Rages From the Heart

Let the healing begin...

2008-11-15T03:22:00.000-08:00

Tears fell down my cheeks as the night began to get cold. My heart pounded violently, I couldn't stop crying. It's been months since my heart had been broken, but still, I couldn't seem to get over it.

I looked at the full moon that night as I stood upon the edge of the terrace. The winds became colder and colder each second. I looked around, hoping that somebody would give me a warm hug. Nobody was there, it didn't felt right.

It didn't felt right, because, I was used to being alone. But then, that night felt different. Sadness overtook my whole consciousness. I couldn't take it anymore, all of a sudden, I broke down. My knees suddenly touched the ground. Tears continued to flow down my cheeks. I felt the cold winds slowly covering my whole body. I closed my eyes for a bit...

Suddenly...

A blinding woke me up from the darkness. I felt a very warm embrace. Her hands covered my body as her hair touched my neck. I felt her mouth, slowly touching my left ear. I felt goosebumps all over my spine. But, it felt good. She then opened her mouth, I heard soft whispers; whispers that marked a smile on my face...

"It's okay, don't cry. I'm here, you're not alone."

Her embrace tightened, I felt the warmth of her words through her hug. I closed my eyes as tears fell down from it. A soft smile was now visible upon my lips. I turned my head just so I could take a look at her eyes. Her eyes shone like the full moon. I felt shivers down my spine, but in a good way.

"Don't be sad, okay?"

Her words touched my soul. I felt calm. Tears stopped flowing down my cheeks. She touched my cheeks and slowly wiped my tears.

We looked at the stars that night. The wind became colder and colder. I closed my eyes for a bit. I couldn't utter a single word. I've never felt this feeling in a long time. What could it be?.. All of a sudden...

I woke up...

The sun blinded my eyes, as I looked at the brand new day. I felt that warmth all over again. I closed my eyes for a bit as I whispered...

"Thank you, thank you so much..."

Nothing Ever Changes...

2008-10-29T01:22:00.000-07:00

Meron pa ba? Sana...

Nakita kita kagabi, ibang iba na ang hitsura mo. Mas lalo ka pang gumanda, hindi na kita makilala. Mukha ka namang masaya na sa kalagayan mo, pero ako?.. Ano nga ba?..

Tinitigan kita ng matagal, hindi ka makatingin sa akin. Mukha kang maraming iniisip, ako nama'y hindi makakilos ng maayos. Nanginginig ang katawan ko, marami akong gustong sabihin, mga gustong itanong, pero mas naunahan ako ng katahimikan. Hindi ako maka-imik pag nariyan ka na sa harapan ko. Unti-unting tumulo ang bawat butil ng pawis mula sa noo ko, patungo sa aking palad. Habang lumalalim ang gabi, mas lalong lumalakas ang kaba ko. Pati ang pagtibok ng aking puso, hindi ko mapigilan...

Pero, akala ko, ako lang ang nahihirapan. Halata sa mga mata mo na hindi ka rin makakilos ng maayos. Napansin ko rin na napapatingin ka ng bahagya. May mga panahon na nagsasabay tayo ng tanaw, ngingiti ka lamang at ako'y sasagot sa isang pabirong kindat. Sinubukan mong ngumiti, alam kong nahihirapan ka... Pati ako...

Hindi ko talaga lubos maisip, kung bakit biglang nagbago ang isip mo. Hindi ko maintindihan. Tuumulo ng bahagya ang luha sa mga mata ko, tinakpan ko lamang ito ng aking mga kamay para hindi mo makita. Pinigilan ko ang mga ito sa pagtulo sa pamamagitan ng pag ngiti ko. Mas lalo pang lumakas ang pag nginig ng katawan ko. Muli kitang tinignan, hindi maipinta ang ngiti sa iyong mukha. Marahil ay may iniisip ka rin. Kapareho kaya ng iniisip ko?..

Habang lalong papalapit na ang katapusan ng gabing yaon, mas lalo kong napagtanto na, hindi ko pa pala kaya. Hindi ko pa kaya na wala ka sa piling ko. Naiinis ako, sana talaga pinigilan kita. Mayroon pa rin sa kaloob-looban ng puso ko, naghahangad na sana'y bumalik ka na. Hanggang ngayon, di ka pa rin mawala sa isip ko. Oo, mahal pa rin kita... Mahal na mahal pa rin kita...

Ngunit kailangan kong indahin ang lamig ng gabi,

ngunit kailanan ko nang tanggaping wala ka na sa tabi,

Nag - iisa, wala ka na...

Wala ka na, nag - iisa...

Nag-iisa, wala ka na - Noel Cabangon

For Eternity...

2008-10-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

*Nosbleed tagalog up ahead. :P*

Mapipigil mo ba ang damdamin basta basta?

Nakahiga na ako sa aking sariling mundo. Nakakapagod ang araw na ito, pero kahit anong gawin ko, hinding hindi ako makatulog. Pinilit kong ipikit ang mga mata ko, ngunit nanginginig lang ang mga ito. Para bang may mga luha na gustong lumabas mula sa pagkakakubli. Nagpatugtog na lamang ako, para na rin pampatulog, baka sakaling gumana.

"Coz' I'm missing you so bad. Now that you're not by my side."

Hindi ko na rin napigilan. Dahan-dahang tumulo ang mga luha sa aking mga mata. Napadilat ako bigla, napatunganga sa kawalan. Hindi ko na kinaya ang sakit na nadarama.

Ang sakit...

Sobrang sakit...

Ito ang pangalawang araw na wala ka. Akala ko, matapos kong maitulog ang lahat, magiging maayos na ang lahat. Oo, nung una, nakakangiti pa ako. Alam kong hindi totoong mga ngiti iyon, pero kahit papaano, masasabing pinipilit ko namang maging masaya. Nakakasalita na ako, nakakahinga na ako ng maayos, nakakakilos na ako ng matiwasay, lahat ng dati kong ginagawa, nagagawa ko na. Naisip ko na, ayos at normal na ang lahat. Akala ko lang pala iyon. Mapalinlang nga naman ang puso...

Pilit ko mang kalimutan ang gabing iyon, lalo lang siyang bumabalik sa akin. Para bang langaw na kahit ilang beses mong paypayin, balik lang ng balik sa iyong mukha. Ang hirap pala kapag sariwa pa ang sugat. Kahit anong pilit mong gamutin iyon, mas lalo lamang sumasakit.

Gumagalaw ang oras, bawat minuto, bawat segundo, mas lalong lumilinaw ang imahe mo sa isip ko. Ang daming ala-alang naiwan; mga ala-alang gusto ko pa sanang madagdagan; mga ala-alang inisip ko na hindi na mawawala habambuhay. Mapalinlang nga naman ang puso. Ganon pala iyon, pag pinilit mo, mas lalaki ang pursyento na hindi mo makuha ang gusto mo. Ang labo ng mundo, ang labo...

"After all this time, after all that we've been through. Baby, aren't you hurting too?"

Kahit na nakatingin ako sa kawalan, maraming pumasok sa isipan ko. Kung paiikliin, isa lang ang magiging konklusyon... Ang tanga ko. May magagawa ako, alam ko, pero hindi ko ginawa iyon. Alam kong may magagawa ako para mapigilan ang pag lisan niya. Pero, natakot ako. Natakot ako na pag pinilit ko pa, baka lalo lang siyang mapalayo sa akin. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko noong mga panahong yaon. Para bang, gusto ko nang matapos ang pag uusap namin, para lang mapag-isa ako. Pero hindi, makulit ako. Gusto ko pa ng sobra sobrang sakit. Siguro, may gusto rin akong malaman mula sa kanya. Gusto ko sigurong malaman noon kung bakit bigla na lang nag bago ang isip niya. Ang labo.

"One day you're here, and the next you are gone...."

Alam kong may iba pa siyang rason. Pero sa ngayon, ayaw ko pang malaman iyon. Masakit pa, sobrang sakit. Iba talaga ang sakit, kapag puso na ang nasugatan *thank you, friend*. Pero tulad nga ng sinabi ng kaibigan ko, "Ang mga bagay na pinapayo mo sa ibang tao, ay mas epektibo sa'yo". Marahil nga, mas epektibo sa akin yung mga lagi kong payo. "Let time heal. Let tomorrow heal today..."

Nalulungkot ako, nalulungkot ako ng sobra sobra. Pero alam kong proseso lang ito na dapat pag daanan. Kailangan lang siguro na hindi ako magpadala sa mga emosyon ko. Masyadong maganda ang mundo para iwan. Masyadong mahalaga ang buhay para wakasan. Oo, gusto kong maging maayos ang lahat sa aming dalawa, pero alam kong hindi iyon mangyayari sa ngayon. Kailangan maayos ko muna ang sarili ko. At pag dumating ang araw na iyon, magsisimula ako ng bago. Isisiguro ko na sa araw na iyon, maipagmamalaki mo na ako. Pangako iyan.

"Mapipigil mo ba ang damdamin, kung nasanay nang umibig sa'yo?"

Missing You - Freestyle

Mapipigil mo ba? - Freestyle

Jigsaw - Lucida

Salamat ng marami, kaibigan... Sobrang salamat...

Sorry for the long hiatus...

2008-07-27T00:28:00.000-07:00

Wait for my return. I'll be back soon :)

Just practicing some writing styles and writing new materials ;) Expect more stories when I come back. Missing the blogosphere :)

There and Back Again...

2008-04-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

I held on to the card on my hand and took a last glimpse at her...

Naputol ang himbing ng aking pagkakatulog nang biglang tumunog ang aking telepono isang umaga. Pagkatingin ko, tumatawag na pala ang aking tatay. Hindi ko ito sinagot dahil akala ko ginigising lang niya ako, kaya kinansela ko ito at sinubukang matulog muli. Naputol nanaman ang aking tulog nang bigla ulit siyang tumawag makalipas ang ilang segundo, sa ngayon, sinagot ko na ito...

"Anak, pumunta ka nga sa iskul ni Dyan at kunin mo ung report card nya, di na ko makakabalik eh, wala ka naman lakad kaya ikaw na lang kumuha..."

Wala na akong nagawa, di naman kusang pupunta sa bahay namin yung report card na 'yon. Nagmadali akong nagbihis at pumunta na sa eskwela. Tanghali na noon, mataas na ang araw. Nakakasunog ang sinag nito, nakakabulag. Malas pa no'n at walang masakyan. Tumatagatak na ang pawis ko pero tiniis ko na lamang ito. Naghanap ako ng silong at doon na rin nakakita ng masasakyan. Sa wakas. Medyo siksikan sa jeep pero tiniis ko na lang, basta lang makasilong. Nagbayad na ako sa drayber, at makalipas ang ilang minuto, nakarating din sa paroroonan ko.

Tinakpan na ng mga ulap ang haring araw, luminaw sa paningin ko ang isang gusaling minsan na ring naging parte ng buhay ko. Dalian akong pumasok rito para makasilong bago pa man umalis ang mga ulap. Pag pasok ko, daliang bumalik ang mga ala-ala sa isip ko. Bigla ko na lang nakita ang sarili ko, naglalaro sa ilalim ng puno malapit sa may gate, batang-bata pa, wala pang kamuwang-muwang sa tunay na mundo. Pinigil ko ang luhang malapit nang lumabas sa mga mata ko at pumasok na sa loob para makuha na ang report card ng kapatid ko.

Pag pasok ko pa lang sa pintuan, sinalubong na agad ako ng aking dating guro nung elementarya.

"Aba! (tumigil siya habang nakaturo sa akin) Ano ginagawa mo dito?"

"Sir, si Richard po ako, di mo na ko kilala? Kunin ko po card ng kapatid ko..."

Bigla siyang tumawa sabay tapik sa aking balikat. Nakitawa na lang din ako at iniwan ko na siya do'n. Nagmadali ako dahil ayoko na manatili pa sa lugar na 'yon. Hinanap ko na agad ang section ng kapatid ko, di naman ako nahirapan sa paghahanap, nakita ko agad ito. Nakaupo doon ang kanyang adviser, hindi ko siya kilala, marahil ay bago lamang siyang pumasok doon. Nakikipag usap siya sa dati kong science teacher noong hayskul. Hindi nya ko napansin, pero nakita ako ng teacher ko noon at tinuro ako. Agad naman akong kinausap ng adviser.

"Ah, kay Dyan ba? 'eto card nya, pirma ka dito tapos bigay mo rin 'tong dyaryo (school paper). Hinihintay niya yan, kasi featured siya diyan."

Hindi ko muna tinignan ang nasabing dyaryo, agad akong nagpasalamat sa adviser at nagpaalam na din. Dalian akong lumabas sa gusali, wala na akong pakialam kung mainit man ang panahon. Paglabas ko, tinignan ko na ang grades ng kapatid ko. Walang bagsak, matataas lahat. Itong ito rin yung mga grades na pinangarap ko noong hayskul pa ko. Nainis ako sa sarili ko, nagtatanong kung bakit hindi ko sineryoso ang buhay ko noong hayskul. Kaya ngayon, nahihirapan ako sa buhay kolehiyo. Tumigil ako sandali, tinignan ang eskwelahang minsan na ring naging parte ng buhay ko.

"Salamat sa mga memorya..."

Dalian akong nakahanap ng jeep at umuwi na, iwan-iwan ang mga mapapait na karanasan sa dati kong paaralan. Pero minsan na rin sumagi sa isipan ko na... Miss ko na pala talagang maging isang highschool student...

She never knew...

2008-04-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

Sabi nila, 'wag mo daw hanapin ang pag-ibig, kusa daw itong dumadating sa atin. Dapat lang maging patient. Pero pa'no mo nga naman malalaman kung nasa harapan mo na ang taong hinihintay mo kung wala kang ginagawa kundi mag hintay?

Naikot ang mundo ko sa katagang yaon. Maghintay... Maghintay... Pero minsan, sumagi din sa isip ko, nakakasawa din pala yung puro na lang hintay. Minsan, naisip ko na 'wag na lang ituloy ito, pero ano bang magagawa ko, kung sa lahat ng ginagawa ko ikaw at ikaw pa rin ang pumapasok sa isip ko?

Maaari nga siguro, napasok ka na sa sistema ko. Ni minsan, hindi kita makalimutan. Sinubukan kong mag hanap ng iba, pero wala rin nangyari. Mas lalo pa akong nahulog sa iyo. Hindi na kita ma-alis sa isip ko. Ayoko rin namang mawala ka sa buhay ko. Kaya heto, ano bang magagawa ko diba? Hintay...

Ang hirap nga namang magmahal ng taong may mahal ng iba...

The Leader of the Band...

2008-02-18T04:00:00.000-08:00

He never said a word, until that night...

Everybody felt alive that day, everybody seemed to be excited on that day's event. There was a slight chill in the winds, but the everybody didn't seem to mind it.

I too, was excited of what was going to happen that day. It was our christmas party, the highlight of the school year. I wanted to know what's it like celebrating christmas with new friends and new school. Everybody was talking about it, they were saying that the event was the most awaited event of all students, especially the lovers. They were starting to get ready for the night, except for one person.

He pulled his armchair beside the window and sat on it. He looked at the mountains outside, without a single word coming out of his mouth. He didn't care about the hassles that were happening around. He just sat there, as if thinking of something. He picked up his guitar and started playing the song that he made. It was wonderful. He played it like he was in love with the music. He sang it with all his heart. Slowly, I sat beside him, listened to the melody that he plays.

"What are you doing?", I asked. He just smiled as he said, "Nothing, I was just practicing a song."

He put the guitar down very slowly and stood up as he said, "Come on, we have to practice. We're going to play for the night's event right?" I smiled and agreed. So we went on our way.

The day seemed to pass by so quickly, the sun immediately made way for the moon. I went to the school early that time so I could set up the instruments needed for the program. I was with my classmate that moment, but he was quiet once again, never uttered any single word. He just looked at the stillness of space as he was tuning the guitars. Sweat fell down from his forehead, and his hands were shaking. I could hear his heartbeat from across the room. I could tell from his actions that he was thinking of something. He wiped down the sweat, stood up and freshen up a bit. "I guess we're all set. Are you ready?" He said with a smile on his face. He showed a smile, but his eyes showed his true feelings. I could feel that there's something he wanted me to do. But I didn't know what.

And then it happened. Lights filled the auditorium as the people danced their spirits all night. They all looked very happy and lively, but I was right at the stage, holding a guitar. I looked at them with pure envy as they asked me to join them. I couldn't, for it was already time for our performance.

I stood up as he walked to the centerstage. He held his guitar and went to the microphone. It made a very disturbing feedback, everyone just laughed. "Sorry about that." He said, with the same smile on his face. He looked at me and gave me a signal. I agreed with a nod. "This one's for the couples here tonight. Let's make this night last forever shall we? How about we fill the auditorium with love?" The people shouted, and slowly the noise faded as he plucked the guitar. He had a good singing voice, just right for making the girls fall for him. He could hypnotize everyone with the melodies that were coming out of his vocal chord. The room immediately filled with trance. I could see the people, each with a partner. I could feel the love that time. I looked at him as he continued to sing.

Suddenly, he stopped after he sang the refrain, but he signaled us to continue playing. And so we did. Everyone didn't seem to notice that he stopped, probably because they were happy dancing on their own worlds. He put the guitar down and walked fast through the door. He didn't stop until he was covered with darkness. We wondered, but still we continued to play his song. After a while, he entered the room again, but this time, he was not alone. He was with a beautiful lady, looking a bit speechless and clueless of what was going on. I smiled, for I knew what he wanted me to do that time.

Everybody stopped for a while as they noticed him entering the room. He smiled at me as I handed him the microphone. He portrayed a different person that night. The quiet, mysterious leader of the band, became a person filled with hope and love. "Shall we dance?" he said with the microphone on. Tears fell from the young lady's eyes as she wrapped her arms around her partner. We continued to play, but now, he was singing on the tune again. The serenade awed the whole place. We watched them right there at the center stage as they danced their way through the hands of time.

I stared at the stillness of space as I wondered...

"When will be my time?.."

Split...

2008-02-11T05:10:00.000-08:00

Nang minsa'y naging atin ang lahat...

Luha nanaman ang gumising sa akin matapos na sigawan ako ng sinag ng araw. Pilit kong tinatago ang nakaraang laging tumutusok sa aking kalamnan. Pero balewala din pala, dahil hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin ibang laman ang utak ko kundi ang pasakit na iniwan mo.

Nakakapanibago ang kapaligiran. Hindi ako sanay ng gumigising ng wala ka sa tabi ko. Para bang naghahanap ako ng tubig para mapawi ang uhaw na nadarama sa kalooban. Ni hindi ko na rin malaman kung ano bang dapat isipin simula nang lumisan ka. Ni hindi ko nga din alam, kung bakit mo pa naisipang gawin ito sa akin.

Sa'yo lang umikot ang mundo ko, minsan inisip ko na naging atin ang lahat-lahat ng bagay sa mundo. Hindi tayo noon matinag. Kahit anong harang ang iharap sa atin, sabay lang natin ito inaakyat. Kahit gaano man kahirap ang pag subok na binibitawan nila sa atin, hawak kamay natin itong hinaharap. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit sa isang maliit na bagay lang, bumitaw ka na sa pagkakahawak sa akin.

Hinabol kita, kahit saan ka pumunta, ngunit kahit gaano man kabilis ang hakbang na ginagawa ko ni hindi ko maabot ang kamay mo. Pilit kong pinaglalaban ang pag-ibig ko sa'yo, pero heto't ikaw pa ang nagiging sanhi ng pagkatalo ko. Luha lamang ang naging sandigan ko, luha lang ang naging karamay ko. Minsan naisipan kong tapusin na ang buhay ko, pero nariyan lamang ang luha para iligtas ako. Pinilit kong maging malakas, para na rin sa sarili ko. Alam kong balang araw, makakalimot din ako sa pasakit na iniwan mo. Sarili ko rin ang makikinabang kung ako'y magiging malakas.

Oo... Malakas. Malakas ako, tama. Ba't nga ba ako nagpapa apekto sa ginawa mo? Kung ipagpapatuloy ko ito, lagi lang akong magiging talo. Panahon na para tuluyan nang burahin ang ala-ala mo. Malakas ako. Kaya ko ito. Hindi kita kailangan sa buhay ko, hindi kita kailangan.

Lumipas ang mga buwan, natapos na rin sa wakas ang luha. Nabalik na ang ngiti sa aking mga labi, sapagkat mayroon nang nagpakita ng pagmamalasakit sa akin. Pag-ibig na hindi mo mahahanap kahit saan. Masaya na ako sa wakas, kaya ngayon, hindi na ako muling magkakamali pa. Natuto na ako, ayoko nang maulit muli ang nangyari. Ayoko nang multuhin ako ng paulit ulit na pangyayari. Tama na ang isa. Hindi na mauulit pa.

Pero, di nagtagal, nakarinig ako ng mahinang boses mula sa malayo. Isang tinig na pamilyar. Tinig na akala ko'y tuluyan nang nawala sa sistema ko. Akala ko lang pala iyon. Hayan ka nanaman, humihingi ng kapatawaran. Sinasabi na ako parin ang nasa isip mo matapos ang lahat-lahat. Hindi na, hindi mo na ako matitinag. Malakas na ako ngayon, hindi na ako matutukso ng iyong matatamis na salita. Naging matatag ako, para na rin sa sarili ko at sa bago kong sinisinta. Hindi mo na ako maloloko pa, hindi na kailan man. Pero kahit gano'n, ni minsan, hindi ako nagtanim ng galit sa iyo. Dahil hindi pa rin maitago na, ikaw ang pinakamagandang istoryang naisulat ko. Pero tulad ng bawat istorya. Ito'y mananatili lamang isang kwento. Ang naisulat na sa libro ng kasaysayan, ay kailan ma'y hindi na mauulit pa. Hindi na...

Thanks to my classmates for the inspiration. I've been hearing a lot of break-up stories lately. Papalapit pa naman ang Valentines. Nakakalungkot. Maging malakas ka'yo. Para sa inyo ito.

Just a quick update...

2008-02-01T17:22:00.000-08:00

Kumusta naman, hindi na ako nakakapag-update.

Since it's February, I think I'm going to make a quick update on what's been happening to icarus lately.

Hmm, let's see. Last December, me and my bowling friends joined the 1st Manila Open Bowling tournament held @ Mall of Asia. I made a promise before that, If ever I didn't win anything there, I would stop bowling for a while. But guess what, I made it to 1st runner up in the Youth Division Masters, and the Champion in the Open Masters. Haha! Ang Saya ng pasko!

So I guess, i'll still continue playing this sport haha!

After Manila Open, we went to Malaysia to join the 8th Milo International All Stars held @ Mega Lanes Pyramid in Malaysia. It was one hell of an experience. Although we didn't win any awards, we were enthralled by the experience, we sure learned a lot of things and techniques. And we learned how to play archery! whahaha! I'll go play there again!

After that, National Youth Championship happened @ Greenvalley, Pasig. It was my first time, and grabe it was fun! All the youth bowlers in different associations all over the country, battled out for the top prize, The Perpetual Cup. haha! My sister won at the Ladies Masters. She is the youngest bowler to win the ladies masters in the history of NYC. hahah! Congrats to her :P

And of course. TBAM won the Perpetual Cup again! Yay us! Congrats sa lahat ^_^

Last January, I went to Cebu to join the Sinulog Open Classics held @ Gaisano Bowlingplex. Ang ganda sa Cebu! Our bowler friends there showed us a very good time. But I guess, I was the one who had fun the most. Why? Let's just say that I felt love again. *giggle* I'm going back there again next year! haha! I miss you guys!

And lastly, my sister was one of the top qualifiers for the 7th SM Bowling Cup Lipton National Finals held @ SM Megamall. She made it to the top 15, then made it again to the top 8. Then she won again and made it to the top 4 where she faced a colleague. Eventually, she made it to the finals where she faced Benshir Layoso, an RP Team member. Guess what, she won! haha! She won the top prize, a Nissan Sentra. Yay! New Car! :D Congrats again to my sis! Galing mo talaga, ilang beses ka na na Dyaryo!

So yeah, I guess that's about it. I'm done here. And I'm off to school hahaha!

So Far Away

2008-01-01T03:04:00.000-08:00

He whispered at the wind...

The translucent drops of hail fell down upon the land as he looked up upon the glory of the night sky. He longed for a sweet embrace all those time for he always felt the chill, and the loneliness of being alone.

For a long time, he had no companion. He asked for a miracle every moment of his life. A miracle that he thought, will never ever happen.

One night, as he sat under the cradle of the moonlight. He noticed the most brightest star, hanging on upon the vastness of the universe. He looked at it with pure amusement. But still he wished that he could look at it with someone by his side. His face marked a sign of sadness as the cold winds carried him up to the night sky. He closed his eyes for a bit, he opened his heart as he listened to the whispers of the wind. They made soft voices that formed words. Words that seemed to call upon his lonely heart. He heard hope upon those voices.

"Someday, everything will be ok..."

He slowly opened his eyes, for he felt a very strange warmth. Then, he noticed the brightest star in front of him. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. But then as the star shone more brighter, it blinded his vulnerable eyes. He couldn't see anything but a white light. Then all of a sudden, it exploded into millions and millions of pieces. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

He was enthralled by what he saw. A tear fell from his eye and a smile marked upon his lips. His prayers were heard, his wishes came true. As tears continued to fall upon his eyes, he felt a soft caress. Warmth filled up upon his heart and body as he listened again to the soft whispers.

"I'm here now, do not be afraid..."

He felt a soft kiss on his cheek, then he looked at her. She was very beautiful. Her eyes were as bright as the stars. He never felt this alive before. After a long time, he was happy once more. Happy as he could ever be.

"You are never alone, always remember that..."

Then she slowly flew away from him. He tried to reach her but then she was too far away. He couldn't move a single muscle. He felt like he was paralyzed as the winds slowly took him back to the ground. As soon as his feet planted upon the soil, he then again, looked at the night sky. He watched her slowly leaving his sight. She smiled upon him as she again, shone for him. He felt hope. He knew that someday, they will meet again. But until then, he waited as he whispered..."

"I know we're far away... But trust me, I'll find a way just to get there!"

Happy New Year ^_^

The Coin...

2007-11-22T02:52:00.000-08:00

She held the coin as if it was the last coin on earth...

The sun was about to set that day, another tiring day ended and I was about to go home. I rushed down the waiting shed to find a decent and cold FX so I could get some short shut eye. Fate had been good to me, for I immediately found what I was looking for. I signaled the FX, it never ignored my call. I entered the vehicle and paid the fare. Then the driver gave me three 5 peso coins as change, leaving him only bills on his treasury. Then I took out my snack, the usual chocolate I buy from a convience store.

The vehicle stopped at the nearest overpass, probably because of the building traffic. My chocolate was already in half when someone knocked at the door. There was someone outside, struggling to get in. She was unable to open the door for she had no hands to use. She held a thick book on a hand and a handbag on the other. So I never hesitated to help her out. I opened the door, and let her in until she was comfy on her seat. She smiled at me and said in a soft manner "Thank you". I smiled as I looked into her eyes.

She wore a white clinical uniform, with a black sweater. There was no buttons on her sweater so a safety pin held it close together. She had thick eyeglasses and wore a cute smile. I couldn't stop looking at her. My eyes couldn't hold it anymore, I was really tired back then, I really need the sleep. But then I woke up when she said "Here's my fair". She passed on a 50 peso bill. As the driver received the money, he had a disappointed look on his face. He doesn't have coins to complete her change. He scratched his head as he said "Ma'am, do you have a 5 peso coin?". "Wait a second," She answered. She searched her coin purse, until she realized, she didn't have any. "Sir, I don't have a 5 peso coin" she said. The driver scratched his head again. "I do", those words immediately came out of my mouth. I couldn't help it. She looked at me with the worried look on her face. She tried to stop me but nevertheless, I didn't falter. I passed on my change. She blushed as she said "Thanks". "But I don't have any coins here, I can't pay you back." Worriedly she said. "No no no, keep it. You can pay me back when we meet again ok?" I answered. She smiled and agreed. I giggled softly and offered her a piece of my chocolate. She accepted it with a cute smile on her face.

After that, I did my usual rest while riding an FX. Before I fell into a deep slumber, I opened my eyes slightly and looked at her for a bit. She was looking at me, blushing.

I woke up as I felt the vehicle slowly approaches at our destination. She fixed her things and held her handbag, I too did the same thing. The FX stopped at the terminal, I opened the door for her. "Promise I'll pay you back." She said as she slowly departed the vehicle. "Sure, I'll wait for that day." I answered. She smiled and went on. I looked at her as she faded unto the horizon, and I too carried on with a sign of joy written on my face.

Fate's Dagger...

2007-11-05T06:15:00.000-08:00

She's everything I've ever wanted...

He knelt on the soft grass as he counted every tear falling from the windows of his broken soul. He looked at the darkness of the night sky, as he noticed the moon, slowly fading out as it hides behind the rainclouds.

They played under the bright sun, but it was rainy on his side. He looked at them from afar. Pure envy filled up upon his soul, his heart, then his mind. But whenever he tried to do something, a part of him says no. He couldn't do anything for he doesn't have the right. He sought for his sanctuary to let out all the hatred hidden upon his heart.

Secretly, she looked upon him. Her eyes were filled with pity. She tried to talk to him but she was afraid. So, she never moved a muscle. Paralyzed, as if somebody's preventing her from doing anything. She looked at the other side of her life and went on with it, leaving him alone on that same spot.

He tried to catch every falling tear from his eyes. "Nothing will happen if I won't do anything." He shouted on his thoughts. But what can he do? He wondered. He asked the heavens for answers. He closed his eyes as he wished upon the first night star.

She took another glimpse of him. She really wanted to go closer to him, but still she couldn't do anything. All she could ever do was to look at him from afar. She waited, waited, and waited some more.

Slowly, he stood up. He left his sanctuary to seek for freedom. Freedom from all the sadness and the hatred. He took a deep breath and went on to his only quest: To win back her heart once more. The rainclouds faded as the sunlight burst upon the dark clouds. He gathered all the strength from the heavens.

She watched him as she waited anxiously beneath her own sanctuary. She felt hope, slowly filling up her empty words. A sign of happiness lingered on her lips as a tear fell from her eye. Her thoughts followed him around, as if she was drawing him closer to her.

They both held the Fate's Dagger and thrusted it on the wall that torn them apart. Their eyes met once more. No words can be heard upon their lips, but anyone could sense the whispers of their souls. Fate has brought them together once more. He thought that it will last forever, but he was wrong. She tried to send her message through her eyes. She couldn't move a muscle once more. Darkness slowly drifted her away. He tried to reach for her hand but he failed. He knelt down, paralyzed. Then he heard a voice upon the fading darkness...

"Free me..."

The Lost Paradise...

2007-10-23T12:19:00.000-07:00

He turned his back on her as his eyes filled with tears...

Ngumiti siya panandalian, ngunit hindi pa rin niya maitago ang kalungkutang nasa kanyang puso. Tumitig lamang siya sa kawalan habang hawak ang kanyang malalambot na mga kamay...

Malumanay niyang hinaplos ang kanyang malambot at mahabang buhok, dagliang pagkalma ng kalooban ang kanyang naramdaman sa mga oras na yaon. Hindi rin maitago sa kanyang mukha ang bakas ng kaligayahang minsan na ring naipagkait sa kanya. Tinitigan niya ang kanyang mga mata sabay na pagbulong ng kanyang mga nadarama. Ngumiti lamang ang dalaga, pero pansin ang pagkamanhid sa kanyang reaksyon. Napansin ito ng binata, kaya't unti unting humahapyaw ang kaligayahan na nadarama.

Humiga silang dalawa upang pagmasdan ang bughaw na kalangitan. Hinawakan ng binata ang kanyang kamay. Mahigpit ang pagkakapit niya dito, ngunit ang dalaga'y hindi man lang kumapit pabalik. Nawala ang paningin ng binata, puro kawalan ang lumabas na imahe sa kanyang utak. Wala na siyang naramdaman. Unti unti siyang kumalas mula sa pagkakahawak niya sa malambot na kamay ng dalaga.

"Ano na ang nangyari sa atin sinta?" Ang bulong ng binata. Napatingin sa kanya ang dalaga na may halong pagtataka sa kanyang mga mata. "Bakit? Hindi ka ba masaya na makasama ako?" Ang sagot niya. Pinikit niyang panandalian ang kanyang mga mata habang dinamdam ang malamig na simoy ng hangin.

"May itatanong ako sa iyo, kung iyong mamarapatin."
"Ano iyon?"
"Masaya ka pa ba sa akin?" Sabay na pagtingin niya sa dalaga.

Tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ng dalaga, hindi niya alam kung ano ang kanyang sasabihin. Dahan dahan siyang tumayo at sumunod naman ang binata. Tinitigan niya ito sa mga mata.

"Hindi ko alam... Hindi ko alam..."
"Hindi ko alam?"
"Hindi ko alam, pero unti-unti nang nawawala ang nararamdaman ko para saiyo."
"Ano? Bakit?"
Tumahimik lamang ang dalaga

Napatigil ang binata sa kanyang pag hinga. Dalian namang tumulo ang kanyang mga luha. Hindi siya makapag salita, hindi siya makagalaw. Tinalikuran niya ang dalaga upang hindi makita ang pagtulog ng kanyang mga luha. Naramdaman niyang dahan dahang sumandal ang dalaga sa kanyang likuran at hinawakan ang kanyang nanginginig na mga kamay.

"Kahit anong mangyari, nandito lang naman ako diba?"
"Alam ko naman iyon."
"Huwag ka nang malungkot, hindi kita iiwan."
"Huwag malungkot? Akala mo ba madali lang iyon?"

Pero nagtataka pa rin ang binata, kahit gaano kasakit ang nararamdaman niya, hindi pa rin niya lubos maitago na mahal pa rin niya ang dalaga. Pinilit niyang maging masaya, pinilit niyang ngumiti. Ngunit, hindi nga iyon ganoon kadali. Tumingala siya sa kalangitan. "Bahala na" ang tanging sinisigaw. Hindi niya akalaing sa sariling paraiso pa niya mag tatapos ang lahat. Malungkot niyang hinarap ang dalaga, at sabay na pag lisan niya sa kanilang nawalang paraiso...

Why is it so hard to say goodbye...

2007-10-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the late announcement... Siguro naman napansin nyo na din kahit hindi ko sabihin

Hindi maganda ang labas ng sem ko. Madaming bagay ang nagpagulo. Hindi ako nag seryoso, kaya siniguro ko na next sem, seryoso na talaga... That means, I'm gonna stop blogging for a while. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako babalik o kung babalik pa ako.. Bahala na.

Ayun. Talk to you guys soon...

My 1st red layout.. Sana magustuhan nyo. :) Thanks Karla. ^^

The Meme...

2007-10-08T04:02:00.000-07:00

Sembreak is fast approaching, and so is our finals. Sorry kung medyo hindi ako nakakapost lately. I don't have the inspiration I need. Maraming nangyari, hindi ko alam kung maganda o pangit. Basta, my head hearts from all the thinking. Sana balang araw, matapos na rin ang kaguluhang ito sa kaisipan ko. Balang araw.

Buti na lang at binigyan ako ng meme ni Karla. Hehe, blogsaver! So here it goes...

Desktop Free View Instruction:

A.Upon receiving this tag, immediately perform a screen capture of your desktop. It is best that no icons be deleted before the screen capture so as to add to the element of fun. You can do a screen capture by:

[1] Going to your desktop and pressing the Print Screen key (located on the right side of the F12 key).

[2] Open a graphics program (like Picture Manager, Paint, or Photoshop) and do a Paste (CTRL + V).

[3] If you wish, you can “edit” the image, before saving it.

B. Post the picture in your blog. You can also give a short explanation on the look of your desktop just below it if you want. You can explain why you preferred such look or why is it full of Icons, things like that.

C. Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktop as well.

Here's my desktop. The explanation? Well...

The wallpaper, hmm. I confess, I cheated. That's not the original wallpaper. I changed it at the last minute. This was the wallpaper I made for my Friendster Layout. The drawing was by my friend Kris. The motto says: "I'd rather die sleeping and dreaming you're here, than waking up every morning noticing that... You're not real". The meaning? Hmm. Read between the lines. :)

For the icons, as much as possible, I want my desktop to be as clean as possible. So there... Wala na akong masabi.

For the tag? Wala na akong itatag. Na-tag na lahat eh ^_^ sa mga gustong gumawa ng meme na ito, kayo na bahala. :)

Breath Taker...

2007-09-13T04:14:00.000-07:00

No words can describe the happiness that we felt...

Congratulations to the

UE Red Warriors!

A real breath taker. Sana walang pasok! wohoo! XD

It doesn't matter who wins or losses. All that matters is that you're a Warrior!
A warrior by name, and a warrior by heart!

New Hair, New Life...

2007-09-06T04:50:00.000-07:00

I lost my power..

Ok, i'll let you join the Asian Schools Training as long as I see your
hair cut on sunday.

Those words struck my senses as soon as he said that to me. I couldn't believe what I've heard. It has been my dream to be a part of that bowling team. If not a part of it, at least I could join them in training. But then, the offer had a very hard price. Yes, my hair cut.

My hairstyle has been my trademark in the PBC Youth (Philippine Bowling Congress). Usually, when I play sports, I usually wear a pony tail to keep my hair from covering my eyes. Some youth bowlers find it very disturbing, while some find it cute. I guess not only the Youth bowlers noticed my "style" but the "sponsor recruiters" as well. Kaya pala hindi ako nakakuha ng sponsor dahil hindi daw disente ang itsura ko.

Also, this has been my "look" when I was forced to join the CCSS College Idol last semester. I was always the noticable contestant, for my hair constantly covers my eyes. One of the judges even mentioned: "Alam mo, maganda sana yung mga mata mo, kung hindi lang natatakpan ng buhok mo". The audiences' reaction was the same as hers. I just smiled and flicked my hair.

And lately, I changed my hairstyle to what people call it "The Emo Look". Yes people, emo look. For those bloggers who saw me already, I know that they know this. But then, the covering of the eyes made me very irritable, so I decided to bite their "dare".

I went to my "trusted" barber and had my hair done. I told him to just trim it shortly and never cut it too short. But damn it! I guess he didn't quite get what I've said! As the razor sharp scissors moved closer to my hair, I felt uneased. "Shlick!" And then it happened. The first fall of my uber long hair came down unto my lap. I held it for one last time and closed my eyes. "Shlick Shlick Shlick!" The horrific sound continued. When I opened my eyes, I was shocked by the result...

I felt like I was 5 years younger. I felt like an elementary student! "WTF!" I whispered in my mind.

Nako, kapag hindi pa ako nakuha sa Team Prima nito, leche isusumpa ko na sila!

*Trivia: It takes just only 30 minutes to cut a 1 year grown hair.

Sad, I miss my hair T_T

The Dream or The Ambition...

2007-09-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

Whatever I choose, there's always a feedback...

A lot of things has been happening lately, and I can tell you, it's really making me crazy. I need an advice. Please, can you help me make a decision?

1.) For all of you guys out there who knows me a lot, music has been and will always be a part of my life. I once dreamt of having our own concert with our band or at least, have a music video aired in either Myx or MTv. But then, I know that before the famous bands out there became what they are today, they first seeked for gigs and such. And finally, one of my bandmate found a place where we could start. It's just a small bar somewhere in España. I would like to try it out sometime, but then I'm thinking that my tight schedule right now wouldn't allow it.

2.) I've been playing bowling for a year now and I must say, I'm getting better at it. When I was starting, getting a score of 130 was harder than understanding the Laws of Gravity. But then, with a lot of practice (and I mean a LOT!) my average score went up to 180+. I can say it's an achievement but, as my co-bowler said to me: "Don't be satisfied with what you have right now. Strive harder, Aim high! Pasay!"

Yes, I strived harder, and I must say, it was worth it. My sister's coach told me to join their training for the Asian Schools. This is really a big opportunity for me because my ambition to be a member of Team Prima will not be that hard to reach. (Prima is one of the most prestigious bowling teams not only in the Philippines but in Asia as well.) But big opportunities means big adjustments. Time will be a problem because of the Trainings and Tournaments. It is hard finding a free time as it is. I want to be a member of Prima but, I have a life too...

Whatever I choose, there is a negative feedback hanging onto it. I don't want that feedback to happen to me again. I once made a decision that changed my life forever. I'm afraid of making the same mistake as I did before. Why is it so hard to choose?! Please, help me decide...

It is hard finding time for us to talk as it is. I'm afraid that if these things would take all my free time away. I don't want to take the risk. I don't want to make the same mistakes all over again. I don't want to lose her again... I'm scared...

Whatever may happen, I hope she would understand that all I'm doing right now is not mainly for myself. I want to have a stable career. Money doesn't grow on trees. I don't want to be a fat slob sitting around, doing nothing in the future. I'm thinking ahead, I want to earn my own income. Not just for me, but for her as well...

Promise me you won't leave my side. Promise me you won't leave me. Promise
me... Please...
I'm afraid of losing you.

Heart to Heart Sessions...

2007-08-30T04:07:00.000-07:00

Nang minsang mag heart to heart kami...

"O, ano na? Tuloy ba lakad natin?" ang nakangiting tanong ng aming driver. "Hindi ko alam kuya eh, kasi mag out of town daw sila." Tinignan lang niya ako na tila'y tinatawanan, tinapik niya lang ako sa balik at sinabing ayos lang yan, may panahon pa, matutuloy din tayo.

Ginising ng malakas na hiyaw ng sasakyan ang aming tahanan, dalian akong lumabas ng bahay para pumunta na sa sasakyan. Miyerkules nanaman, dadalo pa pala kami sa isang paligsahan sa bowling. Pag sakay ko sa passenger seat, sinalubong ako ng ngiti ng aming drayber at sabay sabi ng tara na.

Naging matagal ang biyahe, maulan at sobrang dikit na ang mga sasakyan. Bumper to bumper ika nga. Masyadong tahimik ang paligid, pero agad naman niyang binasag ang katahimikan. "O kumusta na kayo?" ang tanong niya. "Ayos naman, ganun pa rin" sagot ko na may kasamang mahinang tawa. Napatawa lang siya at napatahimik sandali, mukhang malalim ang kanyang iniisip.

Muli nanaman niyang binasag ang katahimikan nang bigla siyang mag kwento. At siyempre, bukas ang dalawa kong tenga at nakinig sa kanyang payo.

Nung ako'y hayskul pa lamang, mayroon akong babaeng minahal. Naalala ko, 4th year ako noon at siya'y 3rd year. New student siya noon tapos varsity ako ng eskwelahan namin. Nanggaling siya sa isang catholic school, isipin mo na lang, puro madre at pari ang namamahala doon. Hindi siya ganoon kaganda, hindi rin naman siya kapangitan. Talagang malinis siya manamit, dalagang Pilipina kumilos at sobrang bait! Noon, uso pa yung "slum book", yung parang librong pinapasa pasa tapos mag susulat ka doon ng gusto mong sabihin. Eh nagkataong nabasa ko dun yung sinulat niya na "Crush ko siya, ang galing niya kasing mag basketball". Nag sulat din ako ng "Crush din kita, nung unang beses ka pa lamang tumapak sa skul na ito." Nung mga panahon na yon, di pa ako marunong dumiskarte sa mga chicks. Syempre batang-bata pa ako noon. Edi nagpaturo ako dun sa kapitbahay naming may asawa na. Sabi nya "sabihin mo Mahal mo siya tapos kapag hindi ka nya sagutin, tatalon ka sa bintana!" Sumagot ako na "Paano ako tatalon eh wala namang 2nd floor ung eskwelahan?"
Tapos, araw-araw kasama ko siya. Hatid sundo ko pa 'yon noon! Pasyal dito, pasyal doon. Tapos tinanong ko siya ng "kelan mo ba ako sasagutin?" sumagot lang siya ng "kapag mahal mo talaga ako, maghihintay ka". "May pag-asa ba ako?" Tinanong ko, ang sabi lang niya "Ewan ko." Pagkasabi pa lang noon, tuwang tuwa na ako. Syempre, kapag ewan ko ang sinabi, mayroon ka pa ring chansa kahit papaano diba? Edi iyon, hintay naman ako. Pero nung lumipas yung dalawang buwan parang hindi na kami masyadong nagpapansinan, dahil nga ang tagal na eh, naubusan na ko ng ikukwento! Tapos tinanong lang niya ako kung bakit daw hindi na ako namamansin, sinabi ko lang na "Wala na kasi akong maikwento sa iyo." Tapos sagot niya "O sige, para naman marami ka na ulit ma-ikwento sa akin, sasagutin na kita." Grabe, alam mo ung pakiramdam nung araw na iyon. Para akong lumilipad sa langit!

-To Be Continued

Panahon na Naman...

2007-08-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

May naririnig akong bagong awitin...

Sumikat ang matinding sinag ng araw sa kanyang mga mata isang umaga. Hindi na siya nagkaroon ng limang minuto upang mahimbing panandalian. Tumayo siyang bakas ang kalungkutan na naiwan ng madilim na kahapon, sabay pag pungay ng mga mata at pag tanggal ng katamaran sa katawan. Kay ganda ng araw na yaon, ngunit hindi maganda ang kanyang gising.

Pinilit niyang aliwin ang sarili niya upang mawala ang lumbay na nararamdaman. Pumunta siya kung saan saan para lang mamasyal. Ngunit nagkamali pala siya sa kanyang ginawa. Imbis na lumigaya ang kanyang puso, lalo pa itong nalungkot. Sapagkat saan man siya tumingin, naroon at may nakikita siyang mga magkasintahang magkahawak ang kamay. Tila kanila ang mundo, ang oras ay humihinto habang ang kanilang mga mata'y nagkakatagpo. Pinilit niyang ngumiti at maging masaya sa mga nakikita niya, pero hindi lang pala iyon ganoon kadali. Tumingala na lamang siya sa kalangitan upang kahit papano'y mapawi ang lungkot na nadarama.

Hindi naging matagumpay ang kanyang paglalakbay. Umuwi siyang luhaan, ni hindi man lang bumabakas sa kanyang mga mata ang ni isang katiting na tuwa. Pagal, sira, siya'y umupo panandalian.

Tumingala siya sa buwan upang manalangin. Nagbilang ng mga nalalaglag na tala sa kalangitan at iniipon ang mga hiling sa kanyang kaisipan. Hindi na niya alam ang gagawin niya sa buhay niya. Minsan, naiisipan niyang itigil na ang kalokohang ito. Minsan, gusto na niyang itigil na ang kanyang buhay. Pero hindi niya alam kung anong mangyayari kapag ginawa niya ito. Naguguluhan, nasisiraan ng ulo, nawawala sa sarili.

Muli nanaman siyang lumuha, naglabas ng sama ng loob sa pamamagitan ng pagkanta. Binuhos ang lahat ng nadarama, sinigaw ang lahat ng hinanain sa kalangitan. Umaasa siyang maririnig ng kanyang sinisinta ang mga hinanaing na ito.

Pumikit siya panandalian, dinama ang malamig na simoy ng hangin. Sa kanyang tenga, tila sila'y umaawit ng mga himig na pilit na nagpapakalma sa kanyang kalooban. Tumigil ang mga luha, sabay na pagyakap sa kanya ng hangin. Binalot siyang muli nito sabay ng pagbulong ng "Tama na.. Tama na.."

Papasok na sana siya sa kanyang silid pero sa huling segundo, napatigil siya. Naramdaman niyang tila may naghahanap sa kanya sa hindi kalayuan. Lumingon siya at may nakita siyang isang pamilyar na anino. Dalian siyang tumakbo palabas ng kanyang tahanan upang salubungin ang magandang kapalaran.

Sa hindi kalayuan, nakita niya ang ngiti na kanyang hinahanap. Kahit papaano, bumakas na rin sa wakas ang katiting na ngiti na hinahangad niya. Muli nanamang tumulo ang luha mula sa kanyang mga mata.

Pero naisip niya... Panghabang buhay na nga ba ang kaligayahang ito o bukas, muli nanaman itong mawawala?

Panahon na naman ng pag ibig.

Mas lalo siyang nagkaroon ng pagasa.

Pag asang bumangon muli mula sa kadiliman

Sa kanyang mga mata, kita ang pagsisikap niya.

Alam kong maghihintay lamang siya, hanggan sa...

Huling patak ng kanyang mga luha.

Wikang Filipino... Nasaan ka na?!

2007-08-18T15:36:00.000-07:00

Sabi ng mga nakakatanda, naging pabigat na raw ang henerasyon natin ngayon... Kesyo magastos tayo, kesyo tamad na tayo dahil sa makabagong teknolohiya, kesyo malalandi na RAW ang karamihan sa ating mga Maria Clara (no offense sa inyo ah?!), kesyo maingay na raw ang ating musika, kesyo ganito! kesyo ganyan! Minsan ba, naranasan niyo nang mainis sa kanila dahil sa pananaw nilang ganito? At eto pa ang isang tanong. Minsan ba, naramdaman niyo na rin ang mga nararamdaman nila ngayon?

Ako? Ngayon ngayon lang. Ewan ko ba. Hindi pa naman ako ganon katanda, pero parang nagiging matured na ang pag iisip ko.. Kasi, pumasok bigla sa utak ko ang kaisipang ito...

"Kung pabigat na ang henerasyon natin ngayon, paano pa ang susunod?"

Oo, ang susunod. Marahil, iyon na ang henerasyon ng ating mga anak, apo at apo sa tuhod. Kay bilis ng panahon ano? Pero, ano mang ligaya ang hatid ng mga ito sa atin, hindi pa rin natin mapipigil ang pag usbong ng teknolohiya, nagiging tamad na ang mga kabataan, at dahil sa teknolohiya, nawala na ang pagiging inosente ng mga pag-asa ng bayan. Hindi ko alam, pero, ngayon. Nakakarelate na ako sa mga pinagsasabi sa akin ng mga kamag anak na matatanda. Oo, marahil ay tumatanda na din ako, pero, gusto kong baguhin ito, kahit sa maliit na paraan na kaya ko.

Napanuod ko din yung commercial sa TV nina Ceasar Montano at ng anak niya. Yung Coffee Mate. At ako'y medyo na ilang sa labas ng nasabing patalastas. Pure english ang salita. Aaminin ko, na elibs ako sa bata, ang galing niyang mag ingles sa kanyang murang edad, ni ako nga, hindi ako makapagsabi ng isang buong sentence ng derecho pwera na lang kung kakantahin ko ito eh. Pero, nailang ako sa side na, pure english siya. Paano na lang ang mga kababayan nating hindi marunong mag ingles? Maiintindihan kaya nila ang patalastas na iyon? Eh paano kung sinabi sa patalastas ay "It will make you sick to your stomach until the end of time" pero ang ipinakita sa telebisyon ay naginhawa mula sa malubhang sakit ang isang matanda? Bibili ka pa ba kung hindi ka nakakaintindi ng Inggles?

Araw-araw, nasa bowling center ako, nagpapraktis. Marami akong nakikita, iba't ibang tao, iba't ibang pananaw, at iba't ibang lenggwahe. Oo, iba iba ang lenggwahe. Marami sa mga kabataang edad lima hanggang pito ay "fluent" na ang pagsasalita ng english. Magaling pa sa Prof ko! At nakita ko rin ang mga kabataang kasama sa henerasyon natin na Taglish naman ang kanilang "Native Tongue". Sobrang nakakailang. Gusto ko sanang sabihin na. "Parang awa niyo na. Kahit ngayong Agosto lang, mahalin niyo naman ang sarili ninyong wika! Nasa Pilipinas kayo diba?"

Inaamin ko, isa akong Manila boy. Sa Maynila, mahirap makipagsabayan, lalo na kung di ka marunong magpaka "In" diba? Sinubukan ko dati iyang taglish na iyan, pero hindi ito umaprub sa akin, at nagmukha lang akong bakla. Pero, nagkaroon ako ng tsansang mamuhay sa probinsya. Dun ko na aapreciate ang ating sariling wika, dahil ang lenggwaheng gamit don ay Tagalog. Yung malalalim ba. Dahil sa karanasan kong iyon, lalong lumakas ang pag mamahal ko sa wikang Filipino. Dahil, mas lalo akong naging bukas sa mga pananaw, bukas sa mga ideya, at bukas sa Diyos.. Hindi ko na kailangan pang mag kunyari. Hindi ko na kailangang magpaka conyo para lang maging In. Masaya na ako sa pagiging Pilipino ko. Masaya na ako sa pagiging isang Indyo. Mas gugustuhin ko pang matawag na Bachellier con Artes con todos borricos (tama ba ispeling?) Kesa maging, "Trying-Hard-wanna-be poser." Mahal ko ang Wika ko, mahal ko ang bayan ko. "Proud Filipino to. Taas mo!"

Nasa sa atin nakasalalay ang pagiging nasyonalistiko ng susunod na henerasyon, nasa sa atin nakasalalay ang kinabukasan nila. Pero, nasa sa atin din ang desisyon kung paano natin sila palalakihin. Good Luck sa atin. At tandaan nyo, lagi kayong kasama sa aking mga panalangin.

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Sa Mata ng Kalawakan...

2007-08-17T04:16:00.000-07:00

Dahil Buwan ng Wika, kailangang gunitain. Kaya ngayon, tagalog muna ako.

Ang mga tala ang kanyang sandigan...

Binuhay siya ng isang malakas na palo ng hangin isang umaga. Bakas pa rin sa mga mata nya ang pag likas ng kanyang mga luha noong kinagabihang yaon. Matagal din siyang nakadilat, gising na ang kanyang kaluluwa ngunit wala pa rin siyang lakas para bumangon at sumabay sa hamon ng araw. Pumikit siya panandalian at binalak na muling managinip, dahil sa panaginip lang niya nararamdaman ang tunay na pagmamahal na hinahanap niya. Pero kahit anong gawin ng binata, lagi siyang nabibigo. Sa panaginip man o sa totoong buhay.

Nabuhay siya na binabalot ng maraming katanungan, ni hindi niya kilala ng lubusan ang kanyang sarili. Nabalot ng kadiliman ang kanyang puso at hindi niya alam kung ano ang tama at mali. Ngunit sa kabilang dako, ang mga katanungang ito ang nagbibigay sa kanya ng lakas upang mabuhay ng mas matagal. Sa pag tahak nya sa mga kasagutan ay hindi niya akalaing tatagal pa pala ang pamamalagi niya sa mundo.

Tuwing gabi, ang mga luha ang kanyang pampatulog. Tuwing umaga, pag aalinlangang mabuhay pa ang gumigising sa kanya. Bakit nga ba naging ganito ang binata? Bakit napuno ng pangamba ang katauhan niyang minsa'y naging simbolo ng ligaya? Isa lamang ang kasagutan. Pag ibig.

Ibig lamang niyang lumigaya, pero sa halip ng lahat ng ginawa niya, naubos ang lahat sa kanya. Hindi naging mabuti sa kanya ang nakakarimariw na tadhana. Pinilit niyang umadyo sa mas mataas na bato pero sa bawat hakbang na ginagawa niya, ni hindi niya matapakan ang dapat niyang tapakan. Pinilit ng binata maging masayang muli, pero kahit anong gawin niya, nahihirapan na siyang ibalik ito.

Alam ko ang nararamdaman ng binatang ito. Alam kong hinahangad niya na muling mayakap ang kanyang sinisinta. Sa gabi, pilit niyang hinahanap ang mata ng kalawakan. Umaasa siya na muli siyang makakaduyan sa kandugan nito. Lumipad muli sa hangin kung saan masaya siyang kasama ang kanyang iniirog. Marahil nga ay pareho kami ng iniisip. Pareho kaming naririmariw sa dapat na maramdaman. Araw-araw, pilit ko mang mapagtanto ang katotohanan, lagi ko naman itong iniiwasan. Marahil ay iisa ang pag ibig na nararamdan namin ng binata.

Pag-ibig lang ang kayang gumawa nito: ang maging masaya kasabay sa pagiging malungkot. Marahil Diyos nga lang ang nakakaalam sa tunay na rason, pero ako? Nais ko itong malaman. Gusto kong makita muli ang pag-ibig na dati'y ibinibigay niya sa akin. Pero alam kong huli na ang lahat. Hindi naman kayang ibalik ng mga luha ang mga panahong nagkasala ako sa kanya. Hindi na maibabalik ang nakaraan. Pero heto ako't patuloy pa ring umaasa. Dahil alam kong, sa kanya lamang ako liligaya...

Inalay ko ang aking buhay, sa duyan ng kalawakan

Hinayaang mag hilom ang mga sugat na natamo

Hinanap sa mga bituwin ang tunay na sandigan

Patuloy na umaasa na sana, kinabukasan... Mahal mo pa rin ako.

feel ko lang magpaka makata... Habang Agosto pa, puro tagalog muna ang aking mga paskil... Isang karanasan mula sa aking kaibigan.

Lagi kitang nasa aking isipan, tandaan mo yan.

Magical Brooms and Boards...

2007-08-06T05:28:00.000-07:00

Nag scan ako ng mga files na hindi na gagamitin kanina. Magbubura sana ako dahil lumalabas na ang "Low Disk Space" na warning.

Sa aking pag hahasik, may nakita akong nagpabalik ng aking mga ala-ala. Mga karanasan kung saan nakakilala ako ng mga kaibigan sa mundo ng virtual reality. Mga karanasan kung saan nakasama ko ang mga mahal ko sa buhay.

A Vagrant. New world to explore alone... Lonely, but then I tried to set foot on my journey.

But then I met someone. Someone who changed my life. Someone who changed the loner part of me. I was happy when I'm with her. We gazed upon the moon every night, and wished upon every falling star we could see.

We were inseparable, every battles and every quests, we've conquered them all together. Side by side, partners.

With the help of friends that we met along the way.

But after all that... This is really what I want to say...

Pictures taken from Flyff. Characters are: Icarus05(Me), Aerith05(Me) and GirlyGarlic(Karla), Semicon(Chris), Badassgirl(Joe), Wyena05(Me).

For my bebi...

Of Tears and Metamorphosis...

2007-07-30T04:53:00.000-07:00

I admire the way it triumphed despite of all the struggles...

Leaves started to fall down on that ancient tree, along with the memories that the time left behind. Autumn is coming fast, the most lonliest season of all, at least for me. Rain falls down as the wind started to get colder and colder every second. Tis also the season where tears are most likely to fall down.

There I sat in front of the window, looking at the bright sunset as it sinks on the ground. I smiled in silence as I let the time flow down my cheeks. I closed my eyes for a bit and reminisced the memories we had back then.

It was also Fall when we first met. There on that same tree you stood still. Tears fell down from your cheeks like the rain pouring down on the sidewalk. You stood there, quietly and shivering from the cold winds. Immediately, I ran towards you and shared my umbrella and jacket. You looked at me with those tear-filled eyes. You shared that empty expression on your face then suddenly you moved closer and rested your head on my chest. I knew that you heard my every heartbeat. I also hoped back then that you felt what I really feel for you. But then, as seasons change. You left me behind on that same tree...

Slowly, I opened my eyes. Tears fell from it as I gave out a soft sigh. I looked at that same tree and noticed a cocoon hanging from a single leaf. The cocoon fought every strong wind that Mother Nature gave out. As time passed by, seasons changed. But the cocoon was stronger than it was before. I admired it very much.

Then the sun rose up once again. This time, it gave out a very attractive glow. Like it's giving me a new hope for a new day. I felt its warm embrace and the thought to try again. It smiled at me, I smiled at it too. I'm ready to face a new day. Then, from afar, I noticed the creature inside the cocoon slowly emerges. Slowly, her wings came out. The sun shared its glow upon the creature. She felt lively as she saw the morning light. Eventually, her metamorphosis was complete. She won't suffer anymore. All of her struggles are over, and she has to face another brand new start.

I came out of the house to meet the butterfly and welcome her to the world. Then she initiated her first ever flight. She was very beautiful. She was one with the wind, soaring high upon the clouds. Then all of a sudden, she landed very slowly on my shoulder. She stayed there for a minute and gave me a soft and hidden kiss. Then she flew once more, carefree and happy. Tears slowly fell from my eyes...

Someday, I know you'll come back to me. Just like that buttefly... Flying very happy and contented. The moment that that day comes, I'll promise that I'll give to you the happiness that you truly deserve... I won't hurt you again, and I promise that I will always be here, to share an umbrella and an embrace whenever you're feeling down. Someday... Someday. I know you'll be back. But until then, take care... I'll wait for you. I promise.

A Vision of a Broken Heart...

2007-07-26T03:02:00.000-07:00

Over those teary eyes, the remaining glimmer slowly loses it's spark...

She sat there quietly at the most secluded spot of the alley. Bringing with her those beautiful yet teary eyes. She sat there quietly as the cold winds cradled her. Tears fell down from her eyes like a waterfall bashing through the river floor. It never stops. Just like the glow on her life that slowly fades out.

She held his hand one last time. On that fateful night, the trees shed its leaves, just like her shedding those tears. He looked at her for one last time and told her to stop crying. He wiped her tears, smiled and then walked away. Away with another woman who held his hand very tightly. That night, she walked along the empty streets alone. With her head bowed down throughout the inner depths of the earth. She couldn't speak, couldn't breath and couldn't hear anything. For her heart was broken into pieces, just when it was starting to heal.

She looked at the heaven, asked God why. But all she could ever hear was her own mournings. She lost all the hope she had. For there was nowhere for her to go. But then she sat there at the alley as if waiting for someone to sit beside her and embrace all those sadness away. But then, she was hoping that he'll come back for her. To hold her hand once more. She sat there, waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. No matter how long, no matter the difficulties she's suffering right now. It doesn't matter. For all that she could ever think about is that, no matter how far the distance, their love would prevail in the end. So she waited some more. She looked at the moon and said to herself. "I wish that he is looking at the same moon as I am right now, maybe the moon could whisper to him all the feelings I have for him. I love you so much". She fainted, with blood flowing along the floor.

Instantly, your eyes captured me.

Lost in time and space, with you I'm free.

Over the stars I wished upon every night.

Venturing the unknown 'til I could find you again.

Enveloped with the grace of hope you gave to me.

Yearning for those sweet melodies again.

Overjoyed by the thoughts of you in my head.

Under the same sky, I know your not that far.

Behind the sadness, I'll still fight for our love.

Everlasting happiness that I promised, I'll give to you.

Bent down along the eyes of fate, I whispered.

I couldn't live without you.

Try to decode... Thanks Ada for the idea...

Kalinga ng buwan...

2007-07-23T02:39:00.000-07:00

Minsan tumingin ako sa buwan

hinanap ka kung saan saan

nanalangin, humiling sa bitwin

nawa'y damdami'y iyong mapansin

luha ang dumaloy saking mga mata

sa tuwing iniisip ang ating ala ala

na minsang dumating ka sa buhay ko

at lilisan din pala, ngayon lang napagtanto

binalot ng hangin ang yong mga salita

umiyak, naghinagpis sa bawat gunita

maibalik ka sa akin ang tanging hiling

ikaw ang makatabi hanggang sa paggising

kahit ang buwan ang ating sandigan

kahit pag ibig nati'y walang hanggan

ngunit pag ang pangako'y na sira na

tuluyan na lang palang mawawala...

Walang magawa sa buhey.. Walang ma ipost ng matino.. As usual, wala yan meaning.

A Dreamer's Lullaby...

2007-07-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

This time, it will be much longer...

The sun sets much faster since the day you left. I feel my life slowly fades out, joining the setting sun. Life as I knew it, has never been the same.

I stood here at the same place. The place where I met you. I could visualize it clearly, everything happened so fast that time. The sun sets very slowly as I was loving the magnificent view, then it all happened. A flash from the sun blinded my eyes. The cold winds gathered around me, carrying me up until I was knocked unconscious. By the time I woke up, you were in front of me, looking at me with those worried eyes as you whisper "Are you ok?!". I stood up, looked at her with pure curiosity, she looks very unfamiliar. It seems like she's not from around here. She looks different from all the other girls I've seen before. As if she only exists in my dreams. Those eyes, shining like the setting sun. Blinding like the light that knocked me out. They were beautiful, very beautiful.

She sat down beside me, we watched the slowly setting sun. She told me that she's not really from around here. She happened to pass by and saw me lying on the ground unconscious. Everytime she talks, I couldn't stop looking at those eyes. It always takes my breath away everytime our eyes meet. She was very beautiful, slowly, I'm falling for her.

I took her around town, showed her every wonders that the world could bring. Gave her the time of her life. I shouldn't waste the time she gave me. Every second counts. For I feel something very different. It feels like I'm slowly losing her. The night approaches fast. The moon shines its glory. I took her back from the start. From the place where we first met.

"Here we are again."

"Yeah. I thought you'll show me around?"

"Why bother? This is the most beautiful place in town."

"Really?"
"Yeah, in this place the sun sets, in this place life is very peaceful, and in this place, I met you."

*Smiles, blushes* "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."
"Would you catch me if I fall for you?"

"I'll catch you, and I won't let go."

"Really?.. What would you do If tomorrow, you'll wake up and you'll notice that I'm not by your side anymore?"

"Then I won't sleep, I'll watch over you until the day I die."

"I'm not promising that tomorrow, I'll still be around."
"Why? Tell me."

"I can't."

From that moment, she closed her eyes and fell into a deep slumber. I felt scared when I heard those words from her. I hugged her as tight as I can. This time I won't let go, I won't. The winds sang its tune on us. It made me feel very sleepy. Slowly, my eyes closed, I held her tightly just to be sure I won't lose her. I fell into a deep slumber.

The sun shone above me. I opened my eyes, blinded by the rays of the sun. My heart beated violently. I noticed that, she was gone. I shed a tear and realized that, maybe she's really only a dream. But why did it felt so real? I looked around and noticed a note lying beside me.

"I'm sorry for leaving without telling. I'm sorry but I guess, it's time to wake up from this slumber. It was being too good and I loved every second of it. Meeting you was the most precious thing that had happened to me. I wish I could sleep once more so I could be with you all over again. But beautiful things has its end. Remember that I will always love you. I'll surely miss you."

Maybe in time, I'll forget you. Maybe. But then I don't know how or when. But thinking that we're looking at the same sky, we're not really far away. I believe we'll meet again. Someday, somehow. I'll wait for you...

I woke up from a deep slumber. I looked at the calendar and noticed that it has been 3 days. I had a dream. It was a very beautiful experience. I want it to happen again. Maybe.. Just Maybe, if I sleep again, there would be a chance that my dream could continue. Maybe. I'll try. This time, It would be much longer. I might never wake up again. For I'd rather die sleeping and dreaming you are here than waking up every morning noticing that you're not real.

My one and only...

2007-07-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

Be Proud, be happy. It's your day..

Who am I talking about here? Hmm, let's see..

To my crying shoulder
To my sargeant at arms
To my bossing
To the family treasurer
To my sparring partner
To my partner in crime
To my little evil counterpart >:)
To my little angel
To my shooting star
To my best friend
To my middle-child-syndrome mate
To the one I love most
To my one and only
To my little Sis

Happy happy happy Birthday! As time passes by, always remember that through the years, responsibility takes place. Don't worry, I'll always be right by your side to support you all the way, especially sa chosen career mo! Keep on aiming high! Wag kang mag alala sa akin, kahit hindi na ko gumaling sa bowling. Ang mahalaga ikaw, dahil bata ka pa at mahaba haba pa ang panahon mo para mag ensayo. Sana sa susunod makita ka na namin sa TV, hawak isang malaking trophy at iwinawagayway ang bandila ng Pinas :). GoodLuck to you, keep on striking and Happy Birthday!

They say that if a guy courts a girl, the girl must make sure if he loves / respects his mother very much, for this is a basis if that guy truly knows how to respect a woman. If that's the case, is it also applicable to guys who loves their sister? Haha! Just a thought.

Bawal Suitors! >:)

Going Under...

2007-07-17T07:44:00.000-07:00

Just for once... For once...

Til' now I'm still losing my mind. This paranoia's getting worse and I really don't know how to cure it at this rate. I really hate being alone.

Maybe I'm bringing this up to myself. All this things happen because of me. It is all my fault. I'm being too much busy with bowling and stuff that I happen to neglect her sometimes, whenever I'm not busy, she's the one who is. I haven't really thought about it until now. I can feel it, it is all happening again.

As I did my nightly rounds around the blogosphere, I've noticed many things. Iba talaga. Nararamdaman ko na, na para bang unti unti akong lumulubog sa lupa dahil sa dami ng kanyang taga hanga. Marahil ay sa pag tagal, huhukayin na lamang ako sa lupa. Time really affects everything, nobody can stop it from going around. Marahil, nalalaos na nga ako. Maybe after sometime, I'll just be just a flick of dust in her big world.

I guess, jealousy has really taken over me. And pretty much soon, It will devour my consciousness. I'll promise, after this post, I'll give more time to her. Para hindi ako matabunan sa dumadagsang mga tagahanga.

Sorry for another drama post. It's just that I haven't been myself lately. I'll try to come up with another story or a decent post when everything would go back in place just like before.

Just for Once... I want someone who would be afraid of losing me... Someone who would say "Don't go away, I need you here". I'm missing you badly.

Stupid post.. I'm gonna delete this one anyway...

Jealousy has taken over me...

2007-07-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

Someday, my Paranoia will kill me...

Have you ever felt the feeling of being paranoid for a whole month? Like, asking the winds of fate whether she's ok or not? Everyday, every hour, every minute, every second, every moment you wonder what might have been if you two were in a same place at that time. God, I think I'm losing my mind!

Everyday, when you go to school, you're always wondering if she has woken up already and is ready to go to school.
Every recess and lunch you're wondering if she is eating properly or if she already ate something.
Every afternoon when you sit on the FX, worried about whether she's already on her way home or if she has an overtime at school.
Every minute, you're looking at her picture hoping to touch her face even for just a second.
Every second, you're always looking for that embrace that no one could ever replace. Those sweet embraces that only she could possibly give to you.
Every hour, you could only think about holding her hand as you pass by a series of couples walking along your path.
Everyday , you're always looking at that only picture you possess, imagining that it is alive and looking straight at your eyes too.
Everyday, wondering if you gave enough attention to her, or if you gave her too much that would make her feel over protected.
Everynight, as you go to bed. Wondering if you two are looking at the same moon.

I know I'm being too much paranoid. But then I guess that's how it is. Many of you know my not-so-good past so you can't blame me for feeling this way. I guess this is what they call "taking the risk". You're not in love if you can't take the risk. You're not in love if from the start, you are already giving up.

They say that trust is a must have factor if you truly love someone. If you ask me, yes, I trust her with all my heart. But then I don't trust him.

I guess, loving someone who's a hundred miles away from you is really very hard. It takes a lot of: Patience to understand the situation you to are in at. Trust knowing that you two love each other and no matter what the odds say, you two will not falter. And Honesty. Honest enough to let her know all the things you've been through all this time, honest enough to say aloud all you're feelings for that someone, and honest enough to let go of that person when you really don't feel anything at all.

You never stop loving someone, you just learn to live without them. I told you before and I'll tell you again. I love you too much to let go. Everyday I always fight the fear of thinking that one day, you'll leave my world, the fear of not having you around. I guess as time passed by, I developed that special kind of fear. I'm afraid to lose you.

Why does time fly by so fast? At that moment, you're still holding her hand, under the stars and the lovely glow of the moon. Then after one flick of the eye, the next thing you know, she's still sitting beside you but you notice that someone else is holding her hand too...

Back to back Champions... Almost!

2007-07-08T06:12:00.000-07:00

And the Crowd goes wild!

Two tournaments happened today. Yes, it was another tiring day for my sister and I. In the morning, the 7th SM Bowling Cup monthly finals took place, hmm.. Nothing much happened really, so let's not talk about it! Haha! (Mababa kasi scores ko XD) And yeah, my sister ranked 5th, and me? Well. I ranked 26th! Haha! (30 kami lahat).

Then, another tournament in the afternoon. Which was TBAM (Tenpin Bowling Association of Makati) monthly finals which took place at Powerbowl in Rockwell Powerplant, Team Prima's homecourt. Haha! This was again, my comeback in TBAM because I stopped playing there when I stepped into college.

After 2 games, I wasn't mentioned at the rankings, but my sister did. She was 1st on the Group B Ladies Division. I felt the "not interested" feeling again when I played the 3rd and 4th game. And I scored below my usual average. Bummer...

But something happened when the 5th game occured that I wasn't expecting. My name was called. "Chabs Coronacion on 5th place" (Group B Men's Division). And my sister was still leading on their division.

Yes, it pumped me up because it gave me the urge to try again. I still have the chance to rank. I threw my first ball and hit a strike. My parents cheered at the background XD. Then, I threw my second ball and scored an 8 and a spare. I bowed my head down with disappointment. Then, someone texted me. It was Jed telling me that UE won the game against UST. (Congrats Red Warriors BTW) When I was starting to input my reply, Kendall, Dyan's teammate and former Developmental Pool member noticed my cellphone's wallpaper. He asked me with curiosity.

"Kuya Chabs! Sino yan?". I told him "Ah eto? Friend ko.. :)". Then he smuged at me as he said "Inspiration mo?". "Ah.. Oo, inspiration ko". I just smiled at him as he was laughing at me. I looked back and noticed that it was my turn to roll the ball...

Guess what happened next.. :)

(sorry malabo, bulok cellphone ko.. Anyway. CC Means Chabs Coronacion. The scores are:

[X] [8/] [X] [X] [X] [X] [X] [X] [X] [XX8] = 278)

Well.. What can I say? I guess, she's my lucky charm.. :)

Oh yeah, I got 2nd. :) Not as good as "Champion" but then, I got a high game. This was my highest game yet :) Wheee! ^_^ And my sister was the champion on their division. ^_^

Nothing Much...

2007-07-07T06:55:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. Bagong layout. Sorry wala akong ma post lately, medyo busy ako with stuff and hindi gumagana ang creative juices ko.. Hehe

Ayon, bagong layout. Try ko naman blue ngaun. There's something about that header pic. Try to guess kung ano yun! It revolves around the 2 main characters :)

Thank you nga pala kay Kris for the 2 characters :P at sa lahat ng nag critic haha!

Siya nga pala.. May napansin ba kayo sa blog ko at sa bawat layout nito? Hehe.. Ipopost ko sa susunod ang detalye! ^_^ Ingat!

Tired of Loving?..

2007-06-26T05:46:00.000-07:00

Humampas ang hangin
Sa kinang ng salamin
Hindi na alam kung bakit
Sabay ng mga mata kong pumikit

Hindi na baleng masaktan ako
Basta't wag ka lang lalayo
Dahil baka di ko na kayanin
Pag ako'y iyong lisanin...

Sabihin mo sa aking mukha
Ikaw ba'y nagsasawa na?
Sa araw araw na pangugulit ko?
Sa araw araw na paglambing sayo?

Masama na ba ngayon
Ang mag hintay sa pagkakataon?
Masama na nga ba
Ang mag hintay sa iyo sinta?

Kaya't sabihin mo na
Kung nagsasawa ka na talaga
Para hindi na ko mag taka pa
Kung isang araw, iwan mo ko bigla...

I haven't done this for a while... So I appreciate if you guys will comment on this ^_^.. It has no hidden meaning, I just felt the urge to write a sad poem XD.. If you guys like this one, I'll promise there will be more of this pretty soon... ^_^

Food on the Table...

2007-06-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

It was fun while it lasted

The heat of the sun filled the empty room as I was gasping for a cool breeze... I remembered, my sister turned off the AirCondition and the Electric Fan was broken... I checked the time, it was already 12 in the afternoon. I stretched up and went down to eat my "breakfast".

The house was in a total mess when I came down, the "housemates" are always having their "spring cleaning" every sunday... But then they never managed to put the sofas and tables back in place. I went to the dining table and noticed that the food was already served... Somehow, I felt relieved...

But then I wasn't very happy with this kind of setup before. Our former housemate also serves the food on the dining table and we have to go there to eat it. This process was good because my family and I can eat together. Well, not really every time because my parents often comes home very late. But then, one day, I asked her If she can serve the food to me so I don't have to go to the table anymore (I'm such a lazy bum). He looked at me with those angry eyes. Probably like you see on YM with this smiley ":-". Oh, how I dreamt of having dinner in front of the pc...

Then one day, she left our house to go home to her province, and then came another housemate. This time, her modes are different. She now serves the food on US. We'll just tell her on what we want to eat then she serves it on us. My dream if finally coming true! No more going up and down to go to the dining table, no more distractions, no more stolen time on conferences and... No more together time with my family... Now that I think of it, I never thought of that before... I was having so much relief on the setup, I forgot the real meaning of having dinner on the dining table... It is the bonding with the family that counts right?..

Sometimes I got tired of the same setup every morning. Everytime I'm hungry and looks for food. And when the housemates are all in bed having their "siesta", there's no food served at the table. It was very frustrating because, I can't cook heavy meals. That was the time when I thought, enough is enough...

Then our housemate left our house saying "magbabakasyon muna ako". Then came another housemate. And as you can see, everything is back to normal... She serves the food on the table again... But then, the lazy bum inside of me misses the former setup... Well, everything is back to normal and I must say... It was fun while it lasted...

"Wait, I'm not finished with my food! Wait! Stop it! Don't clean it yet! Argh! Ateee!!"

Rolling for freedom...

2007-06-16T22:35:00.000-07:00

Filled with adrenaline, I walked down that Lane...

Gumising ako kanina ng tanghali na sabay tawag sa akin ng kapatid ko na nasa kwarto... Bakas pa sa aking mga mata ang pagka bagong gising... Unti unti kong tinanggal ang mutang iniwan ni sandman sa aking mga mata at tumungo na sa kwarto... Naroon siya't nanonood ng live telecast ng PBC Open na ginaganap sa Mall of Asia. Ang galing, dahil bihira kasing ipalabas ang Bowling sa telebisyon... Nakakapanibago lang...

Sa nasabing palabas ay nakita ang kagalingan ng isa sa mga myembro ng RP Bowling Team na si Liza Del Rosario. Na nag champion sa Ladies Division sa nasabing torneyo... Muli nyang itinaguyod ang bandila ng Pilipinas at syempre, ang kagalingan ng mga babae sa nasabing sport. Congratulations to Ms. Liza Del Rosario at sa mga kasali sa nasabing torneyo ^_^

Pumunta naman ako ng SM Fairview para sumali sa Mid Year Bowling tournament... Habang naglalaro ako, nakita ko na may tinuturuang mga kabataan ang aking coach dati. Natuwa naman ako dahil unti unti nang nakikilala ang bowling sa Pilipinas... Onting kadyot pa at kasing sikat na rin ito ng Basketball.. (Haha, asa naman) Habang pinapanood ko sila... Marami akong napagtanto. Nakita ko ang kapatid ko at ang sarili ko sa kalagayan ng mga kabataan na iyon. Tatlong taon na rin ang lumipas...

Nakahiligan namin ang bowling ng kapatid ko dahil lagi kami non naglalaro ng pamilya. Ang kapatid ko talaga ang nag enjoy sa isport na ito kaya naman sumali siya sa SM - Milo Summer Bowling Clinic sa SM Fairview. Di nagtagal, gumaling ang kapatid ko kaya naman binalak ko na ring sumabak sa sport na ito. Sumali ako sa mga weekend bowling clinics noon, naging coach ko si Coach Mon Camba. Magaling siyang coach at talagang marami akong natutunan sa kanya... Hanggang ngayon, humihingi pa rin ako ng tulong sa kanya every now and then...

Isang taon ang lumipas, medyo natigil ang mundo ko sa bowling. Sa kadahilanang lumipat ako ng paaralan sa probinsya... Pero ang kapatid ko, patuloy pa rin sa paglalaro nito. Habang nasa Infanta pa ako, bigla ko na lang nabalitaan na nasama na pala ang kapatid ko sa PBC-Youth Developmental pool. Malaking "break" na ito para sa kanya. Dahil na rin sa branch ito ng National Team, onti na lang magiging kasapi na siya nito. Syempre, nainggit naman ako... Gustong gusto ko nang maglaro noon, pero ano bang magagawa ko, isang taon pa akong maghihintay.

Matapos ang isang taon, muli akong bumalik sa mundo ng bowling. Pero ngayon, kolehiyo na ako. Mahirap na humabol. Muli nanaman akong nagpraktis, at sa kabutihang palad, hindi nabago ang dati kong tira. Pero napansin ko nga namang sobra na ang iginaling ng aking kapatid. Ngayong taon din ay sumasama na ako sa kapatid kong sumabak sa iba't ibang torneyo sa buong kamaynilaan.

August 2006, sumali kami ng kapatid ko sa Monthly tournament ng TBAM na iginanap sa Rockwell Powerplant Mall, Makati. Naging maganda ang "comeback" ko sa Asosasyong ito at ako ang hinirang na kampyon sa Class C Men's division. Ito ang una kong Champion sa buong "career" ko.

Di nagtagal, sa dala ng pagsisikap. May nag isponsor sa amin ng kapatid ko. Ang Ad-Style Signages and Marketing. Tinulungan nila kami upang makapag training ng libre at syempre binigyan nila kami ng mga bowling balls na hanggang ngayon ay ginagamit pa rin namin. Makalipas ang ilang buwan, nasama na din ako sa PBC Youth Developmental Pool. Sa wakas, dumating na ang "break" ko. Ngunit nahirapan ako na umattend sa mga training dahil na rin sa school.

Lumipas ang ilang buwan, nasama na ang kapatid ko sa Team Prima. Isa sa kilalang Team hindi lamang sa buong Pilipinas, pati narin sa buong Asya. Kabilang dito ang ilan sa mga myembro ng RP Team na sina Liza Del Rosario, Biboy Rivera, Paeng Nepomuceno at marami pang iba. Naging mapalad nanaman ang tadhana para sa aking kapatid. Nabalitaan ko rin na Iniimbitahan na rin siyang sumali sa Philippine Junior Bowlers na isa ring branch ng RP Team kung saan ang mga kabataan lamang ang mga kasapi. Ngunit ayaw nya dito dahil masaya na daw siya sa Developmental Pool.

Ako naman, halatang naiwanan na ng aking kapatid. Sadya nga namang ipinagpala siya sa isport na ito. Masaya naman ako para sa kanya.. Kung hindi man ako masama sa Team Prima or sa iba pa. At least, maipakita ko sa kanya na todo suporta ako. Sa ngayon, ang tanging gusto ko na lang ay ang manatili sa tabi nya upang lagi siyang may kasama sa paglalaro at pagpapraktis. Inaamin ko na hindi ako kagalingan, mahirap na ring humabol dahil matanda na ako... Ilang taon na lang ay hindi na ako kasali sa Youth Bowlers... Kaya naman siya na lang ang pag asa namin! Haha!

Nabalik na ako sa aking ulirat at naalala ko... Titira na nga pala ako... Ano oras na! Sandali lang! Sandali lang! Heto na ko!.. *Hawak ng bola, pwesto, lakad, batoooo* *Tugsh... Twaanng!!*

Congratulations to Ms. Liza Del Rosario for winning the PBC Open Women's Division and to Mr. Markwin Tee for placing 2nd on the Men's Division... Galingan nyo sa SEA Games! Make the Filipino people proud!

Like Kuya, Like Sister... Joke!

2007-06-12T00:35:00.000-07:00

No words can describe, on how much I'm proud of her...

Teeners sizzle in PBC bowling

YOUTHFUL Biboy Tajo and Dyan Coronacion showed up their elders to capture the men’s and ladies rookie masters titles in the 36th PBC-Boysen International Open Tenpin Bowling Championships at the SM Mall of Asia Bowling Centre.

Bowling way past their normal bedtimes, SLETBA-BX’s Tajo and TBAM-Prima’s Coronacion, both 13 years old, both pocketed their first major wins around 1 a.m. Monday after emerging with the best 10-game series tally in the finals.

Averaging 175 per game, Tajo scored 1,748 in bagging the men’s rookie masters championship and a cash prize of P20,000 in the tourney sponsored by Boysen, Amway, Philippine Sports Commission and the Department of Tourism.

PBA’s Paolo Darroca finished 35 pins behind (1,713) and settled for runnerup honors plus P10,000 while MBA-Pagcor’s Joer Atienza (1,701) placed third and got P5,000.

On the other hand, Coronacion, a Mater Carmeli School Novaliches high school sophomore, had a 1,741 aggregate in taking first in the ladies division and the P15,000 in the event also supported by Accel, the official RP team outfitter.

MTBA’s Tess Eusebio took second with a 1,689 output and P8,000 while PBAP-Bowlmart’s Anne Ramirez was in third spot at 1,646 and took home P4,000.

Sharing the spotlight was a young overseas bowler, Singapore’s Huo Jia Hui, who bowled the two-week tourney’s second perfect game of 300 before lunch yesterday.

Armed with a 14-pound Red Alert Edge ball, Hui, a 17-year-old high school student, did the feat on lanes 7 and 8 for her first 300 in an international competition.

Hui accomplished it in the team event in the company of teammates Katherine Wu and Gina Lim, who combined 1,182 and were running seventh in the category.

Well... Need I say more?.. My sister won in the PBC (Philippine Bowling Congress) Open Tournament on the Rookie division last Sunday, June 10, 2007 which was held at the SM Mall of Asia, SM Bay City, Philippines. The day after the Blogger's EB which was held last June 9, 2007! Haha!

Iwan na iwan na talaga ako ng kapatid ko langya! Mag seseryoso na nga ako sa bowling! haha! Next year ako naman :-> (asa pa me)

Article taken from People's Tonight June 12, 2007 issue.

Thank you Karla for editing the scanned picture above! ^_^

The Cure for the Common Hitch part 2...

2007-06-05T04:50:00.000-07:00

Slowly I stood up... I felt the pity of the people around me... I felt weak... I should've done anything when I knew I can... But then, I did nothing...

I wake up every morning, wondering what might have been... If only I did something... Anything... But then I guess I am too late... Too late... I guess, I won't see her again...

"If you two are meant for each other, time will surely find a way"

I walked along the busy street, reminisced the memories of when we first met... I can still see her right there, crying her heart out while looking at the hiding sun... A tear fell from my eye... It's been 3 months now, but I still couldn't stop thinking about her... I guess, God gave me this life... I guess my only purpose here is to make someone happy for the cost of my own happiness... It has always been this way, I should be used to it by now... But why?.. Why me?..

"Someday... Somehow... Destiny..."

I waited for her, at the same spot where I first took a glimpse of her... I've waited and waited, hoping for someone to lend me a crying shoulder... But, nobody came, nobody came... It's getting late but then I didn't mind it... I stood up, and went on my way...

"When will I see you again?.. How?.. What will you think of me now?.."

I walked again that busy street, staring blankly into space... I didn't mind everything that passed me by... Then suddenly it happened... Something that would change the whole me completely...

"Destiny... Destiny..."

I was walking alone when someone bumped at me...

"Oh, I'm so sorry Sir... I wasn't looking at my way..."

I know that voice... Suddenly it hit me... I slowly turned my head... Then cold winds approached us as the moonlight shines above us... It was her.. But then, I was too shy to even look at her... My ears were open but then my eyes were not looking at her... I'm too ashamed...

"It's ok... I'll go now... Take care..."

I marched on... As I left her alone on that busy street, tears flowed down my eyes...

"That's it?! After everything we've gone through, you'll just run away?!"

She shouted... I was motionless... Shocked... Embarassed...

"You know what, I broke up with him because of you... I went here as soon as I can, hoping that I could find you here... Well now, here you are... Then you'll just run away?.. You know what, forget about it.. I'm leaving..."

The people around me witnessed it... They looked at me with their pitiful eyes... Hoping that it could make me feel better... But then it came to me... This is my last chance... Here we are, so might as well do something... Last chance... last chance... It's never too late... Never too late!

"Never leave me.. Never... Let me die first before you say goodbye..."

As she walked steadfastly along that road... I ran towards her... I called out her name but then she never looked back at me... I shouldn't falter, this is my last chance... As I was getting closer to her... Time slowed down for a bit... The peopled around me was no longer visible. It was getting colder and colder as the fingers of the clock ticked its way...

"Don't ever leave me please?.. Because if you do.. I'll chase after you until you say I don't need you anymore"

She looked at me, I knew she felt that I was getting close to her... She stopped for a while... Looked at me with those sad, teary eyes... I came closer to her... And embraced her as if there was no tomorrow...

"This time, I won't let you go away... Iwon't leave you alone anymore... Please, give me another chance..."

"Promise?.."

"Promise..."

The Cure for the Common Hitch...

2007-06-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

The things I would do just to forget you...

Soft sounds of a fountain was the background music, gushes of the winds were their cradle, and only a candle lights their faces... Yes, it was a very beautiful evening for both of them, each of them sends of their messages through their passionate eyes... It was the night that the quiet young man promised...

I woke up one day... Still haunted by the past... Hopeless and weak, never knowing what to do... There at my bed, I sat still... With the warmth from the sun covering me, embracing all the hatred that was stuck inside my heart... For the first time, I was calm... Calm and ready to face another day...

Everywhere I look I always see lovers... Holding hands, whispering in each other's ear, laughing, kissing, hugging, and having a good time... I looked at them... Envious... They just smiled at me... As I raced my way unto the busy side walk... I closed my eyes for a bit, hoping for someone to bump at me... But I guess, that will never happen...

Slowly, I opened my eyes... The blinding light of the sunset flashed right in front of me... As things started to get clearer, I heard someone crying... There I saw her, watching the sunset as it hides beneath the horizon... Her long black hair embraces her body as the winds started to get colder... My heart was then, occupied by pity... From that moment, I couldn't control myself... I sat beside her... She looked at me with those beautiful eyes, overflowing with wasted tears...

"I know, I am a complete stranger... But you can cry on my shoulder..."

I said, as I shared a broken smile... She just shared a smile, and looked away... Right into the hiding sun...

"Ok, I guess you want to be alone... I'll go now... Take care..."

I stood up and walked again into the busy streets... Until...

"Wait... Please stay..."

Of course, I wouldn't leave her... I wouldn't leave someone crying alone on a crowded place... I sat again beside her... With that sad look upon her face... I couldn't help but to ask her what's wrong... She told me that she saw her boyfriend with an another girl... Kissing and laughing as if she wasn't there... It's been months but still, she couldn't cope up with it... It was hard for her to move on... Slowly, she rested her head on my shoulder, as I wiped her tears... I sign of relief was visible upon her hidden smiles... I couldn't blame her for crying, I know, with this, she will surely be stronger in the future...

She looked at me with pure happiness as she told me...

"Let's eat something, my treat"

"No no no, let me treat you tonight ok?"

Dissapointed, she agreed with a nod... I took her on a restaurant not far from here... The scenery was perfect... This night was truly the night of my dreams... But I knew, that this night will not last long...

"A candlelight dinner, how romantic"

She said, blushing... I knew, it won't last long... So might as well make this a night we won't forget... As the time flew by, her eyes seems to glow more and more brighter each second. She now smiles with ease. I can see by her eyes, she's now happy, contented.. Just the way I wanted her to be...

She then, sat next to me... Rested at my shoulder for a while, and held my hand.... I was blushing but I didn't gave her a chance to notice it... I looked at her with a smile as she played with my fingers...

"Why didn't I met you before?.."

"Maybe, God made this day for us to meet..."

"I wish I could turn back time..."
"Me too.. Me too..."

She cuddled right into my arms, with her head upon my chest... My heart started to beat faster and faster... I knew she felt it... But then suddenly... Her boyfriend came, rushing down on us... He punched me and left me stunned, as she took her away from me... She looked at me as tears fell from her eyes, she tried to reach me but then it was already too late... The darkness of the night, swallowed the two of them away... Out of sight... Tears and blood mixed as they dripped into my cheeks and right down to the ground... I couldn't move... I was too weak... Embarassed, ashamed... I didn't know what to do...

"What now?.. *sigh*"

-to be continued

Rants and Raves part 2...

2007-05-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

But they never gave me a chance to sing it to them... Kahit na pakinggan man lang kahit Chorus... Hay.. Di ko na alam kung ano pa dapat kong gawin, para lang ipakita sa kanilang lahat ng sinabi ko’y hindi ko sinasadya... Sobrang hirap na ko... My “Emotional Breakdown” ay nauwi sa Withdrawal... Hinayaan kong masaktan ang sarili ko dahil alam kong I deserve it... Sinigaw ko... Sinigaw ko with all my might... Iniyak ko ang lahat, dinaan sa gitara, dinaan sa kanta... Ng malabas ko na... Bumalik na sa dati ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko, ginanahan na ulit ako... Nakakangiti na ako... Pero di pa tapos...

Repentance...

Another day is coming... Kinakabahan ako... Para bang naghahabal ako sa bilis ng panahon... 14 days to go ‘til graduation... Di ko alam kung tatanggapin pa rin ba nila ako katulad ng dati... Katulad ng dati... Oh how I wish mabalik na sa dati ang lahat... Im not really good in saying sorry... Pero ganito na lang siguro ang masasabi ko...

“Masaya ako ng makilala ko kayo, di ako nagsisising lumipat ako dito, napakabait nyo sa kin, sana noon pa sinuklian ko na ang kabaitan niyo... Alam kong wala na ang tiwala niyo sa akin... Pero Im willing to do anything just to bring back the old days... Im willing to do everything... Karma ko na ito, at challenge na din... Kaya tinatanggap ko ito ng buong puso... Eto na ulit ako, sana makita niyo... Pasensya na kung nasaktan ko kayo, sa huli ako din ang talo... I don’t want to leave the school this way... I don’t want to have regrets when I leave Infanta... Naiintindihan ko ang side nyo, sana intindihin niyo din ang akin... Mahal na mahal ko kayo, at alam kong alam niyo iyon... Tinanggap ko na lahat ng bad comments at pinipilit kong gawin itong mabuti... Para na rin sa kapakanan ko... Please... Forgive me... Please... Give me another chance... Tutal paalis na din naman, Graduation gift niyo na sa akin... Pero, kung di ko na mabago isip niyo... Wala na akong magagawa... I did my best and this is it... I guess, the only thing that is left for me to do is wait... Im really sorry... From the bottom of my heart... I miss you guys... "

Well, after that... Naging maayos ang lahat... We talked things over and managed to have peace hehe... Pero, hindi rin naging masaya ang graduation ko... Pagktapos na pagkatapos ng ceremony, nag alisan na kaagad silang lahat na wala man lang paa-paalam... Hehe, yun ang napapala ko...

Rants and Raves...

2007-05-16T02:12:00.000-07:00

Since wala naman akong ma i-post... Ito na lang... Habang naghahalungkat ako ng files ko 2 years ago dito sa PC, eto nakuha ko... This happend before graduation nung Highschool... Sa mga incoming 4th year dyan, wag nyong hayaang mangyari sa inyo to! Madami pa kong nakitang stories dito, pero saka ko na lang ipopost... Medyo mahaba kaya sana'y may oras kayong nakalaan...

It All started…

Summer 2005…

Nag bakasyon ako sa Infanta, Quezon… Everything was different, since I last came here… madaming nagbago, madaming nasira, madami ding gumanda… Then I met this girl… kasama siya sa mga pagbabago, gumanda din siya, she was more beautiful than the last time I met her… Sarap ng feeling tuwing kasama ko siya… I don’t want this feeling to stop… So, nag sacrifice ako para lang dito, I left my school, I left my family just to be with her… Akala ko, maganda ang kalalabasan ng lahat… Pero, sabi nga, “madaming namamatay sa maling akala…”

Start of another school year... this time, it’s different… Different school, different people, and different environment… Di ako sanay... Lahat bago... Sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi lang dapat siya ang makilala ko, madami akong makakasalamuha dito sa bagong school ko, hindi lang siya... Tinulungan niya ko to know other people, tinulungan niya akong makisalamuha sa mga taong, bago lang sa paningin ko... Tinuruan niya akong mabuhay sa Infanta... Then, she introduced me to this girl, classmate ko siya, pero di ko siya pinapansin dahil nahihiya pa ako... First impression? Hmmm, let’s see. She’s very pretty.. Yun lang talaga ang pumasok sa isip ko... She’s very pretty... as in... sabi nga, “GANDAAH!”. Napalapit ako sa girl na to... Hindi ko na lang namalayan, Im falling in love with her... I feel inspired once again... Madami akong nagawang tula, songs, and stories dahil dito... Pero, just when Im starting to court her, binasted na niya agad ako, ang consolation prize ko? Na-ilang siya sa akin! Grabe... Matagal-tagal din niya akong ini-snob... Wala na akong ka close... nawalan na ako ng ka love team...

Pero, di nagtagal, nagkaayos din kami... Pinapansin na niya ako ulit, tulad na ng dati... She never knew how happy I am... Grabe... Pinangarap kong tuloy-tuloy na ito... Pero, hanggang pangarap lang pala ang lahat...

Malapit na matapos ang school year, 4th quarter na... Ang bilis ng mga pangyayari... Pero i’ve never thought it will end this way... Remember the first girl? The reason why I studied in Infanta? Nagsawa na akong maghabol sa kanya... I don’t want history to repeat itself, baka magaya nanaman sa dati, yung mga panahong pinipilit ko ang sarili ko sa taong di naman ako kayang mahalin... I said my final words to her, sinabi ko na malaya na siya mula sa akin... Na di ko na siya gagambalain... Di naman nawala ang closeness namin... Mas lalo pa kaming napalapit sa isa’t isa... Lagi akong nakangiti kapag kasama siya... Pero, balat-kayo lang ang lahat... Sa loob ko, nawalan na ako ng gana sa buhay ko... Nawalan na ako ng ganang gawin ang mga lahat ng bagay... Nawalan na talaga ako ng gana... Gusto kong ilabas ang lahat... Lahat ng nararamdaman ko... Pero, tumagal pa bago ito mangyari... Exams na... Exams na!!! Pero di pa ako nakakamove on... Nahirapan ako... The last quarter was very though for me... Sa inaasahang pagkakataon... Naapektuhan ang studies ko, naapektuhan ang performance ko... Pati ang ugali ko naapektuhan... It’s hard for me to cope up sa mga pangyayari... Tulad ng sinabi ko, madaming nagbabago... Di ko akalaing kasama pala ako doon...

Histrionics, Rage, Ravages and Exculpation
My last few days in High School

It’s a different story from know on...
First few weeks of March 2006

Madaming nagbago... Pati ang tingin ng classmates ko sa akin, nag iba... Hanggang ngayon, nagpapaapekto parin ako sa mga emotions ko... Dahil dito, lagi akong badtrip, lagi akong wala sa mood... Emotional Breakdown kung tawagin ko... Di ko na matago ang mga hinanakit ko... Sa paraang ito, unti-unti kong nailalabas ang mga nararamdman ko. Pero, di ko na lang alam, madami na pala akong nasasaktan sa prosesong ito... Habang napapalapit na ang araw ng aming paghiwa-hiwalay, lalo lang lumalala... Kahit na napapansin ko na ang mga pagbabagong ito, di ko pa rin ito nabago... Di ko pa rin tinama ang mga mali ko... Dahil, habang ginagawa ko ang mga ito, lalo lang gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko, wala sa isip ko na mawawala pala ang tiwala ng mga friends ko, ang mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko ng buong buhay ko in the process...

Words reached me soon after... Madami na palang galit sa akin, madami nang nakakapansin sa mga pagbabago ko... Pero, nasaktan ako dahil sa iba ko pa nalaman, I felt betrayed, para akong tangang nag astang siga sa classroom... Not knowing na gusto na pala nila akong kausapin tungkol dito... By this time, di ko na nakayanan... Ang “Emotional Breakdown” ko ay lalong lumala... I felt crying pero di ko magawa...Then, I talked to them para mapatunayan ko sa sarili ko na mali na pala talaga ako... I told them I’m Sorry pero, di ko naiwasang makapagsabi ng mga masasakit na salita... Haay! Nagpadala nanaman ako sa Emotions ko... Just when I thought, everything was going well, lalo pa itong lumala... Lalo pang nagalit sa akin ang taong mahalaga sa buhay ko... Bakit siya pa... Bakit... I’m trying to say my apologies pero di nila ako binigyan ng chance para ma linis ang pangalan ko... I’m not really good in telling my emotions head on lalo na kung sorry ito... So dinaan ko na lang sa kanta... I made this song for them...

I’m Sorry

Sitting in the dark
Whispering your name
Looking at the distance
It’s never been the same

Speaking the words
Hidden from the heart
I’m still waiting here
To get back from the start

* Loneliness has passed my way
Hidden words I need to say
My heart has been so weary
But all I need to say is I’m Sorry…

-To Be Continued

Our Last Dance...

2007-05-01T04:23:00.000-07:00

Is this the beginning of our last dance?

The room felt the intensity when the two of them met at the center. The lights shone more lively than ever before. Everyone was excited to see those two to dance together once again...

On the dance floor, I am invincible. Nobody can stop me from dancing; nobody can stop me from expressing myself... They say that I dance with passion, I dance with life, I dance with energy... But they were all wrong... Inside, I wasn't really dancing at all... My body moves but never did my heart... Something's missing... And I didn't know what that was 'til that faithful day came...

I went to the park to get some fresh air, and to release all the pressure I had. It was fall that time, cold winds struck my skin but then I went on... This is all I needed... Then I heard music coming from under a tree not that far from here. I followed the beautiful music until I arrived at this large tree. My heart pumped harder than before, I wasn't sure what I felt back then... I couldn't stop looking at her as she danced her way around that spot... She was very graceful, like angels from heaven carried her around. I couldn't stop looking at her. Until she fell down on her feet when a rock blocked the dance floor.

I immediately ran out of hiding to help her out. She was really hurt that time, but then she smiled when I helped her out... "Thank you" she said politely... I sat beside her under the tree... My heart felt like it wants to jump out of my ribcage... I let out a hidden smile... But then it was really noticable because my face was turning red... She giggled quietly...

We got to know each other more under that tree... She was also a dancer, but she was more used on dancing with a partner... I felt disappointed because I'm more of a soloist type... She told me that her partner went abroad to start a new career. "I'm not really good in dancing with a partner, but if you want, I can be your dancing partner?" I told her... She smiled with a relief saying "Really? That would be great! Thank you!" and gave me a sweet hug...

Everyday she goes to the studio to practice with me... Every move, every step was very graceful and effortless for her, I learned from her... She taught me every step of the way, she changed the way I dance in this life... She changed everything to me... I was more happy than ever... And the people saw it too. Even the critics liked me now. I was very happy that I met her... Then as time passed by... The people saw our efforts and wanted us to dance on a town celebration... Of course we accepted the proposal...

There was silence all over the room when we first stepped in. The world was ours, and time was on our side... We danced the night away with grace and passion... All that time, I was smiling... Knowing that I was holding her hand all night... She was smiling as I was too... I was very happy, but then I didn't know that she wasn't...

After the performance, her face was full of sadness, the silence she expressed was deafening... I couldn't help it, I asked her why... "I miss my partner" she told me... I looked at the stars that time and realized... "I can never replace someone like him..." I left her alone for a while to think about everything... What is this I'm feeling?.. Am I... Jealous?... I left the room with a swipe to my falling tear...

The next day, she left a note... She thanked me for everything I've done for her... She told me that she was very happy that she met me in the process. But then she wanted to be left alone for now... She didn't wrote why... I felt alone... Now, everything seems pointless... I couldn't feel the passion anymore... I couldn't feel the every beat that the music made... I... I... I miss her... The people became more aware of my situation... Just like that, I lost some fans and gained more critics... I lost everything... "Oh God... Take away everthing.. But please, make her come back to me..."

I stood under the tree where we first met... Everything changed since I last went here... Everything seems too dull now... I missed her more and more...

Then from a distance, a soft music played on the background... Tears fell from my eyes as I looked back... I saw her standing there... Smiling at me... I smiled and greeted her... "I thought about everything... It's true, you can never replace him... But you are far better than him... I missed you so much..." My heart was beating faster than ever... As if it was dancing through every note of the background music... "Can we have another dance together?" she asked... I held her hand as she placed her hand on my shoulder... As I told her...

"Anytime my love..."

Once around the floor can we do it again?... I love you...

An Actor, A mime, Six Feet Under...

2007-04-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

You came, you saw, you conquered...

Ininda ko lahat ng pagsubok, tiniis ang lahat ng sakit, kinalimutan ang masaklap na nakaraan... Pero bakit ganon, simpleng ikaw lang.. Hindi ko na napigilan... Naging mababaw na ang pagtulo ng luha sa aking mga mata... Ito ba ay sanhi ng sugat na natamo ko sa aking nakaraan? O ito ba ay dahil sa... Totoo ngang nahuhulog na ako sa iyo...

Nakilala kita sa mundo ng 'Virtual Reality', ni hindi ko nga inakala noon na magiging malapit ako sa iyo at ikaw rin sa akin... Hanggang sa pag tagal, hindi na napigilan ang nararamdaman ko... Ako nga talaga'y nahuhulog na sa iyo... Kahit na, hindi pa tayo nagkikita...

Ginawa ko ang lahat para mapasaya ka, ginawa ko ang lahat para maging karapat dapat ako sa pag ibig mo... Ginawa ko ang lahat para hindi na maulit muli ang mapait na nakaraan na napagdaanan ko... Ngunit hindi pa pala sapat ang lahat na naibigay ko... Kulang pa... Pero ano iyon? San ba ako nagkulang...

"History repeats itself" ika nga nila... Ang mundo ay paikot ikot lang, hindi ito tumitigil... Marahil ay mangyari ulit ang mga nangyari na sa nakaraan... Pero hindi ko inakala na magiging ganito kaaga ang aking karma... Hindi ko inasahaan na pati ikaw ay mawawala...

Simula nang dumating siya, nag iba na ang trato mo sa akin... May mga panahon na sinusungitan mo ako, may panahon na hindi ka man lang namamansin... Marahil nga hindi ko naibigay sa iyo ang atensyon na dapat kong naibigay noon pa man... Ako rin ang may kasalanan ng lahat... Ako mismo ang nagdulot nito sa aking sarili... Alam ko, ako talaga ang mali... Hindi kita masisisi kung hindi ka na masaya sa piling ng isang hamak na tulad ko...

Pinairal ko ang aking pagiging aktor, arte lang lahat ng emosyon na naipapakita ko sa entablado... Peke ang bawat ngiti at bawat galak... Nakatago sa isang maskarang hindi na muli pang matatanggal... Sa bawat ngiti ay higit ang totoong paghihinagpis na nararamdaman... Sa bawat tawa ay nagwawala na ang aking damdamin... Tila gusto na talaga nitong lumabas sa aking dibdib upang masabi sa iyo ang tunay na nadarama...

Pero, tulad nga ng sinabi mo... Huli na ang lahat... Huli na pala ako... Ni hindi ko man lang naramdaman na nasa isang laban na pala ako... Walang kamalay malay na sinaksak na ako sa likuran... Huli na ang lahat... Hindi na muling mababago ang nakaraang nakalipas na... Hindi na mababago ang nasabi na... Hindi na... Hindi na pala...

Lumuhod ako sa tabi ng altar. Nakatingala sa kalawakan.. Tanging dasal sa maykapal na bigyan nya ako muli ng isa pang pagkakataon, isang pang panahon na muling mapalapit sa iyo... Babaguhin ko ang nakaraang lumipas na... Babaguhin ko ang buhay na nakagisnan ko na... Hindi na ako muli magpapa api... Hindi na ako muling magiging mahina... Gagawin ko ang lahat para sa iyo... Gagawin ko ang lahat para hindi ka mawala sa buhay ko... Gagawin ko ang lahat... Parang awa mo na, wag kang umalis sa buhay ko... Mahal kita, iyon talaga ang totoo... Mahal kita... Mahal kita...

Umupo ako sa tabi ng mga bulaklak sa isang malawak na hardin... Hawak ang isang patalim sa kanan kamay, at isa namang sulat sa kaliwang kamay... Handa na akong bumalik sa panahon o Diyos ko... Buhayin mo muli ako, sa panahong masaya pa kami sa piling ng isa't isa... Bigyan mo ng lakas ang aking punyal, para hindi mawala ang talas nito... Isaksak sa aking puso ang pagmamahal na matagal ko nang hinahangad... Parang awa mo na po, ibalik mo siya sa akin...

Humiga sa duyan ng kalawakan, tanging sinisigaw...

"Diyos ko, ibalik mo sa akin ang buhay ko... Mawala na ang lahat sa akin, wag lang po siya... Diyos ko, Diyos ko... Ibalik mo sa akin ang buhay ko..."

The Endless Whisper of the Night...

2007-03-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

I tried to look for you... But...

Sweat covered my whole body as I woke up in my room, even though my aircon is on... I was exhausted, inhaled every air I could ever breath... Yes, I had a very scary dream... No, not a dream involving ghosts or something like that... A dream... I dreamt of her...

I had a very close friend... A friend whom I would never forget in my entire life... A friend who changed my wholeself into a better person... I fell inlove with her 2 years ago... She was the reason why I studied in our province at the first place... Because, I wanted to be with her... I wanted to be close to her as much as possible... I wanted to see her everytime the sun rises... That is all I ever wanted... But then, I wasn't lucky enough to have her... I knew she was too good to be true... She will never feel the same as I do...

The Dream...
I was watching the television when my cellphone beeped... I was surprised, because one of my Highschool friend texted me... He told me of a shocking story...

"Gusto ko sanang sabihin sayo ng personal, pero hindi naman kita nakakasama lagi, kaya dito na lang... Alam mo bang wala na si *Insert name here*? Matagal na, ilang buwan na rin..."
I was stunned by what I have read... But then I didn't budged that easily... I didn't want to believe his story... I want to find out for myself... Just to be sure, I went online, Immediately logged in into my friendster account... And saw a BIG change in my profile... When I say, BIG I really meant it... Everything changed... But that wasn't important... I could change that later...

I recieved another message from a Highschool friend... She told me a joke... A joke that wasn't even funny... A joke that made me cry...

"Uuuy, ang sweet naman niya... Lam mo ba, nakasulat sa tombstone nya regards to my very special friend, sana palakpakan ninyo siya when he become famous... Alam nyo naman kung gano siya kahalaga sakin..."

From that moment on, I cried... But I still didn't want to believe... I cried out onto the heavens... A shout that could be heard from all over the world...

Why did you leave me all alone here?... Please Come Back...

I woke up and realized, it was only a dream... But it didn't felt like a dream... It was like, everything really happened... I cried out loud, and immediately prayed to God... I looked at my cellphone to check the time... It was 2:45 in the morning... I tried to sleep but I wasn't able to... So I went out to open the computer... I knew that in this hour of morning, I can't really talk to anyone... But then, here's my blog, waiting for me... Immediately I've written what I have dreamt... It is now 3:46 am...

Maybe I just missed her too much... Maybe, I still feel the same way as 2 years ago... Maybe... But I'm not really sure... I hope everything is all right...

If you're reading this... I want to see you, as soon as possible... If you're not doing anything... Wala lang... I just want to hug you... And tell you how much I really miss you all this time...

I want to be on the stage with you again... It was the most memorable experience of my life... My first play on the stage, with you...

I miss you na prinsesa ko, akala ko ba habang buhay tayong magiging magkaibigan? Kokak! Wag mo akong iiwan ah? Nag promise ka... Kokak!

I just hope, everything that I have dreamt will not come true... Only God knows how much you meant to me...

United Melody...

2007-02-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

We conquered the hearts of the many...

This week, we'll be celebrating the I.T. Week in UE, that means, more activities for the CCSS (Computer Studies and Systems) Students... No classes, pure fun...

Many contests were established by the COMSSO organization, one of them is the "Unplugged 2k7" battle of the Acoustic bands... And some conditions were also posted by most of the CCSS professors that whenever you join in one of the activities, there will be an additional grade for the final term... When we heard of the news, my band and I immediately joined in Unplugged...

Kanina, nag practice kami for the upcoming activity, pumunta sa bahay namin yung mga kabanda ko to practice... Thinking of a song was the most hardest part of the practice, since there were many songs to choose from. And also, it is not really the genre of our band because, we play rock and some emo songs... Luckily, I have a background in Acoustic contests, since I started playing in an Acoustic band (AMIS).

Eventually we decided to cover one of Tamia's song, "Officially Missing you". I know, you guys know this song... Sino bang hindi?. And another one is Natalie Imburglia's "Torn"... The practice lasted for 2 hrs. We had fun, and most important, we practiced our piece perfectly... We were confident that we could do this thing... But we can't be sure right? So I need your prayers guys... :)

After the practice, we recorded our song, so our Lead Guitarist would not forget the "Adlib" he made... But something happened when he played the instrumental part... Hindi talaga iyon yung adlib na nagawa niya nung nag pa-practice kami, so it ended up to be an "on the spot" adlib... hehe... You'll be the judge :)

powered by ODEOOfficially Missing You - Pseudonym(Not yet the final band name)

sorry medyo sintunado ung gitara :P comments are gladly appreciated...If you guys have other suggestions / comments with the song, pakilagay na lang sa comment :) and kung may suggestion pa kayong mga acoustic na songs na pwede naming i-cover, please do tell! Thanks in advance! Enjoy :)

On how she took my heart again...

2007-02-18T03:20:00.000-08:00

Those were the same stars...

Holding out a flower on one hand, and a guitar on another, I sat at the thick green grass waiting for the 7:00 alarm to ring... I just knew that something would happen on that day... Something I'd never expect to happen...

'Twas a sunny afternoon, me and my batchmates were going home... Home to the freshest air; home to where good things happened; home to where our hearts met and where we grew up... Yes, we went to Infanta... Most of us, (and me) weren't expecting a quick homecoming that weekend. But an event made us come home... One of our batchmate celebrated her 18th Birthday, so we have to attend her debut party...

We arrived at about 5:00pm, 2 hrs early for the party... I was feeling nervous that time, since I still didn't have something to perform for the party... The debutante's mother asked me If I can play something for the party... I still have 2 hrs to think, that was the time I needed...

On the other hand, I held a flower... A beautiful yellow rose, covered with plastic and layered with a newspaper. Looking at it closely, I saw her... I'm supposed to give it to her last valentines day, but then I didn't have the chance to go home... But then again I thought what if she's not there? She told me that she's going to Manila to take entrance exams on Universities and Colleges... So I'm not quite sure that day if I could give them to her personally... I left out a quick sigh as I went to my room to change for the party...

Time ticked so fast, still I wasn't able to come up with a song to play at my friend's party. I went out of the room noticing that it was already dark outside... I looked at the night sky noticing the same stars as before...

Those were the same stars... The same stars that you and I once looked at... The same stars where we left our wishes and dreams as we count them as they fall down... Those where the stars that blanketed us unto the everlasting veil of the universe... Those where the same stars... The witness to where I confessed my love to you...

I smiled and remembered that I left here my feelings for her... That was the place where I cried while whispering her name; the place where I spoke the last "I love you" I would ever tell her... But then every time I come home... I always felt that she was always there, waiting for me... Waiting for me to continue our story... The story that I finished a long time ago... I looked at the stars again, noticing that the stars were then covered with dark clouds... The place turned dark again... I closed my eyes with a sigh, and then went to the car to go on ahead...

We arrived at the Venue; I left my guitar and the flowers at the car... Although there were not a lot of people around, the place was bright and lively... Slowly, we entered the building, looking around, noticing the people around were the debutante's relatives... We took our seat at the most secluded spot... There at the corner we sat, waiting for the building to fill up with guests... As my eyes started wandering, I noticed someone... Sitting there near the window, with her family around her... Yes it was her... My heart started to beat so loudly...

Her brother then came to me... And asked me if I had already thought of a song to play... When I told her the updates, he immediately helped me to think of one... Eventually, we came up with a song... But then, he didn't know how to play that song... So he asked her sister to play it for him...

When it was already the time for us to play our part, we went to the stage... The singer started saying the lyrics of the song... As I played the "Cajon" I couldn't stop looking at her... Good at playing the guitar as ever... Oh how I missed those times where we were once like this... Playing together on-stage and off the stage... Somehow, I felt happy...

After the presentation, we went again to our seats at the corner of the room... There with my other batchmates we sang out songs that reminded us of what we were when we were in Highschool... And also, songs on how she took my heart before...

She then started playing a familiar song... The song that we played together before we were apart... I smiled as she was too... She gave me the guitar and told me to continue... It was the only song that we finished playing that night... My heart started to beat more loudly than before as I noticed she was looking at me... My face turned red, and suddenly I went out to have some fresh air...

I took out the flowers, and then texted her to come out of the building... As I waited for her anxiously amidst the cold winds of the night... I felt nervous... But then again I thought that It was now or never... I must do it now or else it will be too late...

She came out with that curious look upon her face... "Pasok na tayo sa loob" she whispered... I smiled and revealed my late valentine gift for her... She paused for a while... I really didn't know what she felt back there... But she was speechless... Then she smiled, held my hand, and pulled me to go inside... She was quiet the whole time, picking out the petals and giving it a quick sniff...

As we sat on that spot again, she went to pick up the guitar and started playing an unfamiliar song... As she was singing those sweet melodies, I smiled, listened closely and I remembered... That was the song she promised to sing to me... The song she made for me... The song that I didn't had the chance to hear... I looked at her, and noticed that she was also looking at me... My face turned red and noticed that she was too... That was the most beautiful song I have ever heard...

I looked at the stars once again when I came home... The dark clouds were now gone and everything was clear... The same stars came out once again... Shining its glory upon my wounded heart as if they were healing it... Then my cellphone lit up... I read the message... It was from her... "Thank You"...

I closed my eyes for a while... And said to myself...

"I'm ready to fall in love once more..."

My 100th post :)

Regret, Faith, Love...

2007-01-12T01:51:00.000-08:00

Naaasar ako sa sarili ko... Hinayaan ko noon ang sarili kong magpa apekto sa nararamdaman ko... Pero tulad nga ng sinabi ng iba... Nangyari na ang nangyari... Anyhoo...

Kilala nyo ba ang bandang Moonstar 88? Sino ba namang hindi? Sila ngayon ang nagpasikat sa kanta ng Apo Hiking Society na "Panalangin". Pero hindi ang BAGONG Moonstar 88 ang tinutukoy ko... Oo, iyon ang panahon na senti mode pa ang buong Pilipinas dahil sa mga napasikat nilang kanta... Isa na dito ang walang kamatayang "Torete"... Ang "highschool theme" na kanta na "Sulat"... At ang heavenly song na "Sa Langit"... Naaalala nyo po ba ang boses ng dati nilang bokalista na si Acel Bisa? Marahil sa mga Moonstar 88 Fans diyan, na miss niyo ang boses niya... Bawat kanta nila, ramdam mo ang mensahing ipinaparating... Ilang buwan din akong na LSS sa iba nilang kanta... Dahil na rin dito, ginanahan akong mag aral ng musika... Sila ang naging inspirasyon ko sa pag tugtog... Marami akong composition na katunog ng mga kanta nila... At ang istilo ko ng pag tugtog ay parang sa kanila... Kaya naman sobrang na disappoint ako nang bigla na lang silang naglaho sa mundo ng OPM noong nakaraang dalawa o tatlong taon... Nag asawa ang kanilang vocalist kaya medyo hindi muna siguro naasikaso ang banda...

Pero nagalak naman ako nang tignan ko ang aking E-Mail... May nagsend sa akin na balik na raw sa music scene si Acel... Although matagal ko nang nabalitaan ito, ngayon ko lang narinig ang isa sa kanyang mga kanta... Isa nga pala ito sa mga kanta nila... Although back up vocals lang siya dito... Masaya parin naman akong narinig ko muli ang boses ng iniidolo kong bokalista...

Oo nga pala... Yung bokalista ng bandang GISH ngayon, ay dating drummer ng Moonstar 88... If you guys were wondering... Enjoy niyo ang Video at ang kanta.. ^_^

Buong Linggo by Gish ft. Acel Bisa

Despair, Repentance, Forgiveness, Happiness...

2007-01-06T01:44:00.000-08:00

I know that one day... I'll be free...

Despair... Yes... That was the most likely word to describe in what was happening to me these past few weeks... I needed to be alone, I needed to think about things that happened... I needed to make sure that I am now awake... From this dream that I kept on wishing I'm living on... Too much drama, too much tears had fallen... But that wasn't enough... I had a whole year wasted just because of that stupid feeling... So here I am again, back to where I started... I know, I'm stronger now than when I was before...

Repentance... Maybe, this was my karma... Maybe God planned the whole thing all along... But still... Thanks to him, I learned... He is the most greatest teacher after all... I'll stop this stupid nonsense, and go back to my life... I have friends! That's more than enough... Thanks Guys!

Forgiveness... Even thou we haven't talked about the "problem"... I understood her... Yes, I know how hard it is to fall in love to a guy who's a hundred kilometers or even miles away from you... Maybe she just needed to find that attention she really deserves... That attention that I wasn't able to give to her... And I know she found that to her special someone right now... I'm happy for both of you... But to the guy, please take care of her... I forgave her... Yes... Forgive, but never forget...

Happiness... I've been busy these past few days... 'twas another reason why I wasn't able to blog for sometime... Our Theater Group SI-KAT is going to celebrate its 10th year anniversary... It will be a huge celebration, and of course, we are going to have a show... I'll tell you guys the details soon... And my passion for music came back to me once again... Although I haven't able to make a new song because of my busy schedule... About our career... I made it into the National Developmental Training Pool... Just like my sister... Next stop... The national team... Hmmm Maybe 5 years more!

I had the time that I needed... I had the enough time to be alone... And now, I guess... I'm ready to move on... I'm ready to face new challenges... I'm ready for all the barricades that this year could throw at me... I'm ready to write another chapter of my life... I'm ready to open my heart once more... I'm ready to fall in love again...

Thank you to all of you... For making me feel better... I owe you guys big time! Thank you to my "bebi" for being there for me, for wasting time to listen to my dramas, for sharing a hand to hold on to, a shoulder to cry on, and the friendship... Even thou we haven't really met in person... I hope that one day, I'll be able to see her and thank her personally... Maybe this year... Maybe next month... Who knows? :D

And oh, by the way! Thanks to Isaiah, for waking me up! Thanks for bringing me back here into the blogosphere! I missed you guys!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Christmas Break...

2006-12-24T09:12:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want to greet everyone

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Yes, I'm still in the period of hiatus... I guess I'm not yet ready to come back... Maybe next year, I promise... I miss all of you here in the blogosphere... I really want to come back, pero wala pa rin ang inspirasyon sa aking puso... Wala pa rin akong ganang magsulat ng kung ano-ano... Hinahanap ko pa ang kulang sa aking buhay, at the same time, sinusubukan kong bumangon muli... Hinihintay ang muling pagsikat ng araw... Pero mukhang malabo nang makita ko muli ang liwanag... Hehe.. Ano ba yan! Paskong pasko, madrama pa rin ako! Anyhoo.. Enjoy the Christmas break you guys! muli, Have a Very Merry Christmas to you All!!! Talk to you guys soon! Take Care!

The Minstrel's Magic...

2006-11-28T23:19:00.000-08:00

Remember from my last posts? I included songs that are original compositions of mine? Well, some bloggers asked me on how to do stuff like that... Since, wala naman akong ma ipost ngayon... I will try my best to give some pointers and tips... Heto na... Para to kay Edgar...

Things here are not really what song writers do... So, nasa sainyo pa rin kung susundin niyo o hindi... Ito lang ang mga bagay na ginagawa ko tuwing gagawa ako ng kanta...

Ang una...

Be sure to have your topic... Mag-isip kayo ng isang topic na gusto niyong kalalabasan ng kantang gagawin niyo... Pwede itong maging kanta para sa inyong minamahal, o pang harana ika nga... Pwede naman itong emoness at walang kamatayang suicide... Pwede rin itong tungkol sa barkada... Ikaw ang bahala, ilabas mo ang laman ng iyong puso't damdamin...

Ang pangalawa...

Gumawa ng isang tula... Oo, tula... Hindi naman kailangang tula siyang formal... Hindi kailangan ng tugma at bilang ng pantig... (Pero, mas maganda ang kalalabasan kung may tugma siya) Siyempre, kailangan in relevance siya doon sa topic na naisip mo...

Exempli Gratia:

Lumilipad ang aking puso

Abot sa dulo ng mundo

Sana'y marinig mo

Totoo lahat ito..

Ayan, may isang "verse" ka na... Well, depende sa iyo kung ilang stanza ang gusto mo... Basta ba, iisipin mo rin, yung oras na maaaring kainin niya kung masyadong maraming stanza... Pwera na lang kung gagawin mong rap tulad ng kay Gloc-9...

Ang pangatlo...

Ngayong natapos mo na ang tula... Hatiin mo na ito... Isiping mabuti kung anong gagawin mong Verse 1, verse 2, verse 3, pre chorus (although hindi naman ito everytime na kailangan), at chorus... Basta pakatandaan na ang chorus ay dapat may dating at magandang pakinggan kung uulit-ulitin... Matapos mong gawin iyan... Humanda na sa pinakamahirap na istep...

Ang pang-apat...

Ang pag lapat ng tono... Una sa lahat, isipin muna kung anong klaseng genre ba ang gusto mong gamitin... Pwedeng rock, emo, senti, acoustic, reggae, bossa nova... Nasa sa iyo ang desisyon... Kung ako ang tatanungin, mas sanay akong gumamit ng mga kantang acoustic, senti at reggae... Mas madaling gumawa at ramdam ang emosyon... May dalawang klaseng pag lapat ang maaaring gamitin... Pwedeng music muna... Pwedeng tono muna... Explain nating mabuti...

Pwedeng music muna... Pano gawin ito? Una, kumuha ng gitara o piano o ano mang instrumentong nais ninyo... (Paunawa, ito ang ginagawa ko...) Mag isip muna ng chord pattern, syempre, dapat tugma ito sa genre na pinili ninyo... Kayo na bahala kung gusto niyo ng strumming o plucking... Example ay ang walang kamatayang "G-Em-C-D" na chord pattern... Na chords din ng Hawak Kamay, Sampip at iba pa... Pwede mong iba ibahin ang chord pattern, lalo na pagdating sa pre chorus (kung meron man) at sa chorus, at sa bridge (kung meron man). Ang problema sa teknik na ito ay, limitado ang tonong magagamit mo... Dahil nakakulong ka lang sa chord pattern na gamit mo... Ito ang kadalasang ginagamit ng mga beginners, tulad ko...

Kung tono muna ang uunahin, well, hindi ko pa ito nasubukan, pero ayon sa aking sources... Mas madali daw ito... Ito rin ang suggestion ko sa mga aspiring composers na hindi pa marunong tumugtog ng kahit anong instrumento... Iisipin mo ang tonong naisin mo sa bawat stanza... At pag nabuo na, kapain na lang ang chords... Ang problema naman sa teknik na ito ay, walang pagbabasehan ng tono at mahirap kumapa ng chords...

Maari niyong gamitin ang kahit ano man sa dalawa, nasa sainyo ang desisyon... Gamitin ninyo ang teknik kung saan kayo komportable...

Mga tips...

Kapag nag lalapat ng tono, at ang unang teknik ang ginamit ninyo... Tandaan na maaring paulit ulit lang ang tonong kalalabasan ng inyong stanzas... Para maiwasan ito... Gawin ang teknik ng Rocksteddy at ni Noel Cabangon... Pareho ang tono ng 1st and 2nd stanza, tapos pagdating sa 3rd stanza iibahin niyo ng bahagya at pagdating sa 4th, pwedeng pareho ng 3rd o pwede ring pareho ng 1st at 2nd... Pero pakatandaan din na ang routine na ito ay nakakasawang pakinggan kung pauulit-ulitin...

Ang pang lima...

Ngayong tapos na ang pag lagay ng tono... Poproblemahin mo na ngayon ang pag alala sa tono... Mayroong mga taong kapag nagtagal, o matapos lamang ang ilang minuto, nakakalimutan na ang tono, kaya gagawa muli ng bago... Masakit ito sa ulo at sobrang time consuming... Kaya ang dapat gawin... Pagkatapos pa lang ng paglapat ng tono, kantahin mo ang buong kanta ng sampung beses na walang tigil... Tignan ko lang kung makalimutan mo pa... Okaya naman sa mga tinatamad, pwedeng irecord ang buong kanta, at pakinggan na lang paulit ulit... Iyon ang ginagawa ko...

Tandaan na ang lyrics na nagawa mo ay hindi pa final... Maaari mo pa itong baguhin in the process of putting up the tune... Pwede mo pang baguhin ang lahat... Nasa sa iyo iyon...

Well, ito lang naman ang mga tekniks na ginagamit ko... Kung sanay ka na, maaari kang makatapos ng isang kanta sa isang araw, okaya naman isang kanta sa isang oras... At syempre, malaking factor parin ang inspirasyon... Sana ay may natutunan kayo... Kung may mga tanong kayo, marapat lamang na ilagay sa komento... Sasagutin ko ang mga tanong ninyo... Maraming salamat... Maglalagay ako ng example dito.. Although na ilagay ko na siya sa isa kong post... Paborito ko ito sa mga nagawa kong kanta... At hindi ko na ito mapantayan... Hehe.. Enjoy...

See you Smile

Words and Music: Richard Coronacion (icarus05)

Sung by: Pearl Kaye Hilario

Pagninilay sa FX...

2006-11-19T23:50:00.000-08:00

Hinila na ng kahapon, ang lahat ng aking pagkatao...
Sapagkat sa iyo lamang umiikot, ang aking mga pag suyo...
Nang oras na iyong tinanggihan, pag ibig ko sa iyo'y alay...
Nawala na ang lahat... Nawalan na ng ganang mabuhay...

Hindi ko ito ninais... Na pagdurusang sapitin ay labis...
Mula ng mawala ka, mga pasakit ay aking tiniis...
Lubos akong nag sisisi, dahil wala akong ginawa...
Ginawa para manatili ka, manatili ka aking sinta...

O kay bilis lumipas, kumaripas ang panahon...
Naiwan lahat sa kahapon... Di alam kung sa paroroon...
Bakit ba, ano bang nagawa ko?
Para lang tratuhin mo ako ng ganito?

Hindi pa pala sapat ang lahat ng ginawa ko... Kulang pa pala ang lahat ng ibinigay ko... Tila hanggang ngayon, hindi mo pa rin ramdam, na labis akong nanabik... Sa iyong pagbabalik... Dito sa aking puso, dito lang... Dito lang...

Nasaan ka na ba? Hindi mo pa rin ba ako nakikita? Nandito lang ako, katulad noong nakaraan... Nandito lang ako, hindi ka iniwan... Nandito ako, hindi umalis sa iyong tabi... Naghihintay, umaasang ika'y lilingon sa akin... Marahil ay labis akong napaasa... Sa mga salita mong kapanapanabik... Mga pangakong iyong binitawan, na labis pa sa walang hanggan... Ninais kong makamtan, ang lahat ng iyon... Nandito ka sa piling ko... Nandito lang sa tabi ko...

Ang bilis pala, ni hindi ko man lang naramdaman... Lumisan ka na lang bigla, ng hindi nag papaalam... Tulad na lang ng lagi mong ginagawa... Iniiwan akong laging nag-iisa... Luhaan, at walang patutunguhan... Pagbuhos ng unos ay aking sinabayan... Ewan ko ba, kung bakit hanggang ngayon ako'y umaasa... Nananabik pa rin, sa iyong bawat kalinga...

Mga yakap na kay higpit, na iyong ibinahagi... Mga halik sa pisngi, na lagi sa isip ko'y sumasagi... Pag hawak mo sa king kamay... Na tila ayaw nang bumitaw pa... Marahil lahat ay wala na... Wala na... Wala na...

Ngayong ako'y iniwan mo... Nag iisa sa ating paraiso... Sa tingin mo, paano ako magsisimula? Ngayong naubos na ang lahat... Sa tingin mo paano ako makakabangon... Kung nilubog mo ako sa lupa ng basta basta? Sa tingin mo paano ako magmamahal muli... Paano? Gayong ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama habambuhay... Paano na? Paano na? Wala na ba talaga? Kailan ka kaya muling babalik? Kailan ka kaya muling iimik? Kailan? Kailan?... Marahil ay hindi na... Hindi na kailanman...

Kung kasalanan ang paghintay sa isang taong ayaw na sa iyo.. Kung kasalanan ang pag aasa sa isang bagay na hindi na kailan ma'y mangyayari... Kung kasalanan ang magmahal... Marapat nawa'y ako'y maging makasalanan...

Time withers...

2006-11-15T23:10:00.000-08:00

Fewer and fewer people pass that road...

Leaves fall down and then new ones sprout once more... As time goes on, so as this place... Many has changed, it has only been 14 years...

I was walking down to our subdivision, for a stroll... And to freshen up a bit after a busy day... I noticed many changes around me... Changes that I didn't expect to happen...

I happen to pass by at the playground... I remember when I was still a teeny bopper, we play here with my neighbors and with my sister... I would wake up at 7 in the morning just so I can be the first one to arrive here... This place was once very lovely... This place was the center of attraction, for many of the town fiesta's gatherings were done here... This place was once full of flowers, butterflies and dragonflies... And the mind calming smiles of children were all around the area... Yes, laughters and such... But now?.. That place is gone... It is there physically but, it is now different... WAY different... Now, dead leaves covers the pathwalks, tall grasses were all over the place... And the once so lively monkey bars and slides... Are now just a pile of junk... Rusts and holes are seen... No one can hang in the bars without getting blisters and small wounds in their hands... As I pass through, I shared a tear... "Damn"... The only word that came out of my mouth...

The deafening silence strucked me as I walk down the empty streets... There was once a street where children fears the most in our town... That street was always empty, only the sound of the waterfall can be heard... Why is it so scary? This street was the breeding place of stray dogs... Imagine how many dogs live in that place... If ever you step foot on that street... Hundreds of dogs will chase you to death... But then, time flies so fast... The waterfall is now covered with rocks, and a small mining site stood in it... The noisy dogs are now gone... The once so empty street, is now... Lonely...

Then, I happen to pass by at a sari-sari store... This store was once the "Supermarket" of our town... It was always bountiful and never ran out of supplies... All the things you need are there... And the store owner was once very friendly, and always shares a smile... Then, SM Fairview and Robinsons Novaliches stood just 10 mins ride from our town... Yes... The store suffered from bankruptcy... Until now, the store opened again after how many years... But it was not as before... The store looks empty now... And the store owner's smile, is now gone...

I thought that time heals? But why did it have to be this way? The once so lively town... Is now a ghost town...

I went at the bulletin board right at the guard house... And I saw an announcement... The announcement was... "Notice, for Christmas Basketball League"...

Maybe there's still hope after all...

Hallucination...

2006-11-14T02:08:00.000-08:00

Visions of you... Kept on haunting me...

Loud sounds of rock and roll covered the whole room... The loud screams of the singer, the cheerful shouts of the audience, the powerful riffs of the guitar players, and the brain blowing beats of the drummer occupied the whole area... Yes, once again, we did our magic...

My classmates and I had our weekly jamming in "Bodega™" right beside UE... It was only there where I can calm my nerves, where the music soothes my soul and helps me to realize, everything is beautiful no matter what may happen... It has always been this way... Music always saves me...

After 1 hour of loud music... The sounds of rock finally stopped... Time to go home... And once again, I am all alone... I took a last glimpse at the drumsets right at the back room, where my station was... There I saw something I never thought I would see again... There she was... Playing her favorite beat... Playing the songs that we shared together... I smiled, but nobody saw... I closed my eyes... The sounds were gone... She vanished also, before my very eyes...

I went outside, to freshen up... Still shocked about that experience... It happened again... Even though I can see my classmates talking, and constantly moving their mouths... I can't hear anything... It was quiet... Then I looked at the side walk... There I saw her again... Coming down from a jeepney, as if she was in hurry... My eyes followed her... Large amount of crowd covered her... Then, as my vision cleared... I realized... It was not her...

While riding the FX, I felt kinda dizzy... Still restless and tired... My eyelids slowly drops... The next thing I knew, I was falling asleep... After a few minutes... A bump woke me up... The FX stopped and a passenger came in... Her hair was just like hers... Even her perfume... I can feel her presence inside the FX... Damn, what is wrong with me... Then she looked at me... Again, it was not her... Must be seeing things again...

As I departed from the FX, I looked at it once more... And a crazy coincidence strucked me... The plate number of the FX was... Her name...

if u don't know her name, look at my last post.. Her name was stated there...

The Festival of Hearts...

2006-11-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

I feel like flying ing the sky when I'm with you...

The cold night was fast approaching as we walk across the streets of the busy town... Every one was running around, everyone looks happy, as if their problems slowly drifts away with the cold mists that covered the land... It was getting late, but we were still awake... The loud screams and uttered laughters were heard even though it was noisy outside...

Zai and her brother asked me to go with them at this carnival that every year, visits this small but lovely town... Of course, I didn't decline... For the first time, I experienced something new... Something that would change my life... Excited at the same time, nervous, we went to the carnival... Didn't mind the time... It was getting late, but we didn't care...

Everone was laughing around, having fun... Others were dissapointed, for some of them lost at some of the games... Lost their 5 peso coins... Some were singing their hearts out at the videoke bar right beside the rides... As we came closer, my heart started to pound hardly... My eyes opened wider when we approached the main attraction of the carnival... The Ferris Wheel...

This ferris wheel was different, it was beyond normal... It had this certain touch that made the people come back for more, or rather... DIDN'T came back for more... What was different? Well, this ferris wheel spins a lot faster than any normal carnival ferris wheels... When I said a lot faster... I really mean it.. It spins for about 20kph and when it rolls back down, as if you were falling down... As if the gravity pulls you back at the main land...

At first I was having 2nd thoughts... Who wouldn't? The ride was so scary to begin with... As I sat at the ground, waiting patiently and thinking of what might happen... She slowly sat beside me... Comforted me with her sweet voice... I must admit, she made me feel better... Finally the ride stopped... And it was our turn... I can't believe I'm doing this...

We took our seat at the ride where only 2 persons can fit... She sat with me... It made me feel better, and stopped the hard poundings of my heart... As the ride slowly fills up the empty seats, I can already feel the adrenaline and the blood slowly pumping up in my head... I felt my face was looking pale... She saw it... I should know for she was laughing...

"Bakit ka tumatawa?"

"Wala lang, natatawa ako sayo..."
"Bakit? Anong nakakatawa?"

"Namumutla ka na oh!"

I tried my best not to look pale... I even laugh with her just so the dizziness would go away... Then... Something happened... Our seat stopped at the heighest part of the ride... There were no customers around so I concluded that we will stay here for a while... Then, all of my worries seemed to fade away... I was not scared anymore... Right there at the top, every seemed to stop... The view there was magnificent... We saw the whole town...

"Ang ganda..."

"Uu nga eh..."

I wanted to tell her that I'm not really looking at the view... I was looking at her... But then I was too shy... And dizzy at the same time... Then I held her hand....

"Kinakabahan na ko..."
"Ok lang yan, wag ka kabahan, kasama mo ko...."
"Waaa.. Ayan na gumagalaw naaa..."

"Haha, uu nga yeheeyy!"

"Grabe ang saya mo ah..."

"Haha, ayos lang yan, ayaw mo non, first time mong sumakay dito, kasama mo pa ko"

"Uu nga eh... Ang saya saya ko nga eh..."

"Hehe.. O edi, hindi mo ko malilimutan! :P"
"Uu nga noh.. Hehe.. Bahala naaa! WAAAAHH!!"

Then the ride started its horror... We fell down at 9.8m/sec²... Free fall... And then up again... Continued its cycle... I never stopped screaming... And she never stopped laughing at me...

It was the most embarassing, yet.. The most memorable experience I ever had... She's right.. I will never forget this...

Close to the End...

2006-11-09T06:36:00.000-08:00

I'm still hanging on... But I'm right at the edge...

Dahan dahang umusad ang lumang FX na sinasakyan ko sa kalagitnaan ng highway ng trapik na Quezon Avenue... Inabot na ako ng hapon kanina, dahil sobrang walang masakyan... Bihira akong umuwi ng ganitong oras lalo na't galing ng UE... Pag lulan pa lang ng FX, bumagsak kaagad ang aking mga mata... Nandilim ang paningin ko at wala na akong makita...

Simula ng mangyari iyon, lagi na lang akong madaling araw nakakatulog... Lagi kong kaaway ang aking katawan, lagi kong kaaway ang aking utak, lagi kong kaaway ang aking puso... Matagal tagal na rin ang nakalipas... Pero ewan ko ba, hindi pa rin pala ako nakaka move-on... Kaya ko pa nga ba? Ewan, hindi ko rin alam...

Totoo pala talaga, na tuwing in love ka, hindi ka nakakatulog sa gabi... At tuwing broken hearted ka, ganito rin ang mangyayari sa iyo... Kung susuriing mabuti, nakakasira palang talaga ang love sa ating pagkatao... Diba?

Dati, noong nagsisimula pa akong mag blog, binalak kong maging isang blog ito na punong puno ng katatawanan tulad ng kay Heneroso, pero gamit ang mga storya na naiimbento ko tungkol sa love... Storya ng pag ibig na magpapakilig sana sa masang Pilipino... Pero hindi ko inakala, na magiging ganito pala ang magiging kalalabasan ng aking blog... Naging Emo o Hate blog na ito... Malungkot lagi ang eksena... Malungkot lagi ang mga post... Marahil ay nakaapekto ng malaki sa akin si kilala nyo na... Marahil ay talagang napabago niya ang pananaw ko sa buhay... Kahit sa totoong mundo, ganito rin ako... Tahimik lagi at laging mukhang problemado... Pero kung tinatanong ako ng mga tao, pare pareho lang ang sinasabi kong problema... Hindi nagbabago... Nagbago na nga talaga ako... Nawala na ang masiyahing tao at punong puno ng pagmamahal sa kapaligiran... Nawala na ang palangiti, palabiro at pala kantang Chabs na nakilala ng mga tao... Naging si Icarus ako... Punong puno ng kalungkutan at problema... Punong puno na...

Marahil ay kailangan ko lang talaga ng karamay... Lalo na ngayong hindi pa nag hihilom ang sugat na napuna ng aking puso... Masakit pa rin hanggang ngayon... Hindi ko pa rin siya nakakalimutan... Hindi pa rin ako ganap na naka move-on... Niloloko ko lang pala ang sarili ko... Pinipilit ko ang sarili ko sa isang bagay na kahit kailan ay hindi na magbabago...

Pasensya na kayo kung medyo matagal tagal akong nawala... Talagang wala lang ako sa sarili ko nitong nakaraang mga araw... Marami akong iniisip, at gusto kong mapag isip ng mag isa... Gusto kong linawin ang lahat at ituwid ang mga pagkakamaling nagawa ko noong nakaraang mga buwan... Ngayon lang ulit ako nagkaroon ng panahon para sa sarili ko... Pwede na itong simula... Kahit maliit na bagay lamang... Medyo wala ring sense itong post ko, kaya tatapusin ko na lang...

Gumising ako, lulan ng FX, at napansing nasa SM Fairview na pala ako... Buti na lang at nagising ako... Pagbaba ko, tulog pa rin ang kaluluwa ko... Para akong naglalakad na bangkay sa loob ng SM, hindi nagsasalita, nakatingin lamang sa isang lugar... Hindi kumikibo... Hindi makausap... Pagdating ko ng bahay, isang tao agad ang pumasok sa isip ko... Gusto ko siyang makausap, pero wala pa siya, gusto ko ulit marinig ang kanyang boses pero wala siya... Hinintay ko siya, pero nakaligtaan ko siya, marahil ay nagkasalisi lang kami...

Ikaw, kilala mo na kung sino ka... Miss na kita bebwi sis koh... Sorry...

"How can I forget someone who totally changed me? How can I forget someone who understood me when no one was there to understand? How can I erase the memories, when you are all I could ever think about? How, tell me how... How can I forget you? For you are my only love... Maybe death is the fastest possible way... Maybe... I'll just sleep myself to death, til they take my heart away..."

Sorry guys... Promise, I will post some read worth posts soon... Im just not in the mood today... Marahil hindi kahapon, marahil hindi ngayon, marahil ay hindi pa bukas... Balang araw, Oo balang araw... Salamat sa mga dumaan...

Til' They Take My Heart Away... Part 10...

2006-11-04T05:12:00.000-08:00

I guess when it's time, it's time...

Nung gabing yaon, ni hindi man lang ako tinamaan ng antok... Hindi pa rin maalis sa isipan ko ang pangyayaring iyon... Hindi ko akalaing ganoon ang mangyayari... Galit na galit ako sa sarili ko... Ni wala man lang akong nagawa para pigilan ang kanyang pag alis... Lumisan na lamang siya ng hindi man lang nag papaalam... Tulad ng ginawa niya noon...

Kinabukasan, nawalan na ako ng gana upang bumangon pa... Nawalan na ako ng gana upang manatili pa dito sa aming paraiso, hindi ko alam kung bakit, marahil ay sumuko na ako... Sumuko ang utak ko, ngunit lumalaban pa rin ang puso ko... Hindi ko alam kung ano bang dapat na sundin sa dalawa... Ang gulo, pangit ang simula ng araw ko...

Tumungo na ako sa lugar na talagang pinunta ko dito sa Infanta... Ang aking mahal na Alma Mater, para umatend ng isang meeting... Expected na muli ko nanaman siyang makikita dito... Dahil member siya ng Organizasyong ito... Sana naman makakita na ako ng panibagong pagkakataon ngayon...

Nakita ko siyang papalapit na sa gate ng eskwelahan, kakaiba ang naramdaman ko... Mas lumakas pa ang dati kong pagkatorpe ngayon... Ewan ko ba... Marahil ay natigilan lang ako sa kagandahang inilabas niya ngayong araw na to... Pero hindi dapat ako magpatalo sa emosyon ko... Oras na ng meeting... Pero nag pa late siyang pumasok... Siguro ay naramdaman niya na kapag pumasok siya ng maaga ay tatabihan ko siya... Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang umupo sa may sulok at doon pinagmamasdan siya sa malayo... Buong meeting, hindi naalis ang mga mata ko sa kanya... Umaasa na baka magkasalubong ang aming mga mata... Ngunit wala talaga... Ni sulyap man lang ay hindi niya ako biniyayaan... Matatapos na ang araw, ni isang salita wala akong narinig sa kanyang mga labi... Ewan...

Natapos ang meeting, ayoko nang tumagal pa dito... Papalabas ng eskwelahan, nakasalubong ko siya, nakikipag harutan sa kanyang mga kasama, masaya sila, kaya't akala ko'y makakausap ko na siya... Lumapit ako at hinawakan ang kanyang buhok... (Ito ang pagbati ko sa kanya dati...) Hindi ko inaasahan ang naging reaksyon niya... Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at binato papalayo sa kanya... Sabay tumakbo siya papalayo... Hindi na ako lumingon pa para tignan siya... Baka lalo lang madagdagan ang sugat na namuo na sa aking puso... Sa pagkakataong iyon, doon ko naramdaman, na ayaw na talaga niya... Noon ko pa nakikita pero nagpapamanhid lang ako... Ayaw ko siyang lisanin, ayaw ko siyang iwan... Pero anong magagawa ko... Siya na ang umiwan sa akin...

Panahon na siguro upang tumigil na ako... Masakit... Sobrang sakit ang nararamdaman ko... Ang hirap pala ng ganito... Akala ko madali lang... Naiinis ako sa sarili ko... Bakit ako naging mahina... Bakit wala man lang akong nagawa para manatili siya... Bakit wala man lang akong nagawa para hindi na siya muling lumisan pa... Napakaraming tanong... Ang hirap sagutin... Ang hina ko... Nakakahiya ako...

Sa panahong ito, ako naman ang lumisan ng hindi nagpapaalam... Kasabay nito, iniwan ko na rin ang nararamdaman ko dito sa sarili kong paraiso, marahil ay sa muling pagbalik ko dito, may makatagpo nito upang ibalik sa akin... Ipinagkatiwala ko na sa iyo ito mahal kong Infanta... Sumakay na ako ng bus, at pinilit na lisanin ang lugar kung saan nagsimula ang lahat... Habang ang bus ay tumutulay sa makipot na daan sa tabi ng kabundukan... Muli kong sinilayan ang kabundukan ng Sierra Madre... Kay ganda... Sana makaya ko ito... Pagabi na pala... Nakita ko ang araw na unti unting nagtatago sa likod ng kabundukan, kasabay nito ang pag pikit ng mata ko at pag sabi ng...

"Paalam aking mahal... Hanggang sa Muling pagsikat ng araw..."

Sana ay hindi pa ito ang huling yugto ng aking kwento... Pero sa ngayon ay isasarado ko muna ang libro, at itatapon ang susi nito... Pero, hindi pa rin ako tumitigil sa pag aasang, muli niya itong hahanapin at bubuksan muli ang libro... Marahil ay hindi pa ngayon... Marahil ay hindi na kahapon... Marahil ay hindi pa bukas... Balang araw... Oo, balang araw...

Wakas... (Sa ngayon)

Til' They Take My Heart Away... Part 9...

2006-11-02T05:55:00.000-08:00

I didn't expect this to happen...

It was too early for the sun to shine... Still the rooster was brave enough to do his job... As he shouts his morning cock a doodle doo... I didn't sleep that time, I guess, I was too excited to see her, from the moment we arrived...

I greeted the sun as he awakes this morning... Still waiting for their arrival, I ate my breakfast to calm my nerves... I've heard that they were coming here at our resort to have their picnic... But that time, I was not yet ready to see her... I guess... I was too nervous. I went to the town proper first to do some daily routine... Blog hopping, YM and playing RAN...

When it was time to go home, my heart pounded loudly... I was again too nervous to even show my face to her... One by one, I saw them arriving at our place... Bumaba sila lulan ng iba't ibang sasakyan.. Ngunit siya'y wala doon... Tinawanan ko lang at binulong sa sarili... "Asa pa me.."

Marahil ay hindi na siya darating... Marahil ay nalaman niyang dumating na ako mula sa maynila... Pumunta ako sa dalampasigan, at doon ay nag gitara-gitara muna upang malibang... Mainit ang panahon, tanghaling tapat at wala man lang kaulap ulap...

Biglang narinig ko ang pag kaluskos ng mga damo, habang papalapit na tumakbo ang aking pinsan... Sigaw niya? "Kuya! Kuya! Anjan na si Ate Wyena..." Tumawa lang ako... At nag patuloy lang sa pagtugtog ng gitara... Hindi nagtagal, tinamaan ako ng antok... Dumerecho na ako patungo sa aking kwarto... Dahan-dahan akong lumapit patungo sa gate ng aming tahanan... Pagdating ko ng kwarto, nakita ko siya roon, nagbibilyar kasama ng mga kaklase niya... Ewan ko kung ano ang nagtulak sa akin noon pero, napilitan akong magtago sa kwarto... Naririnig ko mula doon ang kanyang mga tawa... Ang kanyang boses... Hindi ko natiis... Kailangan ko uli siyang makita...

Lumabas ako ng kwarto, nandoon pa rin siya... Pero sa pagkakataong ito, nakita na niya ako... Pero parang wala lang... Parang ibang tao ang nakita niya... Wala man lang reaksyon, at nagpatuloy na siya sa paglalaro... Simula pa lang naman... Naisip ko... Bumalik muli ako sa dalampasigan upang muling mag muni muni at magpaka senti... Di nagtagal, nagpuntahan na rin sila doon... Dahil walang kuryente noon, at mainit sa loob... Nagpahangin na lang sila sa may tabing dagat... Naglalaro sila sa may tabing dagat, nananampisaw sa tubig alat at naghahabulan sa maputing buhangin... Sa oras na iyon... Lumipad nanaman ang utak ko sa nakaraan... Kung saan kasama ko siya sa dalampasigang yaon, naghahabulan at nagbabatuhan ng buhangin... Nananampisaw sa tubig alat at nagbabasaan... Nagtatawanan at bakas pa ang kaligayahan sa aking mukha... Natauhan akong bigla ng nakita ko siyang papalapit sa akin... Tulala lang ako, nakatingin sa kanyang mga mata... Ng bigla niyang sinabing... "Nice, ang Haba ng Hair natin ah?!" Tumawa lang ako at hindi nakaimik...

Umupo siya sa malayong cottage, habang ako'y naiwang mag isa sa kabila... Pagkakataon ko na ito... Dapat ko na siyang makausap... Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kanya... Naririnig kong kinakanta niya ang kanta namin... Hindi ako makapaniwala noon, tuwang tuwa ako... Pero hindi ko inasahang panandalian lang pala iyon...

Nang maramdaman niyang papalapit na ako... Tumigil kaagad siya sa pagkanta... Tumahimik siya at biglang kumanta ng boom tarat tarat... "Lakas nanaman ng trip mo ah XD?" Pabirong sinabi ko... Tumawa lamang siya... Umupo ako sa tabi niya at nanahimik panandalian ang kapaligiran... Nagbalak ang kanyang kasama na iwan muna kaming dalawa... Ngunit nasira ang lahat ng sinabi niyang...

"Tara, bili tayo ng sofrdrinks sa labas..."

Umalis sila lulan ng motorsiklo at iniwan nanaman akong mag isa sa cottage...

Itutuloy...

Pathetic...

2006-10-29T19:41:00.000-08:00

Forgive him father, for he did not know what he had done...

Tears soaked my shirt one rainy evening... No, it wasn't mine, it was my friend's... This scene wasn't very common, especially when I'm with her... For she was always happy, she always flashes her beautiful smile... I didn't expect that this night would be different... There was no smile to be seen... Tears flowing down from those lovely eyes... I felt her pain, her sorrow, her despair, her agony, her hatred... I empathy her...

She recently had a break up with his boyfriend... Because of family matters... Her family was not the "welcome-to-the-family-my-daughter's-boyfriend" type... They were one of the "over-protective" ones... You guys know what I mean, you get the picture... But then, her ex boyfriend took it the wrong way, went ballistic and said things... Things that are not pleasant to the ear... Even I was affected by their conflict... From that moment, he showed his true color... Pathetic... I pity you my friend...

Why? I'll tell you why... Even within the duration of their relationship, her boyfriend was already flirting with someone else... He didn't even realized that he is already backstabbing her... Unfaithful... Immature... Bullshit... After he had learned the bad news... He already replaced her... As easy as snapping his fingers... Just like that... Bullshit... He made her look bad, he made her look like she was the one who was wrong, he made her look like she was nothing, he made her look like she was the worst girlfriend in the whole world... Pathetic, what do you think guys? Who the hell is wrong?

She only did was to love him, be true to him, and be faithful... I know how much she loves him... I know, for I was with her everytime she had this feeling of butterflies in her stomach, I was with her whenever she's smiling at him... I was with her from the moment she fell inlove with him... I guess, she loved the wrong person... Better yet, she loved the WORST person...

Love is not suppose to be all sweet stuff... Love must be faithful, true and understanding... But what he showed was none of that... He never really loved her at all... All he ever wanted was to make out... Just like he did with his other gf's... Damn... Now tell me, who the hell is Pathetic?

For her... You were never wrong... You did the right thing... I should've warned you earlier... I'm sorry, if only I have learned your relationship much earlier... Don't worry, I won't leave your side, Trust me, eventually everything will be ok, someone will surely come your way... You deserve someone better, you deserve someone who will truly care for you... You just wait... Pray always and never forget God... Take Care of yourself...

For him... (Warning! Parental Guidance is very much needed) PUTANG INA KANG GAGO KA, ang kapal ng pagmumukha mong tang ina ka... Akala mo kung sino kang gwapo! Ano ka? Kras ng bayan? Nakakahiya ka... Naawa ako sayo alam mo ba yon? Tang ina, makakarma ka ring gago ka balang araw... Bobo ka kasi eh, hindi ka naniwala sa reason niya, bobo, inutil... Ginawa lang naman niya ang bagay na alam niyang tama para sa inyong dalawa... Pinili niyang magtapos ng pag aaral... Eh ikaw na bobo ka, gusto mo lang kasi makipag talik... Pakingshet, tang ina, balang araw makakarma ka rin... Bahala ka sa buhay mo, Goodluck na lang sa inyo ng bago mong Gelpren... Handa kaming magpatawad kung bababaan mo lang yang putang inang pride na yan... Ang taas kasi ng pride mo eh... Tang ina ka, ang yabang mo... May lakas ka pa ng loob na ipagmalaki samin yang Gelpren mo... Ang kapal din ng mukha mo noh? Ewan, ba't ba ko nakikipag usap sayo.. Wala rin namang kwenta dahil hindi ka rin makikinig... Pathetic... Nakakahiya ka...

Sorry bout that... :þ Guys, let us make her feel better... I know she really needs someone right now.. Thank you...

Half Crazy...

2006-10-25T23:24:00.000-07:00

Days turned into Months...

I lie awake one night, I can't sleep even though 'twas already late, memories of her kept on occupying my mind...

I'm not thinking right lately, all I could ever think about is her, she's not returning my messages anymore, as if she's not really making any effort to do so... I'm turning half crazy everytime I don't see her name at my cellphone... 'Coz, I'm used to that... Every morning as the sun shines, she was always the first one to wake me up, with those sweet messages... But now, even a simple miss call cannot be seen...

At first, I thought that waiting for her was easy... I guess I was wrong... So wrong... Why? What have I done wrong for her to treat me like nothing at all? Never did I broke our promise, I never looked for another woman to replace her, everything I did was all for her, I kept myself busy so I won't miss her that much... No... I can't take it anymore... I can't handle everything alone... Alone... Alone...

I didn't mind the time, for I thought that the time would just flow freely and fast... Yes, it did... I've been waiting for six months now... Funny, it doesn't seem like me... Back at highschool, I was the "playboy" type of guy, I was not that patient... I guess she strucked me through... She changed who I am...

Everytime I go home to our province, the first thing I always do is to look for her... Hoping that we could talk and straighten things out... But no... Seems like she always does something to get away from me... She's always seen running around or doing something important... She won't talk to me... She won't even look at me even for just a second... I hope she can see that I am hurt, wounded and bruised everytime she does that... Asa pa ako...

I just wanted to continue our story, kahit ako na gumagawa ang gumagawa ng effort... Pero, anong magagawa ko kung ang taong pinaglalaban ko ay sinasabi nang talo na ko?.. Ayoko... Mahirap para sa kin na mawala siya, ewan ko ba... Ngayon pa nga lang magkalayo kami natataranta na ako... Haay... Ewan, hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko... Magulo na ang love life ko...

Sabihin nyo nga sa akin... Please tulungan ninyo ako... Makatarungan pa ba kung ituloy ko pa rin ang paghihintay?..

Secrets Revealed...

2006-10-21T03:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, matapos ang ilang araw... Nako pinahirapan ninyo ako, napakarami ang nagtanong.. hehe.. Sasagutin ko ang mga iyan sa abot ng aking makakaya...

Heto naaaaah...

Karla asked... sino na present labidoobss mooo XD

Haha! Wyena pa rin of course... Kahit na bihira pa rin siya nagpaparamdam, tinitiis ko na lang... Hehe... Ganun ako ka hopeless pagdating sa love! Kilala mo na naman ako Karla eh! XD And si ano... Yung lagi kong ka date sa Ran! :->

Jonnazel asked... kamusta na si icarus ngayon?

Well, Icarus is well and fine! Thanks for asking! Nakapahinga na ng maayos dahil sembreak na! And maybe nextweek makakauwi na ako ng Infanta... :) Watch out, baka matuloy na ang Til They take my heart away series! I hope...

Well, Heneroso asked a very personal question... Here goes...

Heneroso asked... Nagkaroon ka ba ng feelings kay Jaemie? or Elay dati?

Hmm... Ikaw talaga... Kinabahan ako sa tanong mo ah... To be honest.. Yes... Para sa mga bloggers na hindi nakakakilala sa kanila... Si Jaemie po ang aking childhood chum, she was my bestfriend for almost 10 years. And Elay was my HS Espwen, pero ngaun di na siya nagpaparamdam, I dunno why... Ayan ah! Nagkagusto ako sa kanila nung HS na ko, I attempted to court Jae noon, pero nabigo ako... Haha! Si Elay naman, wala akong balak ligawan... Masaya na ako sa pagiging bespren niya... Ayokong masira ang aming pagsasama ng dahil lang sa feelings ko...

Pam asked... how are you? kelangan mo pa rin ng girlfriend?

Haha! Nice one... Ok naman po ako... Medyo nakakaahon na mula sa mga problema ng kahapon... Girlfriend? Yeah! Kailangan ko pa rin ng Girlfriend! Isama ko na rin sina Jhed at Chino... Hekhek! Huway ju asked?! :->

Gary asked... ano ang totoong dahilan sa hindi paglaro ni bonbon custodio sa 2nd game ng final four against UST?

Ayon sa kumakalat na chismax sa Campus, binenta daw niya ang laro laban sa uste sa halagang 100k at isang kotse... Hindi ko sinasabing naniniwala ako, dahil yan ay haka haka lamang... Kung ano man ang dahilan, si bonbon lang ang nakakaalam... Ayokong magsalita sa mga bagay na wala akong kamalay malay.. hehe.. (Parang galit ah..) BTW, congrats nga pala sa USTe, talagang pinag dakdakan pa ng school nyo ang pagkapanalo nyo at kitang kita sa buong Espanya ang inyong pagka champion! hehe.. (Galit ulet ah...)

Faye asked... ung tanong ko 2ngkol dun s post mo na "jealousy"...si j_ _ _ _ _ a ba?

Opo, hindi ka nagkakamali, siya po iyon...

Ang pahabol... naka-isip na ba kayo ng pangalan ng banda nyo?

Nyahaha! I'm not the brains of the band, I only play the drums! Asked mo yung dalawang nag tatag ng banda! hehe.. As for now, "Elmoy" pa rin.. XD

Kuya Rowjie asked... anong kanta ang masasabi mong kanta ng buhay mo?

Hmm hirap nito ah... (Searches iTunes...) Iba-iba ang kanta ng buhay ko eh... Depende sa sitwasyon na tinatahak ko... Kung isa lang naman, hmmm... Pare Ko... Hehe, many times na kasi nangyari sa akin ito eh... Pero not with a kolehiyala! :) Hmm, hindi ko talaga alam kung pano sagutin ito hehe... Sorry Kuya Rowjie!

Mara and Potpot asked... musta?

Ok lang naman po ako! Thank you for asking! Kayo? musta?!

Chino asked... yung mga moooooooooshy posts mu ba about getting over some1 o directed lamang sa iisang tao??

Hmm, some of the stories that I made are for someone... Sa mga gusto kong patamaan at sa mga nagpapatama! Hehe.. Meron na rin akong ginawa na for "getting over someone" at meron na rin na directed lamang sa isang tao... Pero, majority of the stories are fictional... Ok? Fictional... Hehe... Promise, maniwala man kayo o hindi...

Adrian asked... bakit "chabs" ang nickname mo?

Haha! Napansin mo rin?! Anyhoo... Originally, ang nickname ko talaga ay Chavi or Chabi that came from my name which is riCHArd keVIn gets? Hehe, when my classmates back in grade 6 discovered my lame nickname, Ginawa nilang "Chabs" para naman daw mas bagay pakinggan kesa sa Chabi... (Hindi naman daw kasi ako mataba para tawaging Chabi...) Another theory was... Mataba daw ako nung baby pa ko... Sino bang hindi?

Edgar asked... una: sino? sino ang tunay na baliw?...
pangalawa at pangatlo: kung ikaw ay magiging superhero sino ka? at ano ang iyong superpowers?

Una: Sisa? O si Ate Glow? hehe... Choose at your own risk... Pangalawa: Tulad nga ng sinabi mo, gusto ko maging sugo... Sugo ni Kupido! Hekhek... Sounds cheesy.. Anyhoo... Pangatlo: Kumbaga sipa sa tagiliran ako ni Master Kupido, at ang hawak ko ay laser gun at hindi bow and arrows... Siyempre, modern na hello!.. Babarilin ko ang mga walang pakialam sa mundo, ang mga walang pakialam sa kalikasan, ang mga nag-aaway na magkatipan, ang mga magkaaway na bayan, ang mga magkakaaway at mga pinaglalaruan... Dahil paano magkakaroo ng peace kung walang love diba? Pag nangyari sakin ito, uunahin kong patamaan ang mga tao sa gobyerno para naman magkaroon sila ng malasakit sa mga sakop nila... Langya... At ang aking punchline ay... "Was here! Spreading Love..." ;)

Jheanne asked... 1] nako! bat hindi kita nakikita sa chapel?!, 2] naniniwala ka ba na binenta nga ni bonbon ang game 2 naten vs. UST?, 3] bakit sobrang proud ang UST nung matalo nila tayo? sa kadahilanang nagpagawa pa sila ng malaking banner na nagsasaad ng "WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS", 4] totoo ba si super inggo? o si capt. barbel? o di kaya si pedro penduko? at, 5] bakit ang panget ng ending ng majika?!

Huwaw, ang dami... 1]Sori, dahil hindi na ako masyadong active ngayon sa CCP, pagbalik ni father promise, babalik na ako doon! Mag enroll ka na ng umaga next time para naman magkita na tayo! Hehe... 2]Oo, at hindi... bow... Ayoko na magsalita ng kung ano-ano, mahirap na, taga UE ako.. baka ako pa ang madale ng aking mahal na Pamantasan... 3]Haha, hindi ko rin alam, tanungin mo sina Heneroso, Jhed at iba pa.. Hehe.. Patay, maraming taga USTe na bloggers at kakaunti lang tayo! XD 4]Sila'y mga hakahaka lamang at mga "Fairy Tale" bidas na inimbento ni Carlo J. Caparas at iba pa... Sila ang ginawang simbolo ng mga story writers upang gawing Inspirasyon at tularan ng mga kabataan... 5]Panget ba? Sorry, di na ako nanunuod ng TV eh, marahil ay sa kadahilanang mahirap mag isip ng matinong ending sa isang kwento... Promise... Kahit ako...

Vinkz asked... Ilang babae na ang nagpatibok sa puso mo. At sinu-sino sila?

Ayos ah.. Hehe.. Marami na ring mga babae ang nagpatibok ng puso ko... Pero sad to say, hindi lahat naging akin.. Hekhek... Ung una nung grade 5 ako.. Well you could say it is puppy luv!, Yung pangalawa nung 1st year ako, sad to say basted ako... Next was, 2nd year, siya yung textmate ko... My 1st long distance relationship.. Next was nung 3rd yr ako, 2nd yr yung GF ko... No comment bout that... 3 times akong nainluv nung 4th year... Yung isa, siya yung dahilan kung bakit ako lumipat ng Infanta, 2nd Siya yung ex ko... 3rd syempre si Wyena, na hanggang ngayon ay hinihintay ko... Ngayong college... Well nakwento ko na siya sa "Jelousy" post ko... No comment bout that. Maraming crushes, pero wala lang yon! hehe.. So kung ittally mo lahat.. 4 lang naging GF ko.. Believe it or not! P.S. Some of them appeared in one of my stories! Try to find them there! ;)

Sa wakas... Tapos na! hehhe... Sana'y nasagot ko ng maayos ang mga tanong ninyo! Kung may gusto pa kayong malaman tungkol sa akin... I add nyo na lang ako sa YM at magpakilala kayo... Nasa profile ko ang aking YM Id! :) Pasensya na doon sa mga hindi ko nasagot ng maayos... Ang hirap eh! Hehe.. Lalo na kay kuya Rowjie, sori talaga! hehe.. Anyhoo, mahaba na ito masyado... Promise, I'll come up with a better post next time! :)

Random muli...

2006-10-19T07:16:00.000-07:00

Kaka sembreak lang namin... Oo, grabe ang UE no? Late nagpapa sembreak tapos maaga nagkaklase... Ok lang naman sakin un.. Mas gusto ko ngang tumatambay sa school.. Kesa sa bahay lang..

Walang magawa dito sa bahay, sobrang tunganga lang at naghihintay ng senyales sa hangin para naman may magawa... So ngaung wala akong magawa.. At wala rin akong ma post... eto na lang..

Gusto ko gayahin yung post nila Heneroso, Kironobu, Jhed etc... Mukhang masaya at nakakaintriga! hehe.. Tsaka sa lahat ng mga gustong makakilala sa akin.. Dito na kayo humirit! XD Game..

Ask me anything.. I'll answer it on my next post :) ok?! I'm gonna post the answers after 10 or more comments ok?! :) Sana maki usyoso kayo hehe...

Sige dito na lang.. Lame post.. hehe.. RAN mode.. sayang 2x..

Childhood Boogie...

2006-10-17T00:42:00.000-07:00

I didn't mind the world... For I was free...

The day was great for a stroll outside. The sun immediately shone his glory unto the world after the rooster's crow... I stood up, got dressed and went outside... The streets were empty, seems like everyone is still asleep, but I can't wait any longer... One by one, I knocked at the gates of my friends' houses, hoping that they were already awake... Eventually, they came out, still with the sign of the sandman who visited their houses... Wiping their eyes and still yawning... "Heey! Come on! Let's play!" I shouted with laughter... They all smiled and immediately went outside...

"Taya ka na!" each of us shouted as we took our turns on being the "it". Our little voices and laughters were heard even from outside our subdivision... Yes, we were having fun... Those were the days... Those were the days that we were free... From the worries of the world, free from the problems of the government, young, innocent, and free... As the sun went up above the heavens, the bell rang... Shouting that it was time for lunch... Pretty soon, the streets would be empty again... As we ate our lunch, all we could ever think about are the laughters and the joy that we shared with each other... The games that we played from morning til night... And the gust of wind as it touches our skins everytime we run... Yes, it was all I could think about...

Whenever the sun waves at us, we always wave back at him at our houses' rooftop... We could see the sun smiling, I know he also enjoyed our company, he also enjoyed watching us right there... I can now see the moon coming... Asking us if she can also play with us...

"Tagu-taguan maliwanag ang buwan, pagbilang ko ng sampu, nakatago na kayo!" The "it" shouted as the moon shares her glow... It was the perfect time to play taguan... I was the it that time... Yes, I know the feeling of being a "burot". We played and played until it was already late... "Anim! Pito! Walo! Siyam! Sampu! Andito na koooh!" I shouted... I turned around and started searching for them... Minutes and hours passed, still I couldn't find them... "Where are they"... A security guard saw me, and told me... "Little one, they all went home an hour ago... You go home too ok? It's already late..." I smiled with embarassment surrounding my mind... Went home with my head bowed down... Maybe it is getting late... I should call it a day...

Tomorrow will be a different story...

Miss those days?... Yeah... Me too...

Jealousy...

2006-10-13T02:39:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...

The blinding light from the fluorescent lamp shined troughout the whole room as I opened the dors and flicked the switch... There was no one there, I guess I'm too early for the 7:30 bell...

I sat at my desk and fell asleep while waiting for my classmates... Even though my eyes are closed, I am awake... Eventually I heard the closing and opening of the door... Finally, I'm not alone, I opened my eyes to see the person who entered.. I saw her there, sitting at the corner, listening to her mp3 player...

I sat beside her and greeted her a good morning. She gave me her sweetest smile... For a while, we sat there at the corner, but she was quet, she never uttered a word... Maybe because I'm quiet too... For I was too shy to even move mouth... Or maybe... Maybe because she's waiting for someone... And not me...

From the very first time I entered this room, She was the 1st person who greeted me "hi!" I can never forget that day... It was the first day of classes, every freshmen such as myself are all quiet, silent as a sitting rock, waiting for someone to move them... I entered the classroom looking for an empty seat, there at the corner she waved at me, I smiled with wonder, but then she pointed at an empty chair beside her and asked me to sit there... Of course I accepted her offer. "Hi There!" she uttered... I smiled at her...

Our story was not different from our classmates, communication builded up our relationship. We've got even closer as every minnute passes by. Every quizzes and every seatworks I'm always there for her... To help her out in every possible way I can. As months flew by, I planned to court her... But then... I guess I was too late...

She's been hanging out with my friend... Especially when goung out to lunch, I'm always left behind, again alone in this room of light.... I didn't know what to do.... Everytime I walk with her, he is also there too, the two of us always accompanied her everywhere. But I felt this wasn't right....I felt the negative vibes entering my innocent self... Yes, from that moment, I knew what I felt.... I felt jelous...

Quiet Again. sitting beside her... In this room filled with blinding light and only the sound of the air conditioner was our background music... I took a last glimpse of her... I know here in my heart. I will never forget that face. I will never forget this corner where we first met. As I took my last chance to touch her hair, I said to her... "Hey. I guess this is goodbye." She looked at with pure curiosity... I just smiled at her.

Just before the tears same out, my classmate came in laughing and yelling jokes. I know it will be hard for me to get over her... But looking at my classmates, I know I can do It, in never alone... I have them.

Thank You CBA, Thanks guys... Happy Vacation See you when I see you...

I'm so sorry... Really...

Broken Smile...

2006-10-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

Things will never be the same...

An agonizing pain woke me up this morning... My tooth is hurting badly because my Third Molar a.k.a. the Wisdom Tooth is growing... But this is different... From what I've heard... My third molar is not growing normally... It pushes my 2nd and 1st molars... I'm suffering from this pain for almost a year now...

I woke up crying from the pain... I immediately stood up and went to the computer area, where I saw my mom reviewing her lecture... (She's a dentist by the way... You must've heard her from the radio... Dr. Ma. Lourdes M. Coronacion D.M.D.) "Mom... I can't take the pain anymore..." I cried to her... I knew she felt my pain, so immediately went to the conclusion... "Anak, pabunot na natin yan..."

I never declined her offer... For she is a dentist, she knows what she's saying... I just told myself that this is much better than the other option...

Two options were given to me by my Mom... First is to wait for a certain dentist (I forgot the name, she is one of the professors of my brother in UE) who went abroad... For she practices "Root Canal"... This is the method of killing the nerves that connects the tooth... My mom told me that this is much painful than the other option which was... Yes... Pull of my 1st molar... I can't wait any longer for that dentist so I chose the 2nd option... I thought that it will be just like snapping my fingers... I thought that it will be less painful... But damn...

In UE, I can't speak... My tooth really hurt bad... But I never forgot to smile at my classmates... Maybe this will be the last time that they will see me smile... I skipped the Class Review that we planned and immediately went to my mom's clinic... I ate my lunch at McDo and consumed 2 medicines that my mother recommended... Pain Reliever I suppose...

As I was getting closer to the clinic... My heart starts beating louder and louder... Yes, I was nervous... This was the very first time I felt nervous in going to the clinic... I went in and my Mom's Assistants saw me... Seems like they were waiting for me all along... "Let's go?" one of them asked... "Let's do this" I answered...

Sitting in the dental chair... The first stage of the pain was implemented... She applied anesthesia on my gums... Imagine... 2 Times... I was pierced by a long syringe... Then I immediately felt the effect of it... My mouth felt numb... They gave me two stress balls on each hand and Immediately went to the process... They blindfolded me so I can't see what they are doing... Even with the blindfold on, I still can feel what they are doing...

I heard sucking sounds from a device... I didn't know what that was coz' my eyes were covered... Pain starts to build up... I uttered silent moans... Then it happened... One of them held my jaw to keep it open... The other one starts to pull off my tooth... I squeezed the stress ball as hard as I can... My whole body is shaking... I was screaming silently... Then it gets painful and painful every second... My scream is getting louder and louder.... Then I heard a crack... My tooth was pulled off... Still feeling the pain, tears starts to fall from my eyes... Crying silently... Wishing that this is all over...

I was wrong... "Meron pang naiwan... Onti na lang ok?" One of them uttered... Immediately hearing that, I squeezed again the stress ball... This time, it didn't help a lot... They pulled of the roots slowly but hardly... "AAAAAAARRRGHHH!!" If you are studying at FEU-NRMF, you must've heard my scream... I cried... I cried my whole heart out... Damn, this is more painful than being rejected by someone! This is more painful than being punched in the face! I felt like I was dying, It was like, million needles are piercing my gums... "Yan! Tanggal na... Tapos na..." Even though it's over, I can still feel the pain... Damn, I won't forget this day... Argh... I can endure every month of suffering from ulcer, but damn, this is intolerable...

Right now, I still can't look at the mirror... I'm scared to look at myself... I'm scared that I won't see that smile from me again... That smile that I'm proud of for 16 years... Damn... I hate to admit it, but I know I must... At a very young age... I'm wearing implants... Dammit...

As I type this, I'm constantly spitting blood... Damn... It hurts like hell... I don't want to go to the dentist again... Argh...

Thanks to Dr. Emma and Dr. Raine... And to my mom of course...

The Melodies of Life...

2006-10-09T00:11:00.000-07:00

The only thing that revives my broken soul...

Nang pinili ko ang career sa bowling, unti-unting naglaho ang isang bagay na napamahal ako lubusan... Nawala ang isang bagay na nagpapabuhay sa akin tuwing ako'y pagal at nanghihina... Nawala ang musika sa buhay ko... Oo, malungkot, malungkot na malungkot... Sapagkat wala na ang dating sigla tuwing ako'y kumakanta, nawala na ang sigla nang may mga kasamang sabay na sumusunod sa bawat himig ng gitara... Naiwan na lamang sa mga ala-ala...

Nung ako'y tumungtong ng kolehiyo, sinabi ko sa sarili ko... "Hinding hindi ako hahawak ng gitara, hinding-hindi ko sasabihin sa mga bagong kaklase ko na marunong akong tumugtog ng instrumento..." Ito ang ginawa kong "challenge" para sa sarili ko para malaman kung kakayanin ko bang mawala pansamantala ang musika... Matapos ang ilang linggo... Kinausap ako ng aking mga "NFF"... "Coronacion, marunong ka bang mag drums?".. Natigilan ako panandali... Mukhang... Mukhang ako'y natutukso... Hindi, ayoko, huwag! Haay, hindi ko napigilan... "Ah, oo, pero onti lang... Sa totoo lang, gitarista ako..." Yun ang lumabas sa bibig ko...

Inaya nila akong tumugtog sa isang studio na malapit sa UE, doon sa tinatawag nilang "bodega"... Noon lang uli ako nakahawak ng "drumsticks" matapos ang apat na taon... Nakakapanibago, sapagkat hindi ito ang "forte" ko... Tinanong agad nila ako kung alam ko ba ang ganito, ganyan... Ngunit ako'y umoo lamang kahit hindi... Dahil puro "punk" at "emo" ang kanilang binabanggit na kanta... Bago lang sa akin yon sapagkat ang genre ko talaga ay Rock, Acoustic, kumbaga... Rockoustic... Pero nakumbinsi sila ng mga kaklase ko na nagsilbing audience na tugtugin ay ang mga sikat na OPM pangkasalukuyan... At least, alam ko ang mga iyon kahit papano... Nung una, nagkakamali pa ako... Napapahiya ako sa mga kaklase kong, hayop sa galing mag gitara... Sinabi ko sa sarili ko.. "Nako, mukhang hindi kami tatagal..."

Nagkamali ako, nang tumagal, mas lalo pang lumakas ang samahan naming magkakabanda... Nagkasundo rin kami sa aming mga genre... Habang tumatagal, hindi na kami nagkakamali.. or rather, hindi na ako nagkakamali... Napraktis ako, kahit wala akong drumset sa bahay... Pero hindi pa ako "magaling"... "marunong" lang...

Akala ko, tuluyan nang nawala ang pinakamamahal kong musika... Akala ko, nawala na nang tuluyan ang bumubuhay sa akin... Pero, nagkamali ako... Hindi ko maiwanan ito, hindi ko makalimutan ito... Kahit sa sandaling panahon lang, pinipilit kong hawakan muli ang kasama sa bawat problema... Ang aking gitara... Masarap pa rin pala ang pakiramdam... Ang bawat pag strum nito at pag kinig sa bawat himig na lumalabas mula dito... Nakakakalma, matahimik...

Sa kabilang banda, ito rin ang natatanging daan upang malabas ko ang lahat ng sama ng loob naka ipit sa ikaibuturan ng aking puso... Sa bawat palo sa snare, clappers, hi-tom, mid-tom, floor-tom, cymbals at pag tapak sa bass drum... Sa bawat sigaw ng aking mga kabanda tuwing kami'y nagkakantahan... Sa bawat palakpak ng aking mga kaklase bilang pag pakita ng kanilang suporta... Napakasaya... Dito ko nararanasan ang pagiging malaya... Kahit isang oras lamang, kahit sa sandaling panahon lamang... Malaya ako... Kasama ng musikang pinakamamahal ko...

"Idaan sa musika ang bawat problema..." Ito ang lagi kong sinasabi sa mga kaibigan kong nawawalan na ng pag asa... Kahit sa maliit na paraan, sana ay makatulong sa kanila ito... Tulad na lang ng pagtulong nito sa akin...

"Aanhin pa ang gitara, kung wala nang pag-aalayan ng musika?" Ito ang inimbento kong motto... Haha! Medyo corny pero, iyan ang nararamdaman ko noon... Nawalan ako ng inspirasyon ika nga... Nawalan ako ng "urge" na gumawa muli ng composition... Pero mali pala ako... Nandyan naman pala si God... Saka niya ko na lang inalay ang bawat tugtog ng gitara ko... Sa kanya ko ibinigay ang bawat paghimig ko... Sa kanya...

Wyena... "The music that we shared together... Will forever play here in my heart..."

Moonlight Sonata...

2006-10-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

Night Sky... Moonlight... Stars...

The cold breeze touched my sleeping soul one morning... I woke up noticing the silence...It's so quiet... Very quiet... Immediately, after hearing the rooster cry, I stood up and sat at the terrace... There, I observed the rising sun... I envy the sun... For he rises every morning despite of the darkness that came before him...

As I was watching the sun, somebody covered my eyes... I touched the hands and felt that she was a girl... I can never forget those hands... Hands as soft as cotton, hands as lonely as the flowers around... A hidden smile was seen upon my face as I said... "Good Morning... Wyena..."

She slowly released her hands that covered my eyes, and gave me a soft embrace... Joy covered my while soul... My heart pounded hardly and I know she felt it too... "It's been a long time..." I gently whispered... "Really? I hardly even noticed!" she answered... Silence occupied the moment... The silence was deafening... I must break it...

"I Missed You..." we both whispered at the same time...

Then we walked at the seashore... As she was smiling, amazed at the beauty of Mother Nature... I was looking at her... Amazed by her beauty... The day passes by so quickly, but never did she released my hands... Our hands was one that day... I never wanted to let go... I want this moment to last forever...

The day turned into night... The winds were more colder than before... The moon shines her light very brightly... It was very beautiful... We stopped there for a while... Noticed the aurora... She smiled, very happily... "Beautiful" She said... "Yeah, very beautiful..." I gently whispered as my eyes gazed upon her... She looked at my eyes... Her eyes were shining... From that moment, I felt love from her... I felt love from her, once more... I felt the romance flowing around the cold air... As the howling winds shared its melody, and the moon was its main attraction... She sang to us her best song... As our eyes met that very moment... I slowly came closer, attempted to kiss her... She never rejected... Slowly... Slowly... Slowly... Then...

"OK! Pass your papers, finish or not finish!..."

I woke up...

_______________________________

Someone asked me before... "Where do you get your stories?", "Where do you get your inspiration?"

Well this is my answer... I dream of them... Just like this one... Inspiration? I don't have one at the moment... I dreamt of this story when I was sleeping on an exam... Haha! Maybe I miss Wyena too much... No... Not maybe... I really miss Wyena so much...

Hiding Behind a Mask...

2006-10-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

I'm an Actor, without his stage...

I'm not myself lately... The feeling of being alone is taking over my whole consciousness...

This letting go thing is making me crazy... Akala ko nung una, madali lang ang mag let go sa isang tao... For days now, I've been feeling some sort of "withdrawal syndrome"... Ewan... Siguro dahil, nasanay ako ng lagi siyang nariyan upang pasiyahin ako... Lagi siyang nariyan upang lambingin ako, yakapin ako... Lalo na ngayong umuulan na kailangan ko ng kayakap... Marahil ay hindi ko pa pala kaya na bitiwan siya... Marahil ay mahal ko pa nga talaga siya... Dahil kahit anong tanggi ang gawin ko, laging may ginagawa ang tadhana upang pabalikin ang mga ala-ala ko sa kanya...

Kahit anong gawin kong pagpapatawa, kahit ilang beses akong magpakita ng mga ngiti, lumalabas pa rin ang katotohanan... Hindi kayang itago ng maskara ang aking pighati... Marahil ay saya at tawanan ang ipinapakita ko sa labas... Pero naramdaman nila ang kalungkutan na ikinikimkim ko sa aking dibdib... Iba talaga kapag may karanasan kang umarte sa entablado... Alam mo kung papaano i-arte ang lahat ng bagay. Alam mo ang arte sa hindi na hindi nahahalata ng mga tao... Pero hindi ko akalaing pwede pala itong magamit sa totoong buhay..

Ang katotohanan ay lalabas din, kahit anong gawin kong pagtago... Hindi ko na kaya... Alam kong may problema ako, ngunit hindi ko alam kung ano ito... Hindi ko alam... Nasisiraan na ako... Wala lagi sa kondisyon, wala lagi sa pagkatao... Minsan masaya, minsan tahimik... Tulala sa kawalang... Tulungan nyo ako... Tulungan nyo akong hanapin ang problema... Tulungan niyo akong ibalik ang musika sa aking puso... Maibalik ang dating ako... Ang dating Icarus na nakilala niyo...

Kay sarap matulog... Matulog ng panghabambuhay... Humimlay sa malambot na kandungan ng inang kalikasan... Kasabay ng bulong ng kanyang amihan...

Kay sarap pagnilayan... Ang matatamis na pangakong iyong binitawan... Mga pangakong tuluyan nang napako... Sa silakbo ng kawalan...

Kay sarap manahimik... Manahimik panandali... Pag-isipan ang mga bagay-bagay, na gumugulo sa dibdib...

Kay sarap umupo... Kasabay ng mga ibong humuhuni... Sa sandaling pamamahinga... Doon ko nararanasan ang ligaya...

Kay sarap marinig... Marinig ang iyong mga salita... Bawat pangarap mo, at bawat banggit na mahal mo ako...

Sana lang totoo ang lahat... At hindi ako nananaginip... Marahil ang lahat ay bala't kayo lamang, at ang mundo'y nakatago sa likod ng maskara...

Sino kayang hahawak sa aking mga kamay? Sino kaya ang magbibigay sa akin ng bagong buhay? Ang bagong buhay na matagal ko nang pinangarap... Ang bagong buhay na matagal ko nang hinahanap... Sino kayang mag aalis ng aking maskara... Ang maskarang puno ng pagpapanggap at kasinungalingan? Sino kaya ang gigising sa akin... Gigising sa akin sa katotohanan? Sa katotohanang lagi kong tinataguan... Sa katotohanang lagi kong inaayawan.. Dahil alam kong hindi ikaw ang makikita ko roon... Gusto kong manatili sa pangarap na ito... Ang pangarap na ikaw lang ang katabi ko... Ang pangarap na tayo lang hanggang sa huling hinga ko... Ayoko nang hinaharap... Gusto ko lang ang nakaraan na... Ayoko nang matapos ang mga panahong iyon... Pero wala na akong magagawa... Nangyari na ang dapat mangyari...

Sino ka man... Sana'y tulungan mo akong makabangon... Makabangon sa panaginip na ito... Sana'y pag gising ko, ako ay yayakapin mo... Yayakapin mo ng mahigpit... Sapagkat sa bawat yakap lamang ako nabubuhay... Dahil sa bawat yakap, nararamdaman kong hindi ako nag iisa... Kung sino ka man... Sana magpakita ka na... Sana magpakilala ka na...

Umaapaw na ng pag ibig ang aking puso, na dapat ay nakalaan para sa kanya.. Ngunit sa sobrang pag taas nito, unti unti itong natatapon... Nasasayang lang... Iniwan ang puso kong punong puno ng pagmamahal sa yo... Ni hindi ka man lang kumuha kahit kakapiranggot lang... Ni hindi mo man lang ako sinubukan... Hanggang dito na lang ba? Dito na ba nagtatapos ang ating kwento? Ito na ba ang wakas?.. Sana ay hindi pa... Hindi pa.. Hindi pa...

Something Missing...

2006-10-01T01:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling 100% lately...

Why? Even I don't know... I dunno where to start looking for myself... And lost and I don't know why... It even affected my bowling... Maybe something is missing... Do you guys know what? Maybe I need something... Maybe I need time for something or someone... I had all the time I need... Sumobra na nga eh... But nobody even cared for me...

I think I know what is missing... Nawala na ung pakiramdam ko na "comfort". Nawala na ung feeling na inspired. Nawala na ung feeling na warm lagi... Nawala na ung feeling na mayroong isang someone diyan na sinusuportahan ka sa lahat ng gagawin mo... Everywhere I look, it's always the same... Damn...

I need someone to love other than bowling and myself... I need someone out there to care for me and support me in everything I do... I need someone who would be there kapag hindi ko na kaya... Handa silang ibigay ang kanilang balikat upang pagbalingan ng sama ng loob... I need someone... I need anyone... Damn, I need a girlfriend...

Set 1...

2006-09-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

Before reading any further... Read 1st the part 1 of this...

From this rate... I'm not gonna make it...

First day, first set... The venue was Greenvalley, Pasig... The venue was so damn big! I was mesmerized by its structure and the beauty of the lanes... But from the moment I entered its doors... My heart stared to beat violently... I was super nervous that time... But then, I still have to look cool... I started listening to my iPod to calm my nerves...

The rules were simple... Each set are composed of 10 games... The players have to finish all 5 sets in order to qualify (That's 50 games all in all...)... Another thing is... Average scores are observed... For females, they must at least have an average of 175... For males... Well, we must at least have an average of 185... That's too much for me... As in... I still have a problem dealing with my throws, and I'm not yet "one" with my ball... I still have problems dealing with my dear "cobalt" (the name I call my bowling ball...)...

"As soon as the pins are set and the lights are on, you may now commence your game... Goodluck to all and high scoring..."

Game started shortly when we arrived the building... The intensity went to the highest level when the "bigatin" players from different developmental orgs started to roll their first throw... Hearing thundering strikes from different sides of the building, made me more nervous... But then, it was my turn... I stood up and looked at the pins at the other side... Took a deep breath
and went on... A smile was seen upon my face when cobalt hit the pins... It made a very loud
thunderous strike... I was satisfied... Everything went as I want it too...

I spoke too soon... Habang tumatagal, nawawala... Tuluyan nang masira ang laro ko... Nothing is wrong with my throws... It's just that I'm too nervous that time... Nagmamadali na ako, ika nga... At nakakatakot din yung mga ka lanes ko dahil mga dati na silang national team members... Nakoh! Kung hindi lang sila magaganda! Woot! I'm thinking too much of my previous scores, kaya lalong nasira ang laro ko... At this rate... I'm not gonna make the tryouts... That's for sure...

After the game, I was really disappointed at my scores... I got an average of 156... I never even held the edge of the quota! Which was 185... Argh! Dammit... I guess I need more practice... Starting monday, I'm gonna work my ass of the whole day... Grr... I must make it! I must!!!

As I visited my blog, and looked at the number of comments... I was really upset... No one even bothered to say GOODLUCK! ~~damn~~... Dun na nga lang ako kumukuha ng lakas eh... Sa chamba... Tapos wala pa... Anyhoo... BUSY naman siguro kasi ang mga kapitbahay kong bloggers at hindi sila makadapo sa aking maliit na bahay... Pero salamat ng marami sa mga bumati sa akin ng goodluck... Para sa inyo ang laban na ito... Anna, Pam, Vinkz, at kay Kaye... Panawagan sa mga DUMADAAN LANG... Magbasa naman kayo... Argh...

Sorry 'bout that... I'm not really in the mood to blog right now... *hithit ng hangin..*

Tomorrow, we'll be playing at Powerbowl located at Rockwell Powerplant... The home of TBAM... You could call that our "Homecourt" aside from SM Fairview... I will try my luck there... Hoping I could raise my average even for a bit... I need your support again guys... Wish me luck! Aja!...

Maybe I missing something in my life... Maybe I want something... Damn... I need someone... I want to be inspired once more... *sigh* I need a girlfriend... Anyone? Hehe... Asaness pa ko...

The RP Bowling Team...

2006-09-29T18:16:00.000-07:00

This is it...

Starting today until October 21 will be the start of the Try-Outs for the Bowling National Pool... It will be a very busy week for me... Practices and stuff...

Hinahanda na ang mga kagamitan para sa nasabing Event... Lahat ng mga protective tapes ay sinisigurong maayos ang pagkakagupit... Ang alcohol, upang pamproteksyon laban sa mga sugat na aming matatamo... Ang mga bola na sinisiguradong malinis at walang bahid ng langis... At syempre ang sarili ko... Kailangan ko na ring maghanda... Sapagkat ito na marahil ang aking pagkakataon ko, upang mapabago ang ating bansa... Kahit sa maliit na paraan lamang... Kung ako man ay pumasa sa try outs, sisiguraduhin namin na gagawin namin ang bansang ito na matagumpay... We're going to make this country proud... Tulad na lang ng ginawa nila: Paeng Nepomuceno... Who scored a perfect game during his championship match, using a NEW ball... (On the spot, few hours before the tournament, he bought a new ball because his ball was cracked..)... Biboy Rivera... Who recently got the title of World Champion... Who also scored a perfect game during the championship match...

Someday, I will be just like them... Proud to be Pinoy, and an athlete of my Country... With determination and hardwork, I know I can do it... Pero hindi ko magagawa iyon kung walang suporta hindi ba?

Sa ngayon, saka na muna ang pangangarap na maging World Champion... Sa ngayon, kailangan ko munang mag concentrate para sa Try Outs... Sana walang mangyaring masama sa aming laro, at sana makuha ko kahit papano ang puwesto...

Mga ka blogmates... Ngayon ko na talaga kailangan ang Suporta ninyo... Sana ipagdasal ninyo ako at wag niyo akong iiwan sa ere... This is it... Ito na ang pagkakataon upang maipakita ko ang lahat ng napraktis ko... I'm gonna make you guys proud... Wish me luck!

Maraming salamat sa Inyo...

_________________________________________

Guys... My blogger friend is still in the Hospital right now... Suffering from dengue... Please isama niyo rin siya sa prayers nyo and let's hope she would get better soon... Thank you...

Until the sun sets and we say Goodbye...

2006-09-27T00:22:00.000-07:00

Maybe, you have read this story from me many times... I want to share it once more... So bear with me guys! heehee.. :) Seatwork namin ito noon sa English... Gusto ko lang i-share...

Darkness came, as it slowly blinds my eyes...

It was a silent afternoon, the wind was soothing as it cuddles my soul into this never ending feeling of peace... Everyone was taking their mid afternoon rest but I was not... Sitting in a cottage, I held my guitar; singing the songs you've been singin to me since the day we met... Hoping you could hear me and hoping you will sit beside me... I wasn't alone, for the birds were there to sing with me, but still... I'm still hoping it was you...

Somehow, I heard your voice... You called me, and waved your hands... You smiled, I too was smiling... I asked you to come sit beside me, you never turned down my request...

Now I sit here, looking at your eyes... Everything was spinning, the winds were smiling as they whispered to me the words that I should say to you... "Tell her! Tell her now!"... I only looked into your eyes, that magically brown eyes... As if the sun is rising in it... It was glowing, probably with happiness... I can see it through your every smile... Then you sang our song... That calming voice that soothes my tired and worried soul... I felt freedom... I felt freedom when I'm with you... This is what I truly wanted all along... I wanted you all along... To be here beside me, at our paradise...

You asked me to join you guys to go to the seashore... The day was perfect for a plunge... Of course I came along... But all I did was to watch you there... Every laughter, every smile you shared to your friends... I was envious back then, but you looked at me... Shared a smile... That was the most beautiful smile I have ever seen...

The sun was starting to say goodbye... The darkness was coming fast... But then you didn't move... "What's wrong? Come on, let's go..." I told you... Still you didn't budge... "Let us stay here for a while... I'm waiting for something..." Curious as always, I sat at the seashore with you...

I started to wander but it all worn off when you smiled and pointed at the horizon... It was a wonderful sight... The sun was starting to set... Slowly, it hides into the horizon, waving at us as it shared its light... We were glowing... I felt love in the air... I clinged into your arms as you held my hand at that moment... Then we shared our dreams, our inspirations, and our promise... A promise I will never forget... You and I, until the sun sets... You and I until darkness rules the world... You and I, forever...

The wind was getting colder as the moon started to show her face... But then you still didn't budge... You moved even more closer, you clinged harder to me... I can't move... I never wanted to move... I don't want the sun to set... I don't want you to leave my sight again... I don't want the past... I don't want the Future... I just want the present... The present to stand still... So I can be with you always... We looked at the heavens, the universe was with us... Clearly showing to us the love we had back then... I still love you... Before, now, and forever will be...

Goodbye, why does it have to end this way?

Goodbye, why do we have to walk away?

Goodbye, hold my hand and never let go...

Goodbye, Let me tell you that I love you so...

For one last time... One last time...

Until the sun sets, and we say goodbye...

-icarus05

Why are you still Haunting me?!..

2006-09-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to get you out of my life... Yet...

Bakit ganon? Pilit na kitang kinakalimutan pero lagi kang nagpaparamdam... Tapos na ang lahat... Hindi na maibabalik pa ang nakaraan... Oo, ginusto ko dating maibalik iyon, pero wala na talaga, naglaho na nang tuluyan... Kelan mo ba ko lulubayan? Move on... As I do too...

Harsh ba? Ewan... Yan nararamdaman ko ngayon matapos kong malaman na ginagamit niya ang pangalan ko... As E-mail address... Ano ba dapat kong maramdaman? Hindi eh.. Hindi ako flattered... Medyo nakaka... nakaka ano.. ewan.. GRRR!!!! Hindi ko alam kung ano bang mararamdaman ko... Haay... Basta...

Sorry for the lame post... Naglalabas lang ng sama ng loob... Ang susunod na mababasa ay kailangan ng patnubay ng magulang...

PUNYETA! ANAK NG PAKSHET! AMPOTANESS! Bakit ba kailangan pang gamitin ang pangalan ko?! Ang tagal na non, nakalimutan ko na iyon... Pero, ayan ka nanaman, bumabalik... Ayoko na... Nagsinungaling ka sa akin... Nagsinungaling ka... Ilang beses mo akong pinaiyak, ilang beses mo akong binalak na iwanan nung tayo pa... At ngayon, nagpaparamdam ka na? Ano ba... Ang gulo... Tama na... Magulo na lablayp ko, pwede ba... Ayoko nang may dumagdag pa... Haay... Masyado nang magulo ang buhay ko... Ni wala na akong panahon para sa sarili ko... Tama na, ayaw na kitang masktan pa... Panahon na para umalis ka na sa anino ko... Panahon na para mag move on ka... Hindi lang ako ang lalaki sa mundo, marami pang iba jan na mas deserving sa pagmamahal mo... Wala akong kwenta... Napahamak ka lang dahil sa akin... Nagulo lang ang buhay mo dahil sa akin... Bakit ba? Ano bang meron sa akin at di mo ako maiwan-iwanan?..

Siguro, matapos niyong basahin ito... Iba na ang magiging tingin niyo sa akin... Ang maskara ng love life ko... Tuluyan nang nababasag... May masaklap akong nakaraan... Ayoko nang ikwento pa, baka hindi ko na kayanin at magwala nanaman ako tulad ng dati... Nawa'y intindihin ninyo ang kalagayan ko... Siya ang girlfriend ko dati... Mag iisang taon na din kaming hiwalay, pero ewan ko... Hanggang ngayon daw ay may pagtingin pa siya... Ayon, ginamit pa ang pangalan ko sa email address niya... Iyon lang naman ang kinagagalit ko eh... Ewan ok ba, sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, may nararamdaman na akong takot sa kanya... Kakaibang takot... Ewan, takot na ako sa bawat tingin niya, takot na ako pag naririnig ko ang boses niya... siguro takot na akong masaktan muli, takot na akong saktan siya...

Ngayong nakahanap na ako ng iba, panibagong buhay na ang kinakaharap ko... Pilit ko nang binabago ang sarili ko... Pilit ko nang binabago ang asal ko... Salamat sa kanya, natuto na ako... Salamat sa kanya, nalaman ko na ang dapat na gawin...

Masaya na ako... Naka move-on na ako... Sana ikaw rin... If you really love me, then please, let me go... Hangad ko lang naman ang kaligayahan mo... Marahil ang kaligayahang hatid ko sa iyo ay pansamantala lamang, alam kong, nariyan lang siya upang ibigay sa iyo ang kaligayahang tunay mong hinahangad... I'm really sorry... Tandaan mong, lagi kang kasama sa bawat panalangin ko... Thank you... Thank you for the memories...

lame post... Basahin niyo na lang ung last post ko... This is pure nonsense...

For the Love of the Game...

2006-09-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

I love this game...

You guys probably know what game I'm talking about here... Yes... Bowling...

This is the only sport I excel in... Believe it or not... I have the height for basketball yet, I don't know how to dribble... I have the speed for volleyball yet, I don't know how to set a game... I'm not "buff" and I admit, I have weak arms... But still, bowling changed my life...

I started playing this sport when I am in 3rd year Highschool... That was 2 or 3 years ago... Those were the days when our family play the game together... But it seems those days are gone now because of busy schedules... Anyway... From the moment I played it, I immediately fell in love with it, I don't want to stop... Kung hindi lang mahal 'tong larong 'to malamang nasa bowling center na ako magdamag! I joined in some bowling clinics / lessons which I met our coach, Mon Camba and her wife, Cristie Camba... Coach Mon is a very quiet person, but I can see he is dedicated in teaching us how to play... After few months, Coach recommended us in a PBC Developmental Club... Which was TBAM or Tenpin Bowling Association of Makati... Me and my sister joined in some tournaments but won nothing except for experience of course...

Then comes 4th year Highschool... As some of you guys know, lumipat ako ng school, I studied at my father's hometown which is Infanta, Quezon... My bowling days stopped for 1 year... I lost my play and I missed many experiences... After a few months, I learned from my dad that my sister was "discovered" by a National Team coach, kaya ngayon, nasa Developmental Pool siya ng Team Philippines... I was so envious back then but also happy for my sister for making it... You guys probably saw the Article of Philippine Daily Inquirer which featured the Philippine National Pool, my sister was there...

Now, I returned here in Manila, and I told myself... It's now my turn to shine... This June, nag praktis ako ng nag praktis, umaasa na sana bumalik yung dati kong laro... Matagal tagal din akong hindi nakapaglaro at medyo sablay na ako... But then, coach was still there, he helped me cope up with everything I missed... And he brought a friend... He owns AD-Style Signages Mktg... Their company makes all the signages of all SM Malls all over Philippines... Even those major shops inside of it... For example na lang ay yung malaking SM sa labas, sila gumawa non... From the moment I heard this, I can say, sobrang yaman niya, at talagang maimpluewnsiya... He saw us playing, and offered us a sponsorship... Of course we accepted it... That's why I've been busy this past few weeks, it's because of our MWF training, and tournaments every saturday...

Tinanong ako ng kapatid ko kanina, kung gusto ko raw bang mag Try-Out para sa National Team... Siyempre, pumayag ako! It will start this coming saturday... Sana lang makuha ako... And ang kapatid ko... If we make it, I'll promise that I will make this country proud... Pero medyo nakakainis din dahil, hindi sikat ang Bowling sa Pilipinas... Kung manalo man kami sa Mundo, walang pakialam ang masang pinoy... Dahil mas abala sila sa paghihintay ng panalo ni Pacquiao at pag gawa ng banderitas para sa kanyang Victory party...

Marami akong natutunan sa larong ito... This game requires a lot of DISCIPLINE! Dapat cool lang lagi at wag mainitin ang ulo... Pag madali kang magalit, then this game is not for you... Although kung gusto mong magbago ang trait mo na iyon, then you must try this sport... I learned lately that this game is a Mind Game... Yep, a mind game... For those guys who think that ang bowling ay isang pisikal na laro dahil sa dapat gumamit ng puwersa sa pagbato ng bola, then your wrong... Mas mind game pa siya kaysa sa Chess believe it or not... Dahil kung ikukumpara sa Chess, sa chess may kalaban ka, strategies are made para manalo ka sa opponent mo... Pero sa bowling, ang kalaban mo lang ay sarili mo... Dahil, kapag nagalit ka na o nainis o napikon... Wala na... Sira na ang laro mo... Kapag na mental block ka na at di na alam kung san ibabato ang bola, wala na... Sira na ang laro mo... Oo, ito ang problema ko... Madali akong mainis, this goes to show na talagang kailangan ko pa ng practice...

Hindi maalis sa isipan ko ang mga katagang binanggit ng asawa ng aming coach sa akin... "Huwag mo na isipin ang nangyari na, wag mo nang isipin ang huli mong tira, isipin mo ang susunod at siguraduhin mong mataas ang magagawa mong score..." Kung inyong pagninilayan, applicable siya sa totoong buhay.. Hindi lang sa sport na ito... Huwag isipin ang nangyari na... Magsumikap at tumanaw ng magandang buhay sa hinaharap...

I really hope I can make it to the try-outs... Pray for me, and wish me luck...

Random...

2006-09-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by: Rob

INSTRUCTIONS:

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

Parokya ni Edgar - Ted Hannah
Rocksteddy - Smile at Me
Urbandub - Endless, A silent whisper
Urbandub - New Tatoo
Moonstar 88 - Sayang
Moonstar 88 - I'm Sorry
Moonstar 88 - Panaginip

Marami pa akong kinagigiliwan ngayon, lahat ng nakasalampak sa iPod ko... Pero kailangang sundin ang patakaran.. Pito lamang...

Alam kong marami ang busy ngayon... Maski ako... Kaya wala na lang akong itatag... Kung gusto niyo siyang gawin, malaya kayo sa inyong nais! :)

Bukas na lang ako magpopost ng matino... Iisip pa ko! hehe..

____________________________________________

Tutal, Musika na rin ang pinaguusapan... Nakita ko to noon sa blog ni Karla... Kaya tinry ko...

MECHANICS:
Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is cheating. no cheating, please.

Put your answers / guesses at the comment box! Wag sa tagboard! hehe...

~~1.Habulan! Taguan! sa munting paraiso'y magmahalan...~~
Sayang - Moonstar 88 ... Karla

~~2.If you choose to stay with me, I'll spend my life with you...~~
If - Rivermaya ... Karla

3.It's not how I planned it... I got the keys to the door, but it just won't open...

4.Kung kailangan mo ng mahihingahan, at wala ng ibang matatakbuhan... Narito ako, handang makinig sa iyo...

5.In every breath and every word I hear your name calling me out Out from the barrio, you hear my rhythm on your radio You feel the turning of the world so soft and slow Turning you round and round...

6.how can i make u feel, that i want to hold you near... ache to feel ur hand caress my soul...

~~7.Handa nang tawirin, handa nang harapin ang mundo...~~
Gising na - Rocksteddy ... Karla

~~8.Di ko nga alam, kung bakit ganito... Inaaway kita pero sinusuyo... Siguro ganyan talaga, magmahal ng sobra...~~
Pasensya na - Moonstar 88 ... Karla

9.Ikaw lang ang matayog na bituin, Ikaw lang ang nais kong abutin...

~~10.nagmamasid ang mga mata, sa iyong kinalalagyan... Ba't di kaya tayo gumala, trip mo bang sumama?~~
Trip - 6Cycle Mind ... Karla

~~11.Once around the floor can we do it again?~~
Endless, A silent whisper - Urbandub ... Karla

12.Ngunit bakit ngayon? Malamig na bigla, magdamag nasa tabi mo, wala mang lang Hello... (Ouch)

~~13.The stars are bound to die, it all makes no sense, i can't take the chance, i don't want to see you go...~~
Close to the End - Mojofly ... Karla

14.I’d rather it be me In this tragic comedy... I’m glad you’re not here

15.Kung hindi tapos paano na? Nawalan ng kuryente, tunaw pa ang kandila... Sana bumagyo... Sana walang pasok bukas..

16.I doubt in your wounds, forgotten many times, my Lord I'm sorry I question you every night...

17.Dito kami sa bayan ko, tuloy ang ligaya... Kahit walang panggastos sumasabog sa saya!

18.We like our fun and we never fight, You can't dance and stay uptight... It's a supernatural delight...

~~19.I had it all, memorized the lines in my head... Thinking I'd be winning your smile, once again...~~ I'm Sorry - Moonstar 88 ... Karla

~~20.Ngiti ko ang iyong dala, langit ko ang iyong kandungan... Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka...~~
Taning - Imago ... Karla

Our Last Anniversary...

2006-09-18T00:41:00.000-07:00

The Rain Falls Heavily Tonight…

I’m standing here, beyond the clouds… As cold winds touched my skin… I’m searching for you behind the horizon… Through the birds I send my message… I want to say I’m sorry but I don’t know how… It’s been weeks since I’ve been apart to you, even though I’m here in paradise, I can’t help but cry… The rain continuously falls down, it seems that it felt my feelings; the clouds joined me as I cry out loud…

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

I woke up one morning, the sun was shining brightly that it blinded my sleepy eyes… I was smiling, very excited… For that day was our anniversary… I had been planning this day since the day we’ve been together… I got up, took a bath, ate my breakfast and got on to my motorcycle for a stroll outside…

Messages from you occupied my cellphone, but I didn’t answer. You’re starting to get angry, but I didn’t mind… For I didn’t want to be disturbed, I don’t want to spoil the surprise…

As I rode my motorcycle, I really can’t tell what I felt, it seems like someone’s watching me… I felt uneasy… Although I didn’t mind it, for it may distract my momentum. I was getting closer and closer to your location, my heart starts beating faster and faster… After a while, a familiar face is now visible… It was you standing there, waiting for me patiently, your face was shining and your eyes were sparkling… You were beautiful that day… I felt love in the air; I felt love as I came closer to you… I’m falling in love with you all over again…

You greeted me with a kiss, “Let’s go?” I asked… you just nodded your head, rode in my motorcycle and took you to this place… But as we rode through our destination, I felt a sudden urge of discomfort… I felt nervous… But it all faded away when you hugged me tightly and whispered words of love at my ear...

As soon as we arrived, it was already nightfall… The scene was perfect; the view here is magnificent… Just like before… “What are we doing here?” you asked…

“Don’t you still remember?”
“Remember what?”
“This place… This is the very same spot where I met you…”
*A soft smile was visible upon her face… She was blushing…*
“Yes… I remember now… But why here?”
“Because, this is the place where I fell in love with you… One year has passed since then, but I want to start again here, this place is special to me, for this is the place where I met you... And this is the place where I will ask you...”
“Ask what?”
“My love, will you grow old with me?”
“Seriously?”

I gave her a ring and it slowly placed it to her finger, she smiled as tears fell from her eyes… She hugged me right away… Crying out loud… I felt it, she was happy… Very happy, as I was too…

“Don’t ever be afraid ok? Remember no matter happens, I will always be with you…”

We went home as soon as the sun shown its glory… We were happy as we rode down the long and winding rode… I wasn’t feeling very easy… I heard voices calling me… And it seems that someone is watching me from afar… I knew there was something wrong… I knew that something will happen… But I didn’t expected it to be this early… My heart was beating faster… I’m losing my mind… But then you hugged me tightly… For a short while, I felt eased…

I knew she felt it, we were driving very fast… She was afraid, shouted every second of our trip… I told her not to be scared; I gave her my helmet and went on…

All of a sudden, it all happened… It all happened so fast… My motorcycle went out of control, for one last time, I took a glimpse of her… “I love you… I’m sorry…” I whispered…

I’m here, watching you from afar… You still can’t get over it… You never stopped crying… And it tears me apart… Then God stood beside me… He asked me about something… And I answered him honestly… He then nodded his head with agreement… Suddenly, the rain stopped… He whispered words of hope unto my ears…

“My child… Go to her… Make her happy once more…”

The next thing I knew... I am back in that place again... I'm looking at the magnificent view when you sat beside me... Kissed me and said...

"Good Morning honey..."

The Hymn of the Tree...

2006-09-16T01:04:00.000-07:00

The night was ours...

The stars are shining brightly that night, you clinged into my arms and I held your soft hands... Seems the two of us never wanted to let go... I really don't want to let go... I don't want this night to end...

Under a tree we lie down, looking at the stars and counting them as the universe blanketed us with its infinity... A cold breeze caressed us, carried us and made us fly, fly high in this night sky... I was smiling, and you are too. We never thought that our lives will be as good as we dreamt it to be... To think that, in this place... In this place, it all started...

I was trying to find a perfect spot that day, so I can lie down for a while and take a rest... While I was walking around this large garden near the seashore, I heard a voice... A lady's voice... It was the most beautiful hymn I had ever heard in my entire life.. She was singing, singing her heart out... Although, I felt her feelings, she was sad that time... I moved closer, is it probably because I want to hear more? is it probably because she is beautiful? or is it because, I want to help her? Whatever the reasons may be... I made up my mind...

She was sitting in this large tree, a tree that seemed to stood there for almost a century now... It was a very nice spot for a rest, but it became perfect when I met her there... I came closer and gave her a flower... The most beautiful flower in the garden, next to her... She smiled as tears fell from her eyes... She murmured her first words to me... "Thank you so much..." "Thank you for what?" I asked curiously... Then she pointed me the flower I gave... I smiled gently at her... As easy as that, I've fallen in love with her... Slowly, she came closer, I got the chance to know her more... We became closer to each other... But then the day has to end so sudden, the sun wave its hands to us, as he descends from the heavens unto the never ending horizon... We watched him, amazed by his beauty... I looked at her eyes... It was sparkling, probably because of the light that the sunset shared to us... But it was different... Somehow, I felt her feelings again... She was happy, contented... I don't know why...

Everyday, as I go to this place you're always there, the only difference is, you don't sing those sad songs anymore... Every melody of your song, I felt your joy, every words you utter always makes me smile... Everyday, we grow closer to each other, we were in love... And I had this feeling of gladness that I wouldn't wanted to take away... But what if she leaves? Just like that?.. I don't want her to leave... Never...

Time flies so fast, when I'm with you... Seems like the sun is always running ang making way to the moon... Day turned into a night... But this night was different... I felt strange...

The stars are shining brightly that night, you clinged into my arms and I held your soft hands... Seems the two of us never wanted to let go... I really don't want to let go... I don't want this night to end... Then she uttered again those words... "Thank You" she said happily... "Thanks for what?"... I asked... She brought out the flower that I gave her when we first met... "Thank you, for this..." ... "You already thanked me... No need..." ... "Thank you too, for coming into my life..." She said... I Just smiled embraced her and suddenly she closed her eyes took a nap on my shoulder... She was very peaceful, then a small mark of smile was visible upon her face...

I slowly opened my eyes... To my surprise, she was not there... Nobody was there... I looked at the large tree that was in front of me... The tree moved slightly as if it was waving at me... Nothing really happened... It was only a dream... But then again... It felt so real... I looked at the tree once more... And to my amusement... The tree was not old anymore... It was blooming with flowers around it... I moved closer... And was shocked by the object that I saw... I saw a... I saw a tombstone... With her name, written all over it... Tears flowed from my eyes... Then I looked at my hands, and saw something peculiar... I'm holding a flower...

I closed my eyes for one last moment...

Smiled gently and offered the flower to her...

Somehow... Maybe somehow...

I am satisfied...

The Taste of Love Part3...

2006-09-13T00:26:00.000-07:00

There and back again...

Nabuhayan ako at muling ginananahanng maglaro, dahil nandoon kang muli upang sumuporta... Nandoon ka muli upang magbigay ng masasarap na meryenda, nandoon ka muli... Ang inspirasyon ko sa bawat bato ng bola...

Ngunit wala pa rin akong magawa, hindi ko pa rin masabi ang aking tunay na nararamdaman sa iyo... Ewan, natatakot talaga ako... Iniisip ko na baka hindi mo ako tanggapin, dahil mas bata ako sa iyo... Masakit man sa akin, pinili ko na lang manahimik... Minahal kita ng patago... Minahal kita, pero hanggan saan naman kaya ito tutungo?

Isang gabi, muli ka nanamang nawala, hindi nanaman ikaw ang naka assign sa stall... Hinanap kita sa mga staff doon, ngunit hindi rin nila alam ang iyong daliang pagkawala... Wala na akong nagawa, bumili na ako ng Ice Coffee at ng dalawang donut at dumerecho na sa lanes upang makapaglaro...

Lumalalim na ang gabi, pagod na kami ng kapatid ko sa paglalaro, alas nuebe na noon, at pasara na ang mga tindahan sa loob ng mall, pati ang nasabing food stall... Minasdan kong mabuti ang pagsara ng stall, umaasa akong baka makita kitang muli, bago man lang kami umuwi... Tama ang hinala ko... Naroon ka, nakaupo katabi ng kaherang nakaassign sa araw na yaon... Naka sibilyan ka at naka make up... Nagulat ako, dahil unang pagkakataon ko pa lang siyang nakitang naka suot ng ganoon... Iba, nagmukha siyang mas bata... Lalong naging blooming ang kanyang mukha... Maganda... Sobrang ganda... Ngunit wala akong nagawa... Minadali kong niligpit ang gamit ko, binuhat na ang 14 pounds na bola at tumingin muli sa istall... Habang pinupunasan ang aking bola, nakita kitang tumatakbo, tila nagmamadali papalabas... Sinundan kita ng tingin... Ako'y nabigla sa aking nakita...

Ika'y lumapit sa isang binata... Matipuno ang pangangatawan at totoong kagwapuhan... Niyakap mo ito at binanatan ng halik sa pisngi... Hinawakan niya ang kamay mo at dalian nang umalis... Dahan dahan kang nawawala sa paningin ko... Papalayo sa damdamin ko... Naglalaho na lang bigla sa puso ko... Napatayo ako ng matagal, muntik nang bumagsak ang hawak kong bola... Buti na lang at ginising ako ng kapatid ko sa bangungot na ito... Ginising niya ako... Wala na akong nagawa... Wala na talaga... Niligpit na ang gamit ko... At umupo panandali... Nag iisip, at napaluha ng kaunti...

Nariyan na ang aming sundo... Palabas na sana ako nang makita ko siyang nakaupo sa mga bangko sa loob... Tinawag ko siya... Tumingin siya sa akin, ngumiti at kumaway...

Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang kumaway na rin...

Paalam, paalam...

Muli nanaman akong naiwan...

Sa mundo ng pag ibig na aking kinatatayuan...

Kailan na bibitawan, ang bigat na aking pasan?..

Iyon na pala ang huli kong kaway sa kanya... Iyon na rin ang huling pagkakataon na makikita ko siyang ngumiti... Ayon sa bagong kahera, na assign ka na raw sa iba... Hindi sa ibang stall, ngunit, sa ibang mall... Hindi na pala talaga kita makikita... Hindi na...

Wakas...

The Taste of Love Part2...

2006-09-11T07:02:00.000-07:00

I didn't saw it coming...

Araw-araw ng aming pagbalik sa bowling center, siya lagi ang una kong hinahanap... Lagi akong bumibili sa kanya, mapa donut o Ice coffee man iyon... Kung baga, ako ang nag iisa niyang suki... Ako lagi ang pumapakyaw ng kanyang paninda... Ginagawa ko iyon para lang mapalapit at makausap siya...

Di nagtagal, naging malapit kami sa isa't isa. Nakakabiruan ko na at open na kami sa isa't isa... Pero hindi ko pa rin sinasabi sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko.. Ewan, hindi ko alam kung papaano... Bawat strike na nagagawa ko, lagi siyang pumapalakpak. Bawat kapalpakan naman na ginagawa ko, lagi niyang sinasabing "Ok lang yan!". Ginaganahan ako, na maglaro araw-araw... Napakagaling niya, ewan ko ba kung anong meron siya... Grabe, ang bilis kong nahulog sa kanya...

Habang lumilipas ang panahon, bihira ko na siyang makita... Hindi ko alam kung bakit... Isang araw lumapit ako sa kanya... Luhaan siya habang nagbibilang ng kinita... Tinanong ko siya kung bakit...

"O, bakit ka umiiyak?"

"*sob* I-aasign na daw ako sa main store..."

"O, ayaw mo non? Mas malaki kita mo..."

"Oo nga, pero ayoko doon! Marami na akong kilala dito, masaya na ako dito"

"Ganun ba, bakit hindi mo iyan sabihin sa kanila?"

"Ayoko nga, baka sabihin nila ang demanding ko..."
"Kesa naman sa hindi ka masaya sa trabaho mo diba?"

"Oo nga... Ewan, bahala na..."

""Haay.. Hayaan mo, bibisitahin kita araw-araw sa main!"

"Haha, ok lang! Kahit wag na..."

"Asus! Hehe, sige, pagbili na lang ng donut, libre kita :P"

"Salamat..."

Lumitaw ang ngiti sa kanyang labi, at nag punas siya ng luhang unti-unti nang nalalaglag... Marahil ay napasaya ko siya, marahil din ay hindi... Pero isa lang ang nagpabagabag sa aking damdamin... Paano na ako makakalaro ng maayos? Kung wala na siya para suportahan ang bawat bato ko? Kung wala nang pumupuri sa akin tuwing nakakstrike ako? Kung wala na siya, wala na sa piling ko...

Lumipas ang panahon... Nawalan ako ng ganang maglaro... Iba na ang nakikita ko sa counter, isang magandang dalaga rin ngunit, It's not the same... Hindi ko nararamdaman ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya... Nasira ang laro ko...

Araw-araw, pagkagaling sa eskwela, dumadaan ako sa main shop, ngunit hindi ko siya nakikita, bawat Donut stalls sa buong mall pinupuntahan ko, wala talaga siya... Hindi ko na siya nakikita... Marahil ay hindi na muli pa... Hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kanya... Paano na?

Lumipas ang ilang buwan... Pumasok ako ng Bowling Center... Hindi na akong nag abalang tumingin pa sa stall, dahil alam kong hindi ko naman siya makikita... Binulungan ako ng aking kapatid... "Kuya, bili mo ko Ice Coffee..." Nakasanayan na namin ang bumili nito, nung siya pa ang kahera... Binigay niya sa akin ang pera, lumapit ako sa istall sinabing, "Pabili nga pong ice coffee..." Habang binibilang ko ang aking dalang salapi... "Anong Size?" nagulat ako... Pamilyar ang boses na iyon!.. Tinignan ko... Tama ang hinala ko... Siya nga! Muli kaming nagkita... Matagal na nagkatinginan ang mga mata...

To be continued...

The Taste of Love...

2006-09-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

Every bite I make, I think of you...

Isang boring na araw ang naganap... Wala talagang magawa no'n, ni walang palabas sa telebisyon, ni walang malaro sa playstation... Nakakatamad, nakakaantok, pero ayokong matulog... Inaya ako ng kapatid kong mag bowling para naman daw may magawa kami... Agad naman akong sumangayon... Wala na rin akong praktis at talagang nakakatamad na sa bahay...

Dumating kami ng bowling center, pare parehong mukha pa rin ang nakikita ko... Wala pa ring pagbabago... Pero may napansin akong bago sa paningin ko... Ang dating plain na bowling center, ngayon ay mga maliliit na food stalls na... Mas gaganahan na akong maglaro niyan dahil may pagkain na sa paligid... Habang ako'y nagmamasid, mayroon akong napansin... Hindi pagkain, kundi isang tao... Isang dalaga... Nandoon siya, nag seserve at nagtitinda sa isang food stall na nabanggit... Kakaiba ang naramdaman ko no'n... Para bang, bigla akong nagutom, at hinihila ako ng katawan ko papunta sa food stall na iyon... Tumingin sa akin ang dalaga... Nakangiti siya at tila namumula... Nginitian ko lang din siya sabay sabi niyang... "Good Afternoon sir! Ano pong order nila?"... Tulala lang ako kanyang kagandahan... Hindi ako makagalaw... Tapos, napansin kong kinakawayan na niya ako... "Sir... Ano pong order nila?" *chuckles*... Tulala pa rin ako, pero nagawa kong ituro ang aking gustong bilhin... Tumawa lang siya, agad niyang kinuha at ibinigay sa akin... Inabot ko ang bayad ko, at biglang napahaplos ang kanyang malalambot na kamay sa aking kamay sabay sabing... "Thank you sir! Come Again!"... Oo, talagang babalik ako... Umupo ako isang bangko at kinain na ang binili kong Strawberry Filled Donut... Sa mahilig sa donut, marahil ay alam niyo kung gano kadungis ang pagkaing ito sa bibig... Dahil sa pagmamadali ko at medyo nahihiya ako, nakalimutan kong humingi ng tissue... Pero di ko napansin na wala pala akong tissue na dala... Kain lang ako ng kain, sabay ng nanakaw ng tanaw sa kanya... Pero napansin kong medyo tumatawa siya, lumingon ako para umiwas, marahil ay nakita niya akong tumitingin sa kanya... Nang sumulyap muli ako, nawala siya sa stall, hinanap ko siya... Hinanap ko... Nang biglang may kumalabit sa likod ko... Agad akong lumingon at nagulat sa nakita ko... Nasa harapan ko siya, nakangiti... Sabay may inabot sa akin... "Sir, Tissue po oh..." OH MY GOD! Iyon na lang ang reaksyon ko, ngumiti lang siyang muli, sabay naman ang daliang pag punas ko sa aking bibig na punong puno na pala ng puting pulbo na galing sa nasabing donut... Ngumiti ako at agad na tumalikod at tumakbo na sa Lane namin... Tawa lang ako ng tawa at namumula... Pero, iba... Ang saya...

To be continued...

Unusual?..

2006-09-08T00:51:00.000-07:00

Being in love, in an unusual way...

Have you ever been in-love? Though you're never sure if its right or not?

Have you ever been in-love? Though you're afraid to tell her, coz you don't know how?

Have you ever been in-love? Even though you know it's wrong?

Have you ever been in-love? Of someone you never thought you'll fall to?

Have you ever been in-love? Even though, you haven't met each other yet?

Have you ever been in-love? To a fellow blogger?...

False Alarm...

2006-09-07T06:56:00.000-07:00

I'm getting paranoid...

I don't know why, but I think I'm getting paranoid this past few days... As you guys can see... Di ko alam... Siguro talagang namimiss ko lang siya... Mali naman pala ang lahat ng hinala ko... Tama palang busy lang siya. Wala naman akong magagawa kung wala siyang oras, basta alam kong maayos siya, ok na sa akin yon... Pero ewan ko kung bakit nagiging paranoid ako... Feeling ko, napaka possessive ko... Para bang wala akong tiwala sa kanya... Bakit ba? Alam ko, wala naman akong karapatan... Ewan... Tulad nga ng lagi kong sinasabi... "It's not that I don't trust her... I just don't trust them..." Magbabago na ko... Dapat isipin ko na lang ang mga positibo... Isipin ko na lang (at gawin na rin) na mahal ko siya... Iyon ang totoo... At hindi na iyon magbabago...

Sorry sa short post... Hehe... Bukas ako babawi... Isa nanamang series... Ahihi! Inspired eh! Abangan niyo yun guys!

Iboto naman sana natin si Karlaloveschocolate para sa Filipino Blog of the Week... She really deserve the title! Thanks Guys!

Never Ending Rain...

2006-09-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

When will be the next sunshine?

Everyday passes by so quickly, but I didn't mind... I just I didn't mind the fact that every single moment wasted, I'm going crazy... Every moment passed, slowly kills my soul... But I didn't mind... Everyday, there's always tears, leaving my eyes... Althought I didn't mind... I never mind at all...

Oo, wala akong pakialam kung ano man ang mangyari sa buhay ko... Wala akong pakialam kung ano mang mangyari sa hinaharap... Wala na akong pakialam sa mundo... Dahil, wala na siya para paikutin ito... Pero kanina, nagising ako sa tunay na mundo, nagising ako na wala sa aking sariling paraiso... Panahon na para bumangon ako sa totoong buhay... Hindi lang sa pangarap na iniikutan ko habambuhay... Nagkaroon na ako ng pakialam... Nang magising ako, wala na ang lahat sa akin... Sirang-sira na pala ang buhay ko, ngayon ko lang namalayan... Sirang-sira na pala ang mundo ko, puno na ng basura, at maraming butas na dinadaluyan ng sandamakmak na dugo... Gumising ko, hindi namamalayan na wala na pala akong dadatnan... Bakit ganito? Anong ginawa ko sa buhay ko?

Pero, gising na ba talaga ako? Ewan... Hindi ko rin alam... Mayroon pa ring parte ng puso ko na naghihintay pa rin sa pagbabalik niya... Maayos pa rin ang espasyo niya sa aking puso, bulaklakin at dumadaloy ang musika, habang ang espasyo para sa sarili ko ay puno na ng mga bungo at kalansay... Ang tanga ko... Bakit ko pa hinayaan ang sarili kong magunaw na lang basta? Nang dahil lang sa isang tao? Parang hindi ako ito ah... Para akong gago... Nagpaka gago... Umasa sa wala... Putang ina! Sana, tinuloy ko na ang balak ko noong magpakamatay... Tutal sinimulan ko na rin noon, hindi ko pa tinapos... Bahala na kung san ako mapadpad... Sa langit na wala naman siya, o sa impyerno kung saan nababagay ang mga tangang katulad ko... Bahala na... Bahala na...

Unti-unti nang dumudulas ang kaluluwa ko... Wala nang kakapitan, wala nang hahawakan... Sino pa kaya ang sasalo sa akin? Aasa pa ba akong siya ang hahawak sa kamay kong unti-unti nang dumudulas? Unti-unti nang nauubos ang dugo sa aking puso... Aasa pa ba akong darating siya upang hilumin ang mga sugat nito? Sa tingin niyo... May pakialam pa ako? Fuck! Do you think I care anymore? Fuck! Sige na, hayaan mo na akong maglaho sa lagusang iniwan ko... Asa pa akong pipigilan mo ako...

Aanhin pa ang gitara, kung wala nang pag aalayan ng musika... Thank you God... *Sign of the Cross*

Connected Decisions...

2006-09-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

Finally, after some time, natapos din ang layout ko, pero wala namang masyadong nag bago... Inspired by Final Fantasy 8, at Dirge of Cerberus ang tema ng captions... First time ko kasing gumamit ng Flash, at medyo nalilito pa ako sa Photoshop... Sana magustuhan niyo, from blogskins parin yan, pero balang araw, gagawa din ako ng sarili kong layout... That's it for now... Thanks nga pala kay Karla sa tulong, siya gumawa halos lahat ng ito, kung hindi dahil sa kanya, hindi ito matatapos... Salamat talaga ng marami! Balang araw, makakabawi din ako sa iyo... Nominado nga pala siya, Nawa'y suportahan niyo siya tulad ng pagsuporta niyo sakin noon! Salamat! Dito kayo bumoto.

They are connected, somehow...

Medyo konektado ito sa post kong Twisted Decisions... Matapos ang ilang linggo, ito na ang naging desisyon ko... Maayos naman ang kinalalabasan...

Decision no. 1
Bowling Sponsorship... Tinanggap ko ang offer ng Ad-Style Signages Mktg. Kasama ng kapatid ko, officially sponsored na kami nito... Marami na rin kaming pinasukan na tournaments, at nanalo pa ako sa isa! First time kong sumali ng tournament, champion pa, salamat naman at nasa side ko ang chamba!.. Enjoy naman ako dito, medyo nawawala pansamantala ang mga problema ko, tuwing naglalaro ako nito... Marami na rin akong nakilala dahil sa larong ito, sana tuloy tuloy ang enjoyment na ito...

Decision no. 2
Music Career... Hindi ko pa rin tinalikuran ang Musika, kahit hindi na ako masyadong nakakagawa ng kanta ngayon (hindi inspired), nagkakaroon pa naman ako ng oras na makipag jamming sa mga classmates ko sa kolehiyo, may balak din kaming sumali sa Battle of the Bands sa UE sa Foundation Day nito ngaung setyembre... Pero mahirap pa rin talaga ang walang sariling instrumento sa bahay, hindi ako nakakapraktis masyado (drums)... Balak ko nga sanang gamitin ang perang maiipon ko sa mga panalo (kung meron man) ko sa bowling tournaments pang bili ng drumsets at ng kung anu-ano pa... Yun ay kung suswertehin at kung papahintulutan ng aking mga magulang...

Decision no. 3
Blogging... Need I say more? I won't leave blogging! Pero, medyo hindi na ako nakakapost ng madalas tulad ng dati, dahil sa bowling training... Kasama kasi iyong sa offer ng sponsor, libreng laro, libreng training, libreng practice... Time consuming nga pero nakakahanap pa naman ako ng panahon sa blogging... Thanks nga pala ulit sa mga sumuporta sa akin sa Filipino Blog of the Week noon! Sana suportahan niyo naman ang aking kaibigang si Karla, I think she really deserves the title, ang laki kasi ng natulong niya sa akin... Sa iba't ibang aspeto, I really want to return the favor... Sana tulungan niyo ako...

Decision no. 4
Love life... Hmm, sa ngayon, naghihintay pa rin ako... If you guys still remember, nagtatanong ako dati kung anong magandang iregalo sa kaniyang kaarawan... Medyo hindi natupad ang nasa imagination ko, pero buti na lang at to the rescue ang aking ama... Bumili siya ng Cellphone na 6600 ata ang model... Iyon na lang ang niregalo namin sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung nagustuhan ba niya, dahil ayon sa aking ama, gusto daw niya itong ibalik... Ewan ko kung bakit... Kaya ngayon, medyo nakakausap na kami ng madalas... Kaso tuwing may load lang siya, ngayong busy nanaman sila, hindi na rin siya masyadong nagpaparamdam... Ayos lang naman iyon sa akin, basta alam kong ligtas siya... Tama na muna ang kaartehan ko, kailangan din namang pagkatiwalaan ko siya... Tsaka, kung ano mang ginagawa niya, wala akong karapatang hadlangin ito... Hindi naman kami diba? Kapal naman ng mukha ko kung ganoon... Nag fe-feeling ika nga... Kaya heto pa rin ako, naghihintay... Sana, bumalik na ule ang inspirasyon ko para makagawa muli ako ng mga awiting para sa kanya...

Nagsisimula pa lang ang lahat... Marahil ay marami pang mangyayari sa hinaharap... Hindi natin alam kung anong mangyayari... Bahala na ang Diyos sa atin, siya lang ang tanging nakakaalam ng daan na dapat nating tahakin... "It's for him to know and us to find out" ika nga... Bahala na... Idaan sa musika ang problema...

Still, waiting in vain...

2006-09-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I wish I could just sleep myself to death...

Lately, I've been starting to wonder, if she really loved me before... If she really love me at all... Gulong gulo na ang utak ko, I've been searching for answers, everyday, every hour, every minute, every second... I'm starting to feel the insanity taking over my entire mind...

I haven't thought myself lately... All I ever thought of was being with her, seeing her once more, seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, hearing her sing, and hearing her speak... Even just a little hi... Damn, maybe I really just miss her so much, but... It's not normal anymore... I'm being careless, I'm broken all over, I can't even think of a decent post! And my english grammar really suck! So I'm gonna speak tagalog now...

Ewan ko ba, sirang sira na ang ulo ko... Sirang sira na ang katawan ko... Sirang sira na ang puso ko... Sirang sira na ang kaluluwa ko... Sobrang baliw na baliw na ako... Bakit?! Ganito ba talaga kapag todo ang pagmamahal na ibinigay mo sa isang tao? Nawawala ka na sa sarili?!

For weeks now, I'm not myself, para bang naliligaw ang tunay na katawan ko sa kadiliman... Parang patay na ang kaluluwa ko at isang empty shell na lang ang nakikita ngayon ng mga tao... Baliw na baliw, walang pakialam sa mundo... Dead man walking... My relationship with my friends was affected, I rarely talk to them this past few days... Even my grades are all crap! My midterm grades went down all at the same time, wala na lang akong ginawa sa eskwelahan kundi tumunganga... Pati pamilya ko nadadamay na sa problema ko... Nag away nanaman kami ni kuya kanina, mejo nagtatampo ang aking itay dahil sobrang baba ng iskor ko sa bowling kanina... I haven't talked to my mother for quite some time now... Ewan... Sirang sira na ang buhay ko...

I was so frustrated with my performance kanina sa bowling... Parang hindi ako ang naglalaro... My average fell down from 170+ to 140+... Last month lang, ang ganda ng scores ko, nag champion pa nga ako sa isang tournament... Hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit... Bakit ba lahat apektado? I even blamed my new ball for not giving me the scores I want!!! Kanina sa sobrang frustration, I threw the ball so hard... So hard that my arms may come off any moment... Sa sobrang lakas, nag snap ang wrist at ang joints ng aking elbow... Doon ko kanina nilabas ang lahat ng galit ko... Kung buhay lang ang bola ko, marahil ay kawawa siya, marahil ay naramdaman niya ang galit ko... Pagkatapos naming maglaro, I sat there for a while, pumikit ako, sumigaw at bigla na lang napaluha... Ubos na ubos na ang luha ko... Sobra...

Right now, I have an injury in my elbow, my biceps hurt like hell, tumataba na ang fingers ko dahil sa maga, I have a huge callous on my thumb, and my head hurts so bad... P*ta! ANO NA ANG NANGYAYARI SA AKIN?!!?!?! Ano na ang nangyayari sa atin?!

Lagi na lang pumapasok sa isipan ko ang maraming tanong... Pero isa lang talaga ang umiikot sa aking puso... "Minahal ba talaga niya ako noon? Minahal ba talaga niya ako? Kung oo, mahal pa kaya niya ako ngayon?" sabi nga nila, take the risk if you want something to be achieved... Pero mukhang di ko kakayanin ang magiging sagot niya kung sakali... Ayoko na ng ganito... Hindi ko na kaya ang maghintay pa... Hanggang kailan pa ba niya ako pahihirapan ng ganito?

Alam na ng buong mundo kung gaano ko siya kamahal, alam na ng buong ankan ko ang lab story ko... Siya kaya? Alam ba niya kung gaano ko siya kamahal? P*ta! Hindi pa ba obvious?! Ganito kita mahal! Pinapatay ko na sarili ko sa kaiisip ko sa iyo! Pinapatay ko na kaluluwa ko sa kakahintay sa iyo! Pinapatay ko na ang damdamin ko sa pag aasang mamahalin mo din ako... Oo, baliw na baliw ako sa iyo!

Summer is here, I'm still waiting there...

Winter is here, I'm still waiting there...

It's your love that I'm waiting for...

It's my love that you're running from...

How long should I wait in vain for your love?!

The Solitary Minstrel...

2006-08-31T03:35:00.000-07:00

All alone... Alone in the world...

I woke up, it was already 5:30, and I'm late for school... I noticed, the room was empty... It was very quiet, the silence was very deafening... Bumaba na ako ng hagdanan upang kumain na at maligo... Naghanap ako ng mga tao, ngunit wala talaga... Nakakatakot... Nakakakaba... Ako lang talaga mag isa... Umalis na ako ng bahay at dumerecho na sa eskwela...

I came to school, nakakapanibago... Walang tao sa paligid ko... Bakit kaya? Hindi ko maintindihan... Walang mga estudyante sa corridor, walang staff na nakakalat sa campus... Wala... Nakakatakot... Nakakakaba... ako lang talaga mag isa... Dumerecho ako ng com lab, sa 6th floor... Walang tao sa elevator, kundi ang nag kukuntrol doon, ng makarating ako... Sa wakas nakakita din ako ng kasama... Nandoon ang mga kaklase ko, nakaupo, naghihintay... Napangiti ako dahil sa wakas ay nakarinig ako ng ingay sa paligid... Pero, ewan ko kung anong humila sa akin... Tila may isang pwersa ang humila sa akin papalayo sa kanila... The next thing I knew, nakaupo na ako sa hagdanan patungong 7th floor, kung saan wala talagang katao-tao... Umupo ako... Tumunganga sa kawalan, sinusundan ang pagdaloy ng hangin... Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko... Bakit ba ako nagkakaganito?

Mga limang minuto akong walang kibo, hindi talaga nagsasalita... Bigla akong may narinig na boses mula sa aking kaklase... "Guys, nakita niyo ba si Chabs? Bakit wala dito?.. CHAAAABBSS!!" Ngunit hindi ko lang ito pinansin... Ewan... Ayoko talagang gumalaw... Wala akong lakas, gusto ko lang mapag isa... Matapos ang ilang segundo, narinig ko ang mga hakbang niya, papalapit sa aking "tinataguan", "Sabi na eh, nandito ka lang... Bakit? Ano problema?"... Sinamahan lang niya ako, nagusap ng heart to heart... Gumaan panandalian ang pakiramdam ko... Ang saya... Pero, pagkatapos ng aming paguusap, bigla rin siyang tumahimik... Tila may iniisip, doon ko naramdaman, hindi pala ako nag iisa... May karamay ako sa problema...

Buong araw, hindi talaga ako nagsasalita... Ewan ko ba kung anong problema sa akin... Natapos na ang school ours... Nagcommute ako mag isa... Tapos, lahat pa ng nadadaanan ko puro magkasintahan, tila nang aasar nanaman ang tadhana... Nakakasawa na talaga... Ayoko na ng mag isa...

Dumaan muna ako ng SM para maglibot, at para na rin mapawi ang init ng panahon na dumikit sa aking katawan... Mas marami pa akong nakitang magkasintahan sa nasabing mall, kaya't lalo kong naramdaman na ako talaga'y nag iisa... Nag iisa sa mundo... Hindi na kinaya ng damdamin ko... Dalian akong tumungo sa gate at lumabas na... Uuwi na sana ako ng bigla kong nakita ang napakagandang paglubog ng araw... Tumigil ako, hinayaan ko lang ang mga tao na daanan ako, tumayo ako at tinignan ang nagpapaalam na araw, kinuhanan ko pa nga ito ng letrato bilang ala-ala... Habang tinititigan ko ang araw, nag iba bigla ang paligid, tila isang computerized hologram ang lumitaw... Ang parking lot na nakikita ko ay naging malawak na dalampasigan... Ang dalampasigan na pinangarap kong mapuntahan muli... Doon sa dalampasigan, may nakita akong dalawang tao, nakaupo katabi ng umaalon na dagat... Magkahawak ang kamay at hinihintay ang paglubog ng araw... Tumulo na lamang ang luha ko... Pumikit ako panandalian... Pag dilat ko, nawala na ang dalampasigan, bumalik na ang parking lot, ang araw ay hindi na rin tanaw, maliban na lang sa naiwan nitong sinag... Napansin ko rin na pinagtitinginan na ako ng mga taong dumadaan... Ngumiti lang ako, nagpunas ng luha at dumerecho na sa aking patutunguhan...

Hindi maalis sa isipan ko ang nangyaring yaon, pagbabalik tanaw, parang totoo... Hindi ako makapaniwala... Habang naglalakad ako, biglang may nangyaring kakaiba... Tila naamoy ko ang kanyang pabango, binabalot ako at parang may nagbubuhat sa akin... Ang gaan ng pakiramdam ko noon... Lumilipad ako... Hindi ko na lang namalayan, nasa bahay na ako... Ganun lang kabilis... Tila wala ang utak ko sa mundo... Tila naiwan ito sa dalampasigan... Sa aming sariling paraiso... Pumasok na ako ng silid ko, humiga muna at nagpakasenti... Nagulat ako ng biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko, perstaym na may mag text sa akin sa araw na yaon, pag tingin ko... Pangalan niya ang nakita ko... @-)

"E Secc Oui... Maraming salamat po sa lahat... Salamat talaga..."

Nagulat ako, biglaan... Pero ang saya talaga... Sobra... Wala nang pangamba, wala nang kaba, ngayon ko naramdaman, na hindi pala talaga ako nag iisa...

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Mga kabloggers, nagbalik na pala ang isang blogger na naghiatus din ng matagal na panahon... Dating si iamthebestpolicy... Bisitahin natin siya at muli natin siyang I-welcome sa blogosphere! http://aincuo.blogspot.com/

A letter for her...

2006-08-29T01:04:00.000-07:00

Sa paglipas ng panahon, ikaw pa rin ang nasa isip ko...

Wyena,

Una sa lahat... Nais kitang batiin sa iyong kaarawan... Tumatanda ka na! Haha! So make sure that every moment and every minute is meaningful... Wish you all the happiness in your life, all the wealth, all the knowledge, all the luck, and all the love...

Habang dumadaloy ang panahon... Marami akong napansing pagbabago... Mga pagbabagong hindi ko masasabing matutuwa ako o maiinis... Ewan ko ba... Hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko... Alam ko naman ako rin ang may kasalanan kung bakit ganito na lang ang pagtrato mo... Dahil sa sobrang paglulong ko sa pag-aaral ko at sa career, hindi na ako nakakauwi sa ating paraiso upang ika'y mabisita... Ni hindi na kita nakakausap dahil tuwing online ka, lagi akong wala... Nais ko sanang iparating sa iyo, ang aking taos pusong paghingi ng tawad... Patawad sa lahat ng pagkakamali ko... Patawad sa lahat ng pagkukulang ko... Patawad sa lahat... Sana, nasa makita mo ako ngayon... Sana kasama mo ako ngayon, luluhod ako sa harapan mo upang malaman mo kung gaano ako ka sincere... I really want to make it up to you... Ikaw lang magsabi kung ano... Hihintayin ko, kahit gaano man ito kahirap, gagawin ko...

Naalala ko pa noon, malinaw pa sa akin ang kahapon... Hindi ka na maalis sa isipan ko... Hindi ko alam kung papaano... Ikaw ang nagpapagalaw sa akin, ikaw ang nagbibigay sa akin ng lakas upang bumangon muli ako kinabukasan... Sa pagpupursige ko sa paghintay sa iyo, sa pag isip na ako'y may mapapala rito, sa pag aasang matuloy muli ang naudlot na istorya, lalo akong ginaganahang magpadaloy ng bawat minuto ng aking buhay... Oo, hanggang ngayon, naghihintay pa rin ako... Ang bilis talaga ng panahon ano? Apat na buwan na pala akong naghihintay, naghihintay sa katuloy na pahina, naghihintay sa bagong umagang kasama ka, naghihintay sa iyo, naghihintay sa iyong "oo"... Baduy na kung baduy, pero ito lang ang tanging alam kong paraan upang maipakita sa iyo ang aking nararamdaman... Tulad nga ng lagi kong sinasabi, "I don't want to make the same mistakes over and over again..."

Pero sa kabila ng lahat, nais ko pa ring magpasalamat sa iyo... Salamat, sa lahat... Sa inspirasyon, sa pagmamahal, sa pagtitiwala... Sa bawat araw na kasama ka, sa bawat araw nung ako'y maligaya pa... Marahil ay sawa ka na sa pagbanggit ko nito... Maghihintay pa rin ako sa iyo... Only God knows how much you mean to me... Bahala na kung anong mangyari sa hinaharap... I only want the present... The present to stand still... Para lagi na lang kitang kasama...

Bakit ba ang dami ko pang sinasabi? Eh isa lang naman talaga ang nais kong iparating... Mahal kita... Sana malaman mo... Iyon ang totoo...

Muli, ako'y bumabati sa iyo at sa iyong kaarawan... Happy Birthday!!!

Nagmamahal,

Chabs...

Sana nga lang mabasa niya... Pero asa pa ako...

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Sorry Guys, i've been busy this past few weeks... Hindi na ako makaupdate ng madalas... Ito lang ang pumasok sa isip ko... Hehehe... Medyo baduy, pero pagtiisan nyo na lang... Hehe... Salamat nga pala sa mga bumoto sa akin, sa mga sumuporta... Salamat talaga ng marami...

Til' They Take My Heart Away... Part 8...

2006-08-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

Tunay nga bang walang himala?..

Nagising ako lulan ng FX sa mahabang highway ng Quezon Avenue... Excited na ako, dahil manunuod ang aming Theater Group (SIKAT) ng isang pagtatanghal ng PETA. Isang linggo ko rin itong pinakaaabangan, dahil tiyak ko na mabubuhay nanaman ang pag ibig ko sa teatro, at siyempre... Nanduon siya, manonood...

Isang gabi nakausap ko siya sa YM... Tinanong ko kung sasama ba siya paluwas upang manuod ng palabas, ang sabi niya, hindi raw siya sigurado... Kaya nag dadalawang isip ako kung tutuloy ba ako o hindi... Hindi na ako mapakali, sobrang dami nanamang negatibo ang pumasok sa isip ko... Pero nagulat ako ng biglang nag text sa akin ang kanyang kuya... "Tol, magsisimula na, 10 mins na lang daw bilisan mo!"... Sampung minuto na lang... Pero nasa kalagitnaan pa lamang ako ng Quezon Avenue, mukhang hindi na ako aabot... Maulan pa man din at di ko dala ang payong ko... Sobrang gahol na gahol na ako... Sampung minuto na lang, magsasara na ang pinto na nagbibigay ng daan upang makita ko siyang muli...

Ng makarating ako sa kanto ng QC Sports Center, kumaripas ako ng takbo... Nakipag patintero sa mga sasakyan at nakipag ilagan sa mga nalalaglag na butil ng ulan... Sobrang bilis ng aking pagtatakbo, hingal na hingal na ako, pero hindi ko ito pinansin... Limang minuto na lang... Makakahabol pa ba ako? *biglang tumunog ang kantang Himala ng Rivermaya sa aking iPod*

"Himala, kasalanan bang humingi ako sa langit ng isang himala..."

Sa wakas, nakarating ako sa PETA Theater Center... Basang basa, hingal na hingal, ni hindi makapagsalita... Sinalubong ako ng aming adviser at ng kanyang kuya... Nagmamadali... Pagpasok namin ng teatro, saktong saktong patay ng ilaw at pagkanta ng National Anthem... Sakto... Hinanap ko siya, pero hindi ako nagpahalata... Nakita ko siya, nasa dulo, katabi ng pinsan ko... Sayang, kung nakarating lang ako ng mas maaga, sana katabi ko siya... Tanga!! Tulad nga ng sinabi ko, hindi natupad ang mga plano ko... Hindi ko siya nakatabi... Haay, tadhana nga naman... (Next post ko ikukwento yung Palabas ng PETA na Walang Himala... tignan niyo na lang dito...)

Matapos ang palabas, hinintay ko siya sa labas ng teatro, tumambay muna sa isang pamilyar na hall na dating klasrum namin noong summer workshop... Andaming sumalubong sa akin na ala-ala, mga ala-alang kasama ko siya... Haay... Nakita ko na silang isa isang naglalabasan, nang makita ko siya, hindi na ako kinabahan, ewan ko ba, mukhang malakas na ang loob ko ngayon... Pero hindi nanaman niya ako pinansin... Dinaanan lamang niya ako at dumerecho na sa bilihan ng pagkain... Inaya ako ng mga kasama ko na mag picture picture, pero sa lahat ng mga kuha nila, hindi ako makangiti... Sobrang na gulantang ako sa naging reaction niya... Ni hindi man lang siya tumitingin sa akin... Kaya't agad akong gumawa ng action... Bahala na kung ano ang kalalabasan... Nilapitan ko siya kaagad at sinabing, "Wui, bat di ka na namamansin ha?"..."Aba, ako pa ang di namamansin ah..." Matapos niyang banggitin ang mga katagang iyon, dalian siyang umiwas sa akin, at naglakad papalayo... Na "sense" ko ang galit mula sa kanyang puso... Na "shock" muli ako sa kanyang sagot... Hindi ko maintindihan... Sobrang natigilan ako, naiwan ako doon, sugatan at nag iisa... *sinuot ko ang iPod ko at tumugtog ang Hiling ng Paramita...*

Handa na akong palayain ko...

Kung ito ang iyong hiling, gaano man kasakit sa akin...

Ibibigay sa yo...

Ang tanging pakiusap lang...

Wag mo akong kalimutan...

Nanlalamig na ba ang pag ibig mo sa kin?..

Inaya nila akong kumain sa KFC, nag dadalawang isip pa ako non, di ko alam kung sasama ba ako o hindi... Ayoko na uli mapahiya... Sobra sobra na ang panghihirap na ginagawa niya sa akin... Pero sa huli, di pa rin ako nakatiis, sumama na ako... Dahil nagugutom na rin ako... Sa KFC, habang kumakain, napansin ng mga kaibigan ko na tulala ako at hindi nag sasalita, kumakanta mag isa... Kaya naman lumapit sila at nagbigay ng kanya kanyang simpatya... *Sinuot ko muli ang aking iPod at tumugtog ang Til' They Take my Heart Away ni Kyla... Tadhana nga naman...* Habang nakikinig sa musika... Paunti unti akong sumusulyap sa kanya... Isang beses, nahuli ko siyang nakatingin din sa akin, dalian niyang iniwas ang mga mata niya sa akin... Napangiti lang ako panandalian...

Tapos na kaming kumain, ngunit hindi pa rin niya ako pinapansin... Lumapit ako sa kaibigan ko, niyakap ko siya at tinanong...

"Bakit? Bakit ganito? Ano bang nangyari sa amin? Bakit ganito nangyayari"

Pilit man siyang nag hanap ng positibong sagot pero wala na siyang nagawa kundi ngumiti at maawa sa akin... Sumakay na sila sa sasakyan upang dumerecho na pabalik ng Infanta, tulad pa rin ng dati, hindi siya nag paalam, ni kaway man lang wala... Hindi ko maintindihan talaga... Sobrang paluha na ako... Pero pinigilan ko ito... Ayokong makita niya akong ganon...

Umandar na ang sasakyan, nakatayo lang ako sa mga anino ng KFC, kumakaway na parang wala nang bukas, hinanap ko kung saan siya nakaupo, at napansin kong bukas ang bintana sa likuran, nanduon siya, kumakaway sa aming mga kasama... Inisa isa niya ang mga kasama ko... Nung papalayo na sila, nagulat ako ng bigla siyang tumingin sa akin, kumaway at kumindat...

Pero hanggang ngayon, naipit pa rin ang tanong sa aking isipan... May puwang pa ba ako sa puso niya?

"Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought!"

-A Cinderella Story

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Salamat po sa mga bumoto sa akin... Salamat sa suporta at sa tiwala... Mahal ko kayo...

Til' They Take My Heart Away... Part 7...

2006-08-21T06:52:00.000-07:00

Bumalik na ako ng paaralan upang ituloy ang naudlot na selebrasyon... Hindi ko na pinansin ang nakasulat sa cellphone, marahil ay hindi niya naman ito mapapabasa dahil lagi siyang wala sa eksena...

Una kong pinuntahan ang dedication booth na nasa itaas ng building, upang makibati at upang magkaroon ng magandang view, at madali ko siyang mahanap... Tumingin ako sa paligid, wala talaga siya, naisip ko na baka hindi pa siya nakakarating o nasa loob lang siya ng isang booth... Wala akong ginawa... Umupo lang ako doon, dinamdam ang malakas at preskong hangin, wala na akong pakialam, gusto ko nang matapos ang araw na ito para ako'y makauwi na ng maynila... Naisip ko na sayang lang naman ang pinunta ko dito, kung hindi ko rin siya makakausap...

Ako'y na "bore" kaya ako'y pumunta muli sa band, upang makijam at puntahan na rin ang aking adviser... Kinausap kong panandali ang aking guro... "O, ano? Kamusta naman?... "Eto, di pa rin po niya ako pinapansin..." ... "Baka busy lang! Hayaan mo muna..." Hayaan ko muna... Hayaan ko muna... bahala na... Pagtingin ko sa pinto ng booth, kumalabog ang dibdib ko, malakas ang kutob kong nandoon siya sa loob... Kaya hindi agad ako pumasok... Kundi, dahan dahan kong binuksan ang pintuang magdadala sa akin sa isang madilim na silid... Tulad nga ng aking hinala, nakita ko siya sa loob, hawak ang gitara, tumutugtog sa harap ng maraming tao... Kinabahan ako ng bigla kong napansin na nakita niya ako... Dalian kong sinara ang pinto at napatulala panandali... Tumingin sa aking guro at umupo muna sa tabi niya upang makahinga ng malalim... Matapos ang ilang minuto, lumabas siya sa silid... Nagmamadali, tila ako'y iniiwasan... Nagulat na lang ako ng biglang bumanat ang aking guro ng... "O, Hindi mo man lang ba papansinin ang Kuya Chab?!" ... Matapos ay, tumingin siya sa akin, ngumiti at kumaway... At bigla ring umalis... Tumingin ako sa aking guro na may halong paghanga at pasasalamat... Ngumiti lamang siya at ako'y kinindatan... Pumasok na ako sa band, parang walang nangyari...

Habang tumutugtog sa banda, sinabi nila na kailangan na raw ilabas ang mga instrumento, at tutugtog na raw ang band ng live sa school grounds... Dalian akong tumayo, at kinalas isa isa ang drumset... Dinala ito sa labas at sinet up... Pero wala pa rin siya... Ang dami nang naghahanap sa kanya dahil siya ang expected na tumulong sa pag aayos ng mga instrumento... Hindi ko na ito inintindi, sa halip ay tinuloy ko lang ang pagaayos at pagtotono ng mga instrumento... Nang matapos ay umalis na ako sa eksena... Balak ko na sanang umalis sa eskwelahan, kunin ang gamit ko at lumuwas na ng maynila... Pero nagdalawang isip ako... Isa na lang ito, tapusin ko na kaya... Pinanuod ko tumugtog ang band... Inakala ko pa naman na siya'y kakanta... Pero ni tumugtog ng gitara hindi niya ginawa... Ngumiti lang ako... Matapos nilang tumugtog, umalis na ako... Nagmamadali... Hindi na ako lumingon, ayoko na... Baka lalo lang akong malungkot kung makita ko siyang tumalikod at maglakad papalayong muli... Inaya ko na lang ang kaibigan ko na tumugtog sa isang studio...

Matapos naming mag Jamming, lumabas kami ng studio, madilim na pala... Di ko namanalayan ang oras... alas Syete na ng gabi... Nakalimutan kong may Bible Study pala tuwing byernes... Pero malamang ay tapos na iyon, pero hinanap pa rin namin ang Venue ng bible study, nagbabakasakaling makita ko muli siya doon... Pag dating namin doon... "O! Kuya! Ba't ngayon ka lang?! Tapos na!" ... "Ah! Sorry! Nag Jamming kasi kami eh!" ... "Ah! Ganun ba... Eh kuya, wala na siya dito, umalis siya kaagad eh.."... Naka alis na pala siya... Wala akong nagawa kaya umalis na rin ako at nagbalak nang umuwi... Hinatid na ang kasama ko... Nakita ko ang pinsan ko, tinanong ko sa kanya, kung pinabasa ba niya yung mensaheng ginawa ng aking tita... Ang sabi niya, Oo daw... Lalo tuloy akong kinabahan... Lalo akong nawalan nang pag-asa, malamang hindi na niya ako papansinin... Nawalan na ako ng gana... Umalis na lang ako, nagtungo sa aming dating tahanan, nag iisa, sugatan ang puso, walang kasama, madilim ang paningin, malungkot, nagdurusa, nananaghoy, naghihinagpis, walang muwang, walang kibo, tulala, walang magawa, pagal, walang kwenta, patay...

Habang ako'y naglalakad, tumingin tingin ako sa paligid, nang madaanan ko itong Internet Cafe na ito... May nakita kasi akong pamilyar na tao na talaga namang nakapag bigay sa akin ng atensyon... Tama ako... Siya nga iyon, hindi ako pwedeng magkamali... Tila tapos na siyang mag internet at nagbabayad na lamang... Hindi ako sigurado... Pero hindi ko na ito pinansin... Tinignan ko na lamang siya habang ako'y papalayo... Nang ako'y mga dalawa o tatlong talampakan na ang layo, nagdalawang isip ako... Kakausapin ko ba siya o magmumukmok na lang sa isang tabi? Huminto lang ako sa tabi ng street light at nag muni muni... Wag na lang... Yun ang pumasok sa isip ko... Luluha na sana ako ng biglang nakita ko siya na lumalakad sa tabi ko...

"O, San ka pupunta?" (Pabulong)

"Ako? Uuwi na ako Maynila... Ikaw? San ka pupunta?"
"Ah, mag iinternet lang kami... Ingat ka ha..." (Pabulong muli)

"Ah, sige... Bye!"

Iyon lamang ang aming usapan... Nasa kanto na kami, ang "crossroad" na magpapahiwalay sa aming muli... Pakanan siya, pakaliwa naman ako... Nang ako't makarating sa kanto, tumigil ako at nagisip... Marahil ay ito na ang huling pagkakataon na makausap ko siya, kung hindi pa ako gagawa ng aksyon... Bahala na! Torpe! layuan mo muna ako! Kahit ngayon lang!...

Lumingon ako, at hinabol siya... Tumakbo ng mabilis, tumakbo papalapit sa kanya... Sinurpresa ko siya, inakbayan ko ang kanyang braso (di ko alam sa tagalog.. Yung parang ineescortan ung muse... Get the picture?) at hinawakan ang kanyang kamay ng mahigpit...

"Hi! Musta?"

"Ok lang ako..." (Pabulong)

"May itatanong lang ako... May pinabasa ba sa iyo yung pinsan ko?"

"Huh?! Wala!" (Pabulong)

"Ows, wala daw..."

"Oo nga! Wala siyang pinabasa..." (Pabulong)

"Sige na nga, sabi mo eh... Bat di mo nga pala ako kinikibo?"

"Oo nga! Tignan mo nga oh, di nga ako makapagsalita... Di nga ako nakakanta sa band kanina eh!" (Pabulong)

"Ah! hehe.. Ganun!... Sige, mauna na ako... Gabi na eh... Ingat ka.."

"Ok! Sige, Babershk!" (Pabulong)

Kaya pala, siya pala'y paos... Umalis na ako at naglakad papalayo... Madilim na ang paligid, wala talagang makakakita na ako'y nakangiti... Hindi na ito mapawi... Ang saya ng pakiramdam kung lalakasan mo lang ang loob mo... Sobra... Napuno muli ng pag-asa ang aking puso...

Now we're stronger than before... We've made it through...

I've never felt more sure, because of you...

Sana ay muling matuloy...

Til' They Take My Heart Away... Part 6...

2006-08-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

Finally, a smile from my lips...

Patungo na ako sa aking alma mater para umattend ng celebration ng "Feast Day". Habang papalapit na ako, kumakalabog na ang dibdib ko... Maraming pumapasok na negatibo sa aking utak, marahil ay hindi ko nanaman siya makausap dahil baka tamaan nanaman ako ng pagka torpedo... Bahala na, sinabi ko na lang sa sarili ko...

Lunes pa lang, excited na ako sa araw na ito... Hindi na ako mapakali, gusto na laging matapos ang bawat araw at bumilis na ang oras... Excited na akong makita siya... Hindi ko pwedeng palagpasin ang araw na ito, dahil nag promise ako sa kanya noon na pupunta ako sa feast day para tulungan siya... Marahil ay kahit sa maliit na paraan, makapaghatid ako ng ginhawa at onting ngiti sa kanyang labi...

Dumating na ako ng paaralan, nakita ko ang maraming banderitas na nakasabit, mga batang naglalaro, at mga estudyanteng nagsisigawan... Naririnig ko na rin ang malakas na dagundong ng musika, at ang malakas na tugtog ng banda... Lalo tuloy akong na excite... Dalian akong pumasok sa gate ng gusali, nagulat ako sa mga sumalubong sa akin... Ang mga kaibigan ko sa lower years, nagsitakbuhan at sinalubong ako ng mga yakap at halik... Kahit sinong madaanan ko, kinakawayan ako at tinatawag ang pangalan ko... Maski ang "dedication booth" ay nagbigay ng parangal sa mga alumni ng dumating, pero ako'y na "special mention", magandang simula, sana magtuloy tuloy...

Una kong pinuntahan ang booth ng music department, kung saan tumutugtog ang school band... (hindi marching band, kundi rock band...) Nagbabakasakaling makita ko siya doon, dahil siya ang head ng music department, at tutulong na din ako kung sakaling kailangan nila ng taga tugtog... Papasok pa lang ako nang makita ko ang aking pinakamamahal na adviser na nakaupo katabi ng entrance... "O! Chab! Kumusta ka na?" ani niya... "Ok lang po ako ma'am!" sagot ko... "O, musta na ang luvlyf naten?!".. "Luvlyf? Haay, eto, siya pa rin..." "Nakey! Yan ang matinong lalake..."

Sa kasamaang palad, hindi ko siya nakita sa band... Marahil ay nasa ibang booth siya para tumulong... Lumabas ako at nagpatuloy sa paghahanap sa kanya... May nakasalubong akong kasama sa Teatro, sinabi niya na nanduon siya sa "Fantasy Booth" at may palabas silang ginagawa... Mabilis akong tumungo sa kabilang dako ng eskwelahan... Nakita ko naman doon ang adviser ng aming theater group na siya ring pinakamamahal kong guro sa aking alma mater... "O! Chab! Mabuti't nakarating ka! Ano? Manonood ka ba? Nandoon siya sa loob"..."Haha! Mamaya na po, nakakahiya eh..." "Hay nako! Wala nang hiya hiya... Dali, pasok na..." Matapos pa lang niyang sabihin ang mga linyang iyon ay lumabas siya ng booth, sumilip lang siya upang tanungin ang aming adviser kung pwede na raw bang magpapasok ng mga manonood... Nakita ko na siya... Pero tulad pa rin ng dati, hindi pa rin ako makagalaw... Malakas ang kalabog ng dibdib, at nanlalamig ang buong katawan... Sa kasamaang palad, hindi ko siya nakausap... Malas... Umiral nanaman ang pagkatorpe ko... Pero naisip ko rin, imposibleng hindi niya ako nakita, dahil halos iisang talampakan lamang ang layo namin sa isa't isa, at patuloy naman ang banggit sa pangalan ko ng mga taong dumadaan...

Bumalik na lang ako sa band at nakitugtog muli... Di nagtagal, nakita ko siyang pumasok, tila nagmamadali... sabay sigaw ng mga tao sa loob... "Kuya Chab! Si Ate Wyena oh!" *not the real name* ... Ngunit, hindi lang ako kumibo, sa halip ay nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagtugtog ng drums... Umiral nanaman ang pagkatorpe ko, pero imposibleng, hindi niya alam na nanduon ako sa loob... Obvious naman siguro na tumutugtog ako doon... Umalis na siya, at ako nama'y naiwang sugatan ang puso...

Lumabas ako ng building para magpahangin, tinignan ko ang main field, at minasdan ko ang mga C.A.T. na nanghuhuli ng mga kawawang kandidato para sa Jail booth... Hindi ako mapakali, kaya't lumingon ako sa likuran, nakita ko siya na dumaan sa aking harapan... Ngumiti lang ako, umaasang sana'y mapansin niya, ng biglang sumulyap siya sa akin, at ako'y kinindatan... Pero dalian din siyang umalis, tila nagmamadali... Nakangiti lang ako noon, pero naiinis lang ako sa sarili ko dahil hindi nanaman ako gumalaw...

Sinamahan ko ang aking kaibigan sa food court, isang booth na bilihan ng mga pagkain... Habang bumubili ang kaibigan ko ay nakita ko siya na bumibili rin sa isang tabi... Tinitigan ko lamang siya at napansing nakita niya ako... Lumapit siya sa akin at sabay suntok sa aking balikat bilang pagbati at daliang umalis... Hindi ko maintindihan, bakit lagi na lang siyang umaalis... Sobrang nagtatampo na ako, at galit na galit sa sarili ko... Ni wala man lang akong ginagawa... Umakyat ako sa taas ng isang building at tinanaw ko na lang siya mula sa malayo... Minamasdan ko siya habang siya'y sumasayaw sa mga tugtugin, at habang siya'y nagsisiya ng dahil sa selebrasyon... Matapos ang ilang sandali ay nagsiuwian ang mga tao para sa lunch break... Wala akong mapuntahan kaya't sinamahan ko na lang ang pinsan ko na kumain sa isang restaurant... Wala akong ganang kumain non, pero dumating sa eksena ang tatay ko at ang tita ko... Nilibre nila ako kaya wala na akong nagawa... Habang naghihintay ako sa pagkain, tulala lamang ako, hindi kumikibo at hindi gumagalaw... Napansin ito ng aking tita, at sinabing... "Ano? Hindi ka nanaman ba niya pinansin? Haay nako, itext mo na lang kasi, kunsensyahin mo, sabihin mo na umabsent ka pa para lang makapunta dito at makausap siya tapos hindi ka lang niya kakausapin..." *wala pa rin akong kibo...* "Haay nako! Akin na... Ako na magtetext! Ang hina mong bata ka..." Matapos ay ibinigay niya ito sa aking pinsan at sinabing ipabasa niya ito sa kanya... Wala lang akong ginawa... Pero ayon sa nabasa ko sa pinakahuli... "Ano bang ginawa ko para tratuhin mo ako ng ganito? Matapos kong magsakripisyo para pumunta dito, ganito lang gagawin mo sa akin? Kung di mo pa rin ako kikibuin, uuwi na lang ako ng maynila" (Not the typical me... sobra...) Pero hindi ko na ito pinansin, bahala na...

Itutuloy...

Pasensya kung medyo mahaba...

Twisted Decisions...

2006-08-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

Decisions, decisions...

Bakit ba napakahirap gumawa ng isang decisyon? Ewan ko ba, gulong-gulo na ang utak ko... Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang susundin ko...

Tulad nga ng sinabi ko, maraming oportunidad na ang lumalapit sa akin... Mukha atang nasobrahan ang nirvana ko... Kaya ngayon nahihirapan na ako kung ano ba talaga ang susundin ko...

Decision no.1
Bowling Sponsorship... Well, hindi naman talaga ako mahilig mag bowling, ginagawa ko lang itong past time at kung ginaganahan lang ako... Hindi ako ganon kagaling katulad ng Kapatid ko, at tumigil din ako ng isang taon sa paglalaro ng dahil sa paglipat ko sa probinsya... Ngayon, dumating itong opportunidad na ito, na hindi ko alam kung tatanggapin ko ba o hindi... Nakakahiya naman tumanggi dahil, minsan lang maging bata, minsan lang makakuha ng ganitong pagkakataon... Dahil kung titignan, libre kami sa lahat... Kahit pang gimik namin sagot nila, mayroon pa kaming allowance, at ilalaban din daw kami sa ibang bansa... Naguguluhan ako, nagdadalawang isip ako... Dahil sinabi ko na magseseryoso ako sa pag-aaral ko ngayong kolehiyo na ako... Baka sakaling maapektuhan ito kahit onti... Malapit na ang finals, at alam kong busy na kami pag dating ng 2nd sem... Mahirap ang iskedyul ko dahil marami din akong ginagawa sa eskwela, may praktis din kami ng aming class band tuwing wednesday... Haay... Paano ko ipagsasabay ang busy ko nang isked kung sakaling tanggapin ko ang offer nila? Kailangan ko nang mag decisyon... Dahil sa setyembre na ang simula ng 1 year contract na sponsorship...

Decision no.2
Music Career... Siguro naman, alam niyo na ang pagmamahal ko sa musika... Hindi ko ito maiwanan, kahit saan ako pumunta gusto ko lagi ko itong kasama, sa musika umiikot ang buhay ko... Musika ang nagpapadaloy ng pag asa sa aking puso't damdamin... Sa aking pagpupursige na makahanap ng gigs, mayroon nag offer sa akin, kung inyong maalala sa aking huling post... Hinding hindi ko palalagpasin ang opportunidad na ito... Matagal ko na itong pinapangarap, matagal ko nang gustong tumugtog sa harap ng maraming tao, matagal ko nang gustong makapahatid ng inspirasyon at pag-asa sa mga tao, lalo na sa aking mga kababayan... Paano na? Papayag ba ako sa Proposal niya? O bitawan ko na lang ang mga pangarap ko at magpursige na lang sa bowling?..

Decision no.3
Blogging... Kung sakaling makapagdesisyon na ako, maaring maging busy na ako, hindi ko na magagalaw ang blog ko... Ayokong mangyari iyon... Ayokong mag hiatus sa pag ba-blog... Napamahal na ako sa blogosphere, napamahal na ako sa mga ka blog ko, at sana nama'y ganon din sila sa akin... Ayoko nang iwan ang isang bagay na nagpabago na ng buhay ko... Ng dahil sa blogging, maraming nangyari sa akin... Marami akong nakilala, marami akong nakausap, may nakaaway, may mga naging crush... Marami rin ang tumulong sa akin, sumuporta, pinagdasal at nagmahal... Ito ang pamilyang matagal ko nang hinahangad... Kung mag hihiatus ako, maaring hindi ko na maramdaman ang ligayang hatid sa akin ng blogging...

Decision no.4
Love Life... Oo, luvlife nanaman... Ewan ko pero naninibago ako, napapadalas na ang pagpaparamdam niya... Marahil ay hindi niya ako natiis *winkwink*... May pagtingin pa rin ako sa kanya, hindi ko iyon ipakakaila, pero hindi ako sigurado kung siya rin ba... Pero hanggang ngayon, umaasa pa rin ako... Pag natuloy ang mga desisyon sa itaas, maaring lalong maudlot ang aming istorya... Marahil ay matigil na rin ang aking panliligaw sa kanya... Alam niyo naman siguro kung gano ko kamahal ang babaeng ito... Kung gano siya kahalaga sa akin... Pag mangyari iyon, baka lalo akong maging blanko at mawalan ng gana sa kung ano man ang tatahakin ko...

Isa nanamang pagsubok na ibinigay sa akin ng Poong Maykapal... Napakahirap, puno ng logic... Paano na? Kung pipili man ako ng isa, mayroong friction o contradicting force... Mayroong hadlang... Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin... Nawa'y matulungan niyo ako sa aking suliranin... Pakinggan niyo ang aking panaghoy...

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Maraming salamat sa mga patuloy na sumusuporta... Onti na lang ang panahon, sana naman panalunin niyo na ako! hehe... Mahal na mahal ko kayo... Hinding hindi ko kayo iiwan!

Iboto ang deserving :)

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Dahil maraming nagkagusto sa kantang inalay ko sa aking last post... Nais kong maglagay muli.... Ito nga pala ang kantang inalay ko sa dati kong nililigawan nung nabasted ako! haha... Sana'y magustuhan niyo... Comment ko ah?!

See you Smile

Words and Music: Richard Coronacion (icarus05)

Sung by: Pearl Kaye Hilario

Isa ito sa mga pinakapaborito kong kanta... Sana magustuhan niyo rin!

New Beginning...

2006-08-15T04:22:00.001-07:00

Bagong umaga, bagong pag-asa, bagong simula...

Nakakapanibago... Marami na nga ang nagbago... Pati ako...

Simula pa lang ng aking pagtatangka sa pag tahak sa bagong daan, marami na agad na oportunidad ang nagsisidatingan sa akin...

Isa na ang pag offer sa akin ng isang kaibigan (A Friend (Ch)... Kung naalala nyo pa sa aking tagboard) ng isang proposal... Tutulungan daw niya ako sa aking "Music Career". Nalaman kong tito pala niya ang anak ni Kristy Fermin, na marami daw kakilalang Music Producers... Irerekomenda daw niya ako sa kanyang tito... Ngunit ako'y namumrublema... Wala akong banda... Hindi naman sa wala... Meron talaga, kaso hindi na kami ganon ka "close" tulad nung highschool pa kami... Hindi na kami masyadong nagkikita at hindi ko na rin nakakausap ang ibang myembro... Sana sa offer na ito ay mabuhay muli ang kanilang pagmamahal sa musika... Nawa'y mabuo muli ang bandang minahal ko ng lubusan... Pero paano kung wala talaga? Ano gagawin ko? Mag sosolo? Hmmm...

Pangalawa naman ang pag "sponsor" daw sa amin ng Ad-Style para sa aming "bowling career" (Sila yung gumagawa ng mga signages ng SM Malls... As in yung malaking SM sa labas, sila ang gumawa, pati ang mga signs din ng mga shops sa loob...). That means, free practices, free jackets (w00t!), free bowling uniforms, free bowling shoes, free registration for tournaments around the Philippines, free bowling balls (another w00t!)... Lahat libre, nakakahiya, pero sayang naman ang grasya... Sabi nga, "habang libre, kunin mo na", Hindi pa ito sigurado dahil hindi pa nakakausap ang manager namin... Ang tatay ko...

Unti-unti nang bumabaliktad ang gulong na aking sinasakyan, pero meron pa ring mga lubak na patuloy na nagbabalik sa akin pababa... Ang emosyon...

Akala ko, madali lang mag "move-on", pero mahirap din pala... Sa bawat araw na pagpilit na limutin siya, wala akong nagagawa... Lagi akong bigo... Siya pa rin ang laman ng isip ko, kaya ngayo'y gulong gulo na ang aking utak kung ano ba muna ang uunahin ko... Argh!

Oo nga pala, sa wakas, matapos ang animnapu't pitong taon ay nag paramdam na din siya... Nakausap ko siya kagabi, nangamusta at nagkwentuhan, pero bigla na lang siyang nawala matapos ang limang minuto... Nang hindi nagpapaalam... Lalo ko tulo'y siyang namiss ng dahil dito... Haay... Ang gulo na ng buhay ko... Pero alam kong balang araw, maayos din ang lahat, kailangan ko lang siguro ng oras at panahon upang mapagnilay nilay sa mga bagay-bagay... Kaya ko to... Sabi nga sa telebisyon... "AJA!"

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Ito nga pala ang kantang ginawa ko para sa kanya... Bago ako sumabak sa kolehiyo... Sana magustuhan niyo, kahit ako'y medyo sintunado... Komento ko ah?!

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Nawa'y suportahan niyo muli ako... Dito kayo Bumoto... Salamat ng marami!

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Mayroon nga pala akong nadiskubreng blog... Magaling ang nagsulat, bago pa lang siya kaya i-welcome naman natin siya sa Blogosphere! Ang kapatid ko... Si Dyan.

Happiness... Emptiness...

2006-08-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

It's like, nothing happened... Nothing at all...

Matapos ang mahaba-haba at nakakabitin (daw) kong istorya... Marami akong napagtanto... Maraming nagbago sa aking mga pananaw...

Habang itina-type ko ang bawat letra ng aking istorya, hindi ko namamalayan, unti-unti na palang dumudulas ang pagtingin ko sa kanya... Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero, unti unti na ring lumalabas ang ngiti sa aking mga labi... Pero, sa kabilang dako, unti-unti na rin akong nagiging kulang... Walang laman...

Nailabas ko ang lahat ng saloobin ko sa aking huling istorya... Nalaman ng buong mundo kung gaano ko siya kamahal, at kung gaano ko siya namimiss ngayon... Nalaman ng buong mundo ang hinagpis ng aking puso... Nalaman din ng buong mundo kung gaano kasarap ang magmahal... (Well the blog world at least) Salamat sa mga taong tumulong sa akin, upang maging isa akong bagong nilalang... Mga kapwa ko rin bloggers na walang sawang sumubaybay sa aking kwento...

Habang ginagawa ko ang mga kwento kong ito, lagi akong napapaluha, hindi ko mapigilan... Lalo na sa pinakahuling parte... Habang naalala ko, lalo lang akong nasasaktan... Hindi kasi ako makapaniwala sa mga nangyari... "It's too good to be true" ika nga... Walang hanggang kaligayahan, mauuwi sa wala... Madilim... Malamig... Tahimik... Nakakabingi... Ayoko mang maniwalang tapos na ang istorya, wala na akong magagawa... Pirmado na ng Diyos ang mga dokumento ng kasaysayan...

Ano nga ba ang kasaysayan? Bakit ba lagi na lang akong nabubuhay sa kahapon? Ayoko na ng ganito... Sawa na ako sa kaaasa na muling mangyayari ang kahapon... Sawa na akong humiling na sana'y maulit muli ang mga nangyari na... Walang mangyayari sa akin kung ganon... Lagi lang akong magmumukhang tanga... Matapos ang istoryang iyon... Nauntog na ako... Marahil ay panahon na... Panahon na upang magising ako... Panahon na upang mabuhay na ako sa hinaharap at mangarap para sa kinabukasan... Alam kong di pa huli ang lahat para magbago... Hindi pa huli ang lahat para mapatunayan sa sarili ko na kaya ko... Hindi pa huli ang lahat para pagbigyan ko naman ang sarili ko... Simula nang magpasukan... Hindi ko na iniintindi ang sarili ko... Nagmumukha na akong katawa tawa... Nagmumukha na akong kaawa-awa...

Siya lagi ang laman ng isip ko... Hinihintay siya araw hanggang gabi, na magparamdam man lang sana kahit isang "hi" o miscol man lang... Lagi na lang ako nasa harapan ng komyuter... Lumalaki na eyebags ko... Napupudpod na daliri ko sa kaka type sa keyboard... Napupudpod ang daliri ko sa kagigitara at pag gawa ng kantang alam kong hindi naman niya maririnig... Panahon na... Panahon na siguro para magbago na ako... Itigil na ang pangangarap na ito...

Alam kong balang araw, makikita ko rin ang pagsinag ng nakangiting araw... Makikita ko rin ang bahagharing makulay na lumilitaw matapos ang isang unos... Makikita ko rin ang ilaw na tuluyan nang nawala sa akin... Matatapos ko rin ang daang tinatahak ko ng buong lakas... Kasama kayo... Sa tulong niyo...

Pero tulad nga ng sinabi ko, hindi pa tapos ang istorya... Marami pang blankong pahina... Kung matutuloy man ito... Mas mabuti... Kung hindi na, wala na akong magagawa... Hindi pa rin ako titigil sa paghihintay... Wala nang makakapalit sa kanya... Ngayon lang ako nagmahal ng sobra pa sa buhay ko... Ngayon lang ako nagmahal na hindi iniintindi ang sarili ko... Oo, mahal na mahal ko siya... Higit pa sa buhay ko... Handa akong maghintay, hanggan sa sabihin niyang hindi na niya ako kailangan... Pero sa ngayon, iintindihin ko muna ang pag-aaral ko, iintindihin ko muna ang career ko sa bowling, at pati ang isang pangarap na tuluyang nagpalapit samin, ang musika... Para na rin ito sa kinabukasan ko, para na rin mapabilis ang oras at mapaiksi ang paghihintay ko... Kayang kaya ko to... Sa tulong niyo...

Panahon na para sa bagong umaga... Bagong pag-asa, bagong saya... Tumanaw sa hinaharap na walang pagsisisi... Kumanta at sumayaw na parang wala nang bukas... Magagawa ko ang lahat ng ito... Sa tulong niyo...

Kung mabasa man niya ito, gusto ko lang sabihin na hindi pa rin ako titigil... Nangangarap parin ako na sana balang araw, madadagdagan ang mga nakasulat sa pahina ng aming pag iibigan... Nais ko ring humingi ng tawad, sa lahat ng mga pagkukulang ko sa kanya... At nais ko ring magpasalamat sa mga magagandang ala-ala na ibinigay niya... Hindi pa ito paalam, dahil hindi ako marunong magpaalam... Bahala na... "Time will tell"... Tulungan niyo ako... Alam kong magagawa ko ang lahat ng ito... Sa tulong niyo...

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Bagong buhay, bagong bukas, bagong pag-ibig? Haha! Ewan, malay ko... Bahala na...

Nais kong kunin ang oportunidad na ito upang magpasalamat sa mga taong patuloy na tumulong sa akin...

Kuya Rowjie, Kuya Jhed, Edgar, Justine, Ate TK, Vinkz, Mai, Kuya Jigs, Kuya Shawboy, Rina, Mara, Zord, at syempre kay Karla... Kung hindi ko kayo nabanggit, wag kayong mag alala... Kasama ko kayo sa bawat panalangin ko... Maraming salamat! Mahal na mahal ko kayo...

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Iboto niyo rin sana ako... Malapit na, nawa'y makuha ko ang suporta ninyo! Maraming salamat!

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