other people, tinulungan niya akong makisalamuha sa mga taong, bago lang sa paningin ko... Tinuruan niya akong mabuhay sa Infanta... Then, she introduced me to this girl, classmate ko siya, pero di ko siya pinapansin dahil nahihiya pa ako... First impression? Hmmm, let’s see. She’s very pretty.. Yun lang talaga ang pumasok sa isip ko... She’s very pretty... as in... sabi nga, “GANDAAH!”. Napalapit ako sa girl na to... Hindi ko na lang namalayan, Im falling in love with her... I feel inspired once again... Madami akong nagawang tula, songs, and stories dahil dito... Pero, just when Im starting to court her, binasted na niya agad ako, ang consolation prize ko? Na-ilang siya sa akin! Grabe... Matagal-tagal din niya akong ini-snob... Wala na akong ka close... nawalan na ako ng ka love team...
Pero, di nagtagal, nagkaayos din kami... Pinapansin na niya ako ulit, tulad na ng dati... She never knew how happy I am... Grabe... Pinangarap kong tuloy-tuloy na ito... Pero, hanggang pangarap lang pala ang lahat...
Malapit na matapos ang school year, 4th quarter na... Ang bilis ng mga pangyayari... Pero i’ve never thought it will end this way... Remember the first girl? The reason why I studied in Infanta? Nagsawa na akong maghabol sa kanya... I don’t want history to repeat itself, baka magaya nanaman sa dati, yung mga panahong pinipilit ko ang sarili ko sa taong di naman ako kayang mahalin... I said my final words to her, sinabi ko na malaya na siya mula sa akin... Na di ko na siya gagambalain... Di naman nawala ang closeness namin... Mas lalo pa kaming napalapit sa isa’t isa... Lagi akong nakangiti kapag kasama siya... Pero, balat-kayo lang ang lahat... Sa loob ko, nawalan na ako ng gana sa buhay ko... Nawalan na ako ng ganang gawin ang mga lahat ng bagay... Nawalan na talaga ako ng gana... Gusto kong ilabas ang lahat... Lahat ng nararamdaman ko... Pero, tumagal pa bago ito mangyari... Exams na... Exams na!!! Pero di pa ako nakakamove on... Nahirapan ako... The last quarter was very though for me... Sa inaasahang pagkakataon... Naapektuhan ang studies ko, naapektuhan ang performance ko... Pati ang ugali ko naapektuhan... It’s hard for me to cope up sa mga pangyayari... Tulad ng sinabi ko, madaming nagbabago... Di ko akalaing kasama pala ako doon...
Histrionics, Rage, Ravages and Exculpation
My last few days in High School
It’s a different story from know on...
First few weeks of March 2006
Madaming nagbago... Pati ang tingin ng classmates ko sa akin, nag iba... Hanggang ngayon, nagpapaapekto parin ako sa mga emotions ko... Dahil dito, lagi akong badtrip, lagi akong wala sa mood... Emotional Breakdown kung tawagin ko... Di ko na matago ang mga hinanakit ko... Sa paraang ito, unti-unti kong nailalabas ang mga nararamdman ko. Pero, di ko na lang alam, madami na pala akong nasasaktan sa prosesong ito... Habang napapalapit na ang araw ng aming paghiwa-hiwalay, lalo lang lumalala... Kahit na napapansin ko na ang mga pagbabagong ito, di ko pa rin ito nabago... Di ko pa rin tinama ang mga mali ko... Dahil, habang ginagawa ko ang mga ito, lalo lang gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko, wala sa isip ko na mawawala pala ang tiwala ng mga friends ko, ang mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko ng buong buhay ko in the process...
Words reached me soon after... Madami na palang galit sa akin, madami nang nakakapansin sa mga pagbabago ko... Pero, nasaktan ako dahil sa iba ko pa nalaman, I felt betrayed, para akong tangang nag astang siga sa classroom... Not knowing na gusto na pala nila akong kausapin tungkol dito... By this time, di ko na nakayanan... Ang “Emotional Breakdown” ko ay lalong lumala... I felt crying pero di ko magawa...Then, I talked to them para mapatunayan ko sa sarili ko na mali na pala talaga ako... I told them I’m Sorry pero, di ko naiwasang makapagsabi ng mga masasakit na salita... Haay! Nagpadala nanaman ako sa Emotions ko... Just when I thought, everything was going well, lalo pa itong lumala... Lalo pang nagalit sa akin ang taong mahalaga sa buhay ko... Bakit siya pa... Bakit... I’m trying to say my apologies pero di nila ako binigyan ng chance para ma linis ang pangalan ko... I’m not really good in telling my emotions head on lalo na kung sorry ito... So dinaan ko na lang sa kanta... I made this song for them...
Sitting in the dark
Whispering your name
Looking at the distance
It’s never been the same
Speaking the words
Hidden from the heart
I’m still waiting here
To get back from the start
* Loneliness has passed my way
Hidden words I need to say
My heart has been so weary
But all I need to say is I’m Sorry…
-To Be Continued
Labels: Drama, My Life, Series
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Our Last Dance...
Is this the beginning of our last dance?
The room felt the intensity when the two of them met at the center. The lights shone more lively than ever before. Everyone was excited to see those two to dance together once again...
On the dance floor, I am invincible. Nobody can stop me from dancing; nobody can stop me from expressing myself... They say that I dance with passion, I dance with life, I dance with energy... But they were all wrong... Inside, I wasn't really dancing at all... My body moves but never did my heart... Something's missing... And I didn't know what that was 'til that faithful day came...
I went to the park to get some fresh air, and to release all the pressure I had. It was fall that time, cold winds struck my skin but then I went on... This is all I needed... Then I heard music coming from under a tree not that far from here. I followed the beautiful music until I arrived at this large tree. My heart pumped harder than before, I wasn't sure what I felt back then... I couldn't stop looking at her as she danced her way around that spot... She was very graceful, like angels from heaven carried her around. I couldn't stop looking at her. Until she fell down on her feet when a rock blocked the dance floor.
I immediately ran out of hiding to help her out. She was really hurt that time, but then she smiled when I helped her out... "Thank you" she said politely... I sat beside her under the tree... My heart felt like it wants to jump out of my ribcage... I let out a hidden smile... But then it was really noticable because my face was turning red... She giggled quietly...
We got to know each other more under that tree... She was also a dancer, but she was more used on dancing with a partner... I felt disappointed because I'm more of a soloist type... She told me that her partner went abroad to start a new career. "I'm not really good in dancing with a partner, but if you want, I can be your dancing partner?" I told her... She smiled with a relief saying "Really? That would be great! Thank you!" and gave me a sweet hug...
Everyday she goes to the studio to practice with me... Every move, every step was very graceful and effortless for her, I learned from her... She taught me every step of the way, she changed the way I dance in this life... She changed everything to me... I was more happy than ever... And the people saw it too. Even the critics liked me now. I was very happy that I met her... Then as time passed by... The people saw our efforts and wanted us to dance on a town celebration... Of course we accepted the proposal...
There was silence all over the room when we first stepped in. The world was ours, and time was on our side... We danced the night away with grace and passion... All that time, I was smiling... Knowing that I was holding her hand all night... She was smiling as I was too... I was very happy, but then I didn't know that she wasn't...
After the performance, her face was full of sadness, the silence she expressed was deafening... I couldn't help it, I asked her why... "I miss my partner" she told me... I looked at the stars that time and realized... "I can never replace someone like him..." I left her alone for a while to think about everything... What is this I'm feeling?.. Am I... Jealous?... I left the room with a swipe to my falling tear...
The next day, she left a note... She thanked me for everything I've done for her... She told me that she was very happy that she met me in the process. But then she wanted to be left alone for now... She didn't wrote why... I felt alone... Now, everything seems pointless... I couldn't feel the passion anymore... I couldn't feel the every beat that the music made... I... I... I miss her... The people became more aware of my situation... Just like that, I lost some fans and gained more critics... I lost everything... "Oh God... Take away everthing.. But please, make her come back to me..."
I stood under the tree where we first met... Everything changed since I last went here... Everything seems too dull now... I missed her more and more...
Then from a distance, a soft music played on the background... Tears fell from my eyes as I looked back... I saw her standing there... Smiling at me... I smiled and greeted her... "I thought about everything... It's true, you can never replace him... But you are far better than him... I missed you so much..." My heart was beating faster than ever... As if it was dancing through every note of the background music... "Can we have another dance together?" she asked... I held her hand as she placed her hand on my shoulder... As I told her...
"Anytime my love..."
Once around the floor can we do it again?... I love you...
Labels: Stories from the heart
Birthday: April 25, 1990
Address: Novaliches, Quezon City
Province: Infanta, Quezon
School: University of the East
Course: Computer Science
Sports: Bowling, Volleyball
Hobbies: Bowling, Playing Guitar, Writing Stories, Writing Songs, Chatting, Blog hopping, Stargazing, Flyff-ing, Playing Ragnarok
About me: Single and Waiting! ;) A night person, very passionate and dedicated to everything I do, A lover trying to find himself and his true place here in the
Lost in this cold place, Never knowing where to go, I need you, I need someone, I need anyone
My textmate, my soulmate
Til' They Take my heart away
The Taste of Love
The Hymn of the Tree
Our Last Anniversary
The Festival of hearts
How she took my heart
Our last dance
The Cure for the Common Hitch
A Dreamer's Lullaby
A Vision of a Broken Heart
Of Tears and Metamorphosis
Sa Mata ng Kalawakan
Panahon na Naman
The Lost Paradise
The Fate's Dagger
I would like to thank...
- Photoshop 9 CS2
- Me for the patience.
- Blogger for the Blog space.
- Karla for the Template.
- Utakgago for the photoshop and template tips.
- And to you my fellow bloggers for welcoming me here.
Finally, with your support, I managed to grab the award! Thank you Guys so much! But still, Vote for your favorite blogs...
Vote for the deserving
4th Placer for week 14 and 15.
2nd Placer for week 16 and 17
Filipino Blog of The Week for Week 18
Hall of Famer through Fast Track