Saturday, September 02, 2006


Still, waiting in vain...


Sometimes, I wish I could just sleep myself to death...

Lately, I've been starting to wonder, if she really loved me before... If she really love me at all... Gulong gulo na ang utak ko, I've been searching for answers, everyday, every hour, every minute, every second... I'm starting to feel the insanity taking over my entire mind...

I haven't thought myself lately... All I ever thought of was being with her, seeing her once more, seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, hearing her sing, and hearing her speak... Even just a little hi... Damn, maybe I really just miss her so much, but... It's not normal anymore... I'm being careless, I'm broken all over, I can't even think of a decent post! And my english grammar really suck! So I'm gonna speak tagalog now...

Ewan ko ba, sirang sira na ang ulo ko... Sirang sira na ang katawan ko... Sirang sira na ang puso ko... Sirang sira na ang kaluluwa ko... Sobrang baliw na baliw na ako... Bakit?! Ganito ba talaga kapag todo ang pagmamahal na ibinigay mo sa isang tao? Nawawala ka na sa sarili?!

For weeks now, I'm not myself, para bang naliligaw ang tunay na katawan ko sa kadiliman... Parang patay na ang kaluluwa ko at isang empty shell na lang ang nakikita ngayon ng mga tao... Baliw na baliw, walang pakialam sa mundo... Dead man walking... My relationship with my friends was affected, I rarely talk to them this past few days... Even my grades are all crap! My midterm grades went down all at the same time, wala na lang akong ginawa sa eskwelahan kundi tumunganga... Pati pamilya ko nadadamay na sa problema ko... Nag away nanaman kami ni kuya kanina, mejo nagtatampo ang aking itay dahil sobrang baba ng iskor ko sa bowling kanina... I haven't talked to my mother for quite some time now... Ewan... Sirang sira na ang buhay ko...

I was so frustrated with my performance kanina sa bowling... Parang hindi ako ang naglalaro... My average fell down from 170+ to 140+... Last month lang, ang ganda ng scores ko, nag champion pa nga ako sa isang tournament... Hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit... Bakit ba lahat apektado? I even blamed my new ball for not giving me the scores I want!!! Kanina sa sobrang frustration, I threw the ball so hard... So hard that my arms may come off any moment... Sa sobrang lakas, nag snap ang wrist at ang joints ng aking elbow... Doon ko kanina nilabas ang lahat ng galit ko... Kung buhay lang ang bola ko, marahil ay kawawa siya, marahil ay naramdaman niya ang galit ko... Pagkatapos naming maglaro, I sat there for a while, pumikit ako, sumigaw at bigla na lang napaluha... Ubos na ubos na ang luha ko... Sobra...

Right now, I have an injury in my elbow, my biceps hurt like hell, tumataba na ang fingers ko dahil sa maga, I have a huge callous on my thumb, and my head hurts so bad... P*ta! ANO NA ANG NANGYAYARI SA AKIN?!!?!?! Ano na ang nangyayari sa atin?!

Lagi na lang pumapasok sa isipan ko ang maraming tanong... Pero isa lang talaga ang umiikot sa aking puso... "Minahal ba talaga niya ako noon? Minahal ba talaga niya ako? Kung oo, mahal pa kaya niya ako ngayon?" sabi nga nila, take the risk if you want something to be achieved... Pero mukhang di ko kakayanin ang magiging sagot niya kung sakali... Ayoko na ng ganito... Hindi ko na kaya ang maghintay pa... Hanggang kailan pa ba niya ako pahihirapan ng ganito?

Alam na ng buong mundo kung gaano ko siya kamahal, alam na ng buong ankan ko ang lab story ko... Siya kaya? Alam ba niya kung gaano ko siya kamahal? P*ta! Hindi pa ba obvious?! Ganito kita mahal! Pinapatay ko na sarili ko sa kaiisip ko sa iyo! Pinapatay ko na kaluluwa ko sa kakahintay sa iyo! Pinapatay ko na ang damdamin ko sa pag aasang mamahalin mo din ako... Oo, baliw na baliw ako sa iyo!

Summer is here, I'm still waiting there...
Winter is here, I'm still waiting there...
It's your love that I'm waiting for...
It's my love that you're running from...
How long should I wait in vain for your love?!

posted by icarus_05 @ 7:00 AM Comments: 13

The Music they shared
Locations of visitors to this page


The Author

Pseudonym: Icarus05
Birthday: April 25, 1990
Address: Novaliches, Quezon City
Province: Infanta, Quezon
School: University of the East
Course: Computer Science

Sports: Bowling, Volleyball

Hobbies: Bowling, Playing Guitar, Writing Stories, Writing Songs, Chatting, Blog hopping, Stargazing, Flyff-ing, Playing Ragnarok

About me: Single and Waiting! ;) A night person, very passionate and dedicated to everything I do, A lover trying to find himself and his true place here in the world...

Lost in this cold place, Never knowing where to go, I need you, I need someone, I need anyone


Posts



Archives


Stories

Theater Life
My textmate, my soulmate
Endless Journey
Our Rendevous
Til' They Take my heart away
The Taste of Love
The Hymn of the Tree
Our Last Anniversary
Goodbye
Moonlight Sonata
Jealousy
Childhood Boogie
The Festival of hearts
Time Withers
How she took my heart
Our last dance
The Cure for the Common Hitch
A Dreamer's Lullaby
A Vision of a Broken Heart
Of Tears and Metamorphosis
Sa Mata ng Kalawakan
Panahon na Naman
The Lost Paradise
The Fate's Dagger
The Coin


Sign of Life




A way out of the darkness



The Island

I would like to thank...
  • Photoshop 9 CS2
  • Me for the patience.
  • Blogger for the Blog space.
  • Karla for the Template.
  • Utakgago for the photoshop and template tips.
  • And to you my fellow bloggers for welcoming me here.

Finally, with your support, I managed to grab the award! Thank you Guys so much! But still, Vote for your favorite blogs...
Vote for the deserving


4th Placer for week 14 and 15.

2nd Placer for week 16 and 17

Filipino Blog of The Week for Week 18


Hall of Famer through Fast Track

r>